Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale Page #2

A couple of hundred sacks of potatoes,

my whole harvest.

I'm here because of some potatoes?

Yes and no.

They only took the sacks.

Holy mackerel.

Almost every house

got their radiators stolen last night.

Torn off the walls.

It's going to be one cold Christmas.

My wife's hairdryer was stolen

from the bathroom.

Who'd want an old

piece of rubbish like that?

It's cutting- edge technology in Russia.

- Pietari, we should be getting home.

- No!

- Where's Juuso?

- Still sleeping, I guess.

Not so fast. Let's take a look at your car.

Juuso.

Juuso, wake up! He's at our place now.

Juuso!

Juuso's been taken!

- What the devil is that?

- It was in Juuso's bed.

Maybe he's out chasing girls.

When we were your age...

we'd stack up some pillows and pretend...

He'll be back by nightfall.

- Don't you get it?

- Pietari, that's enough!

- Can I go now?

- Okay, go.

Aimo, you speak English, right?

How come?

We need an interpreter.

Disgusting!

You old devil.

Gingerbread?

What do you want me to translate?

I've got stuffto do.

We've got visitors

from Korvatunturi Mountain.

- Visitors?

- American visitors.

Now, in you go.

- Daddy! We have to helpJuuso.

- Nonsense.Juuso is a big boy.

So?

We can't go back in there. It's not human.

- Not human?

- Not human!

- The old swine bit me!

- Look at that.

- I have to see this.

- I'm not kidding.

See for your selves.

There's something really weird about him.

- Don't you think?

- He's a foreigner.

Go talk to him.

Be careful.

I'm not going there alone.

Right.

Cover me.

He's harmless.

Sorry to disturb you on Christmas Eve,

but is Hemppa in?

Oh, he isn't.

Okay. Thanks anyway.

No, I haven't seen him.

Merry Christmas. Bye.

Give me the broom.

Ask him what they were digging up.

He's acting deaf. An old trick.

Tell him we'll keep him here

until someone pays up.

- You mean as a hostage?

- Yes.

Tell him!

You're making him angry.

He doesn't understand you.

This was just phase one.

- What was that?

- Dad!

What does he want now?

Dad, I have to talk to you!

I'm just doing a little job with Piiparinen.

What is it?

You need to smack me.

- What?

- I deserve to be smacked.

Fifteen good lashes should do.

What's the matter with you?

I've been naughty.

What have you done?

Juuso and I went up to the mountain...

and we made that hole in the fence.

You did what?

I'm the only one left, Dad.

All the others have been taken.Juuso, too.

What are you talking about?

All the kids.

Rauno, you have to see this.

Wait here.

He's up to something. And, look.

He bit it in half.

Look at his eyes.

What is he looking at?

Pietari!

Don't!

Do you know this bloke from somewhere?

He seems to know you.

He knows all the kids.

Who is he? Come on, speak up!

He's been spying on us.

What do you mean? Tell me!

He's Santa Claus.

He's come to get me.

They dug him up from the mountain.

A character from a fairytale.

I knew there was something fishy going on.

- He's going to attack!

- Daddy, don't let him take me!

On the ground! Tell him in English!

He has his own language.

- He's not afraid of you.

- He sure is.

Tie him up.

- No way.

- Now!

What was that?

It's coming from that jacket.

Careful!

- What did he say?

- They want him back.

- Don't they?

- What are you doing?

This is Rauno.

Tell him we have Santa for sale.

How much are you going to ask for him?

- Enough to cover the debt.

- At least.

- Maybe we should think it over.

- Are you scared?

We're giving him up too easily.

Just think what he could be worth.

The original, real Santa Claus.

Someone is going to get rich with him.

That's the plan.

- Dad!

- Stay here, we won't be long.

- My wife's hairdryer!

- What the hell...

Put that hairdryer away. Keep cool.

What a midget.

Say something.

- How much do we want?

- $85,000.

- At least a million.

- Shut up.

The last door.

- What did he say?

- We need to keep quiet.

- What do you mean, a helper?

- He says it's an elf!.

Enough of this rubbish! Give us the money!

What's up with him?

Is someone there?

What's that running there?

What on earth is happening here?

Pietari! Pietari!

Pietari!

The elves have built a nest for Santa.

For what?

- Is that...

- Yes.

They're trying to defrost him.

- Dad!

- What was that?

Daddy, help.

Juuso. They're all here.

And soon they will get smacked.

- Dad!

-Juuso, where are you?

Turn off the heat!

Juuso, say something.

Piiparinen, the doorwon't hold!

What should I do?

Barricade the door.

Move these there!

Aimo, leave the kid and come and help us.

Daddy's little boy.

- Let's go home, Daddy.

- Don't worry, we'll get home soon.

We are all going to die!

Dad!

Aimo!

Piiparinen!

Listen to me!

As long as the kids are here...

the elves won't leave the hangar.

It's either me or Santa.

I suggest Santa.

It's Piiparinen. Pietari, do you read?

I do.

Copy that.

Why do I have to go in the sack?

Because it's my plan. Let's go!

- Here's one more.

- Not Juuso!

All the kids have to go, or this won't work.

- Daddy, I'm scared.

- Piiparinen, the package is ready.

- Won't they get cold out there?

- Stay out of this.

Don't worry, Dad. I'll be fine.

Ready to go!

You do your job, I'll deal with this!

Slow down, we'll wait here.

Piiparinen, look down!

- They're following us!

- What did I tell you?

Let's turn around, Piiparinen!

What?

Towards the pens!

What for?

Pretend they are reindeer!

Reindeer! Stars alive!

That's what we'll do.

Looks like we've been naughty.

If you everwondered how Santa can be...

in a zillion places all at once, now you know.

That's the magic of Christmas.

Piiparinen, the gate's closed!

Fiddlesticks! We need a new plan.

There isn't time! I'll go and open it!

You're not going anywhere!

I can't l and there to bring you back up.

I'm not coming back.

Pietari, can you hearme?

Pietari!

Piiparinen!

Tell Dad what I did.

Daddy.

Have a merry Christmas.

And a happy bloody New Year.

How do you like that, elves?

What happened?

The miracle of Christmas.

Congratulations, Pietari! Congratulations!

You just put the elves out of a job.

Take the kids home. It's their bedtime.

Roger. Over and out.

One hundred and ninety eight

Santa Clauses.

Juuso, what's that worth?

How much for one?

$85,000.

Around $16,800,000.

Plus 22%VAT.

- You're quite a man.

- So are you.

DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

Nothing in there for you, fuzz face!

DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

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