Rapture-Palooza Page #5

Hi.

Hey, Dad.

What are you doing?

Can I borrow the truck, Dad?

Yeah. What for?

To take Lindsey to The Beast's.

Yeah. She's going with him.

Ben!

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so relieved.

I'm so relieved she is going to f*** him.

- Yeah.

- Good for her.

So, what's all this?

The thing is, he's demanding a dowry.

- A dowry?

- Yeah, isn't that weird?

Yeah, well, it's old-fashioned for sure.

- But nice in away.

- Exactly.

- Hey, Ben?

- Yeah?

So, you're going to give him the mower?

Well...

What do you get the guy

who has everything?

Yeah.

What's really going on here?

Nothing. Like, I mean...

The dowry.

Yeah, I don't believe you.

We are going to fight him.

Oh, God! Ben!

Don't be ridiculous!

No, listen. We have a plan.

You have a plan! What is it?

We are going to lock him in a kennel.

You can do that. You can keep him

prisoner for a thousand years.

I didn't know.

I didn't know

that you could lock

the Antichrist

in a f***ing kennel

for a thousand years!

You dumb, empty,

retarded, mongoloid, idiot child!

Dad, it is going to work.

What if it doesn't work?

Do you have a backup plan?

It will work.

It won't work.

You don't have a backup plan!

I don't need one.

Stupid!

I can't let you do this, Ben.

You are going to have to.

- I'm going to have to?

- Yeah.

Put down the shovel, Ben.

Are you going to hit me with a rake now?

Come on. Put it down.

What's he doing now?

He got really freaked out after you left

and just started doing that.

Mr. Murphy, sir.

No. Not talking to you.

Can I show you something?

Nope.

I think you will like it.

Nope, nope, "Pe-

F*** it.

Nope, nope, "Pe-

He smells really bad.

Do you like it?

It's yours if you want it.

All you have to do is keep mowing.

Unnecessary.

He's super gross.

He's really gross.

This was our plan.

Number one, Clark and Fry help Ben

get past the wraiths with their pot.

Number two, I use The Beast's obsession

with my lady bits to distract and drug him.

Number three, get our zombie neighbor

to draw away the guards.

And number four,

bring the drugged out Beast back

and lock him up in Buster's kennel.

Good plan.

Almost nothing can go wrong.

0h. my God!

You look so slutty.

Thanks.

Wow. Okay.

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

- What else are we going to do, Ben?

- I don't know.

Are we sure this is a good plan?

Yeah. It is. And it's the only one we have,

besides me having sex with him,

which is not going to be the plan.

- No.

- You know.

So, I'm going to take care of him

and the guards.

All right. I'll deal with the wraiths,

and we will use Mr. Murphy

to deal with the perimeter guards.

How soon can you get to me?

By 9:
00, for sure.

Can you handle him for that long?

Yeah. Totally. He is so dumb, Ben.

Good.

Okay. We can do this. Right?

- Yeah, we can.

- Right?

- I love you.

- I love you.

I'll see you in a couple of hours.

Okay.

Awesome.

- I love you, Mom.

- I love you too, honey. Have fun.

- Call or text if you're going to be really late.

- Yeah.

So when do we leave, Benjamin Franklin?

Five minutes.

If we run into a problem,

here's what we do...

Let me guess. Knife him?

- Yeah, totally.

- Stab him in the f***ing gut, right?

Or in the back of his neck.

Can't you guys f***ing stop?

This is extremely important,

and you are acting like morons.

Revelations tells us

what's going to happen next.

Spoiler alert. Jesus is going to

come down on a white horse

and smite the Antichrist before God

sets up his kingdom here on Earth.

Blow me! A**holes! Rim job! F***er!

Who is a sexy Beast?

I am a sexy Beast

Who is a sexy Beast?

I am a sexy Beast

Who is a sexy...

Turn the mirror.

I am a sexy Beast

Who is a sexy Beast?

I am a sexy...

You a sexy Beast.

You a sexy Beast.

Yeah. You a sexy Beast.

You. Is that a turn on, turn off?

- That's a turn on, sir.

-You like that?

F*** yeah.

I'm going deep tonight.

I'm going deep tonight.

Oh, sh*t.

You want to do it? Did that get you wet?

My p*ssy's so wet.

What?

I didn't say that.

I didn't say anything.

Wow.

Lindsey, you look...

Look at those titties.

So lovely.

- Thank you.

- Did you...

Yup.

Trim bush!

Sorry?

That was me getting an erection.

That's nice.

Thank you. Service it? No!

Now is the time

for romance.

These are from him.

Carnations.

Thank you.

You have such good taste.

I know.

Lindsey, I cannot imagine

a lovelier receptacle for my evil seed

than you.

So much seed.

Just wait here for a second.

If you break his heart,

I'll be super pissed.

All right, let's go.

He will join you in the parlor.

Yup.

Welcome to where we are going to do it.

I want to touch your booty

All night long

I want to touch your booty

And stick my dick in you, girl

Stick my, stick my dick in your

Stick my dick in your

Stick my dick in your, yeah, booty

Stick my dick in your booty

That was so good.

That was something

I was working on for you.

Eggnog blender drink, my dear?

Actually, I would love to

pour this for you, sir.

Of course, my dear.

So, you like eggs?

I f***ing love eggs.

They remind me of titties.

- Good to know.

- Chocolate eggs, Easter eggs.

Any type of eggs.

You put some eggs in that,

lam eating that sh*t.

You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah.

- I love jelly beans, too.

But I hate Peeps. I despise them.

I'm putting those a**holes out of business.

I promise.

- Sure.

- I f***ing hate them.

I'm going to take that whole company down.

Put them out of business.

Tomorrow, as a matter of fact.

Marshmallow ass chicken.

Feel the power of the f***ing Beast.

Peepco.

I kick so much ass my feet need condoms.

So, how's the gay boyfriend

taking all of this, my dear?

You know...

Badly. Like a b*tch.

"Please don't leave me."

"No. I'm with The Beast now,

tiny, little, tiny boy."

"But please, I love you."

"No.

"Get away from me with your

chicken baby penis."

"Lindsey, please."

"I want Beast cock."

"Please." "Beast cock!"

"Please." "Beast cock!"

Something like that?

It was just like that.

What can I say? I'm The Beast.

I know these things.

This is for you.

Thank you much.

I feel so silly, this is so embarrassing.

What?

I was hoping that...

Yes?

Maybe we could get

all the Beastly Guards in here.

Freaky.

Anyway, and have them come in this room

and propose a toast to me, please.

I thought you had a challenge.

Beastly Guards.

You will now come to me

and join me in toasting your new queen.

This is Morgan on the PA system.

All Beastly Guards please report

to the dining area.

I'm not drinking any of that sh*t.

I tell you one thing. Noxzema...

Well, well, well.

The prodigal a**hole returns.

That's funny.

I'm here to make a delivery

to Walt House, the a**hole.

Yeah, well, you are not on my list.

He promised me that I would have

no problem getting this in.

Oh, God, that is so sad. That's a sad story.

So, you're just going to be impossible

about this.

We are. Get your vehicle,

turn it around and get the f*** out of here.

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