Rat Race Page #6

- Stop it! Blaine!

- My God! You're gonna kill me!

The cows!

Move!

Watch out!

Sh*t.

Oh, God!

Help!

- Give me my key.

- What are you talking about?

Give me back my key.

The key!

Give me the key.

Blaine! Blaine!

It's me.

I got the key.

How's it going, Captain?

So far, so good.

- How about a pit stop?

- Sorry. This is a one-way flight.

There's a bathroom

in the back.

The latch is broken.

Anybody could just come in.

So what? You ain't got nothing

the other Lucys haven't seen already.

Not necessarily.

Please, would you

stop screaming?

Damn!

Help me!

For God's sake, help me!

Oh, sh*t.

Owen!

Owen, what are you doing?

It's a flat tire.

Please, stay on the bus.

- Well, you're turning it the wrong way.

- I know what I'm doing.

- Please, get on the bus. Wait!

- Maybe we should check the oil.

I think you're supposed to change

the air in the tires every 12,000 miles.

- I can fix it.

- Give me that!

Wait! That's the spare!

We'll still catch it.

Turn it around.

Just turn it around.

Please be careful.

Wait, wait, wait. What is that?

- It's a nickel.

- Would you please put it in the bag?

Why don't you check over there?

Maybe it bounced.

- I'm a dead man.

- Don't worry. We will find the heart.

I have lost my heart

many times before.

I make a joke...

to help you forget

how screwed you are.

I don't think it got this far.

Let's check down by the road.

Oh, hello. A doggy.

Hello. Hello. Hello there.

Isn't he a good doggy?

Come on. Come on.

Fetch. Fetch it.

Look at him go.

- Here, boy!

- Doggy!

Good boy!

- It really is a beautiful car.

- Yeah.

- Look at this mahogany.

- Gorgeous.

You just don't see

that anymore, you know?

- I wonder what this is.

- Careful. That's a cigarette lighter.

- No, I don't think they had those then.

- Yes, they did.

Oh, honey!

Did you burn yourself?

- Yeah. Oh, God!

- Oh, I told you.

Sorry.

My husband,

he burned his finger, ma'am.

- He was pulling, then he was waving--

- Bev, Bev, not helping.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I really like

your dike. Bike.

It's nice.

Cut 'em off!

Get in front!

- Hey! What are you, nuts?

- Get down!

Kids, stay down!

This thing won't go any faster!

Stop it! The headlights!

The headlight!

- Oh, my God!

- Are you insane? This is Hitler's car!

Honey, go ask them for help.

Tell them everything that happened.

And ask them

to call the police.

And a tow truck.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Are you Harold?

- Yes.

I'm Vicky.

Are you gonna

invite me in, Harry?

Or would you rather

party out here in the hallway?

Please. Come in.

Not too shabby.

- Where are you from, Harry?

- From here.

- Las Vegas.

- A local boy makes good.

So, Harry,

what can I do for you?

Okay. Here's what I want.

First we both get naked.

- So far, so good.

- Only we're wearing sailor hats.

And then...

we get into a Jacuzzi...

filled with Pepto-Bismol.

And...

I clip your toenails...

and you shave my buttocks.

Pardon me?

Okay, naked,

Jacuzzi, Pepto-Bismol...

toenails,

shave my buttocks.

How much would that cost?

Geez, honey,

you have quite an imagination.

How much would it cost?

Well, let's see.

A party like that--

three thousand dollars.

Okay, 3,000.

Who has 3,000?

Carlton had 2,800.

He's the closest.

I think it's okay.

What do you think?

What about those little holes?

Are they bite marks?

That's-- That's how it was.

I'm-- I'm pretty sure.

What am I doing?

I can't go

to El Paso with this.

Look at it.

It's gonna leak like a sieve.

The guy's gonna be alive

for like two minutes and then--

- A drifter.

- A drifter?

We-- We find a drifter...

kill him,

cut out his heart.

Nobody's gonna miss him, right?

I mean, he's a drifter.

He's an invisible man.

It's a perfect plan.

Mr. Zack, now you are

giving me the freak-out.

Where--

Where do I find a drifter?

Enrico.

- Where did you say you were from?

- Me? I am from Napoli.

And your family,

they're back there?

No. No, my papa, he is dead.

And my mama. All gone.

Any family? Kids?

I am completely alone.

Why--

Why do you--

Look, a drifter.

Let's kill him.

Son of a--

Come back here!

Whatever. Listen, sugar.

You're not going anywhere today.

You got a crack

in your radiator.

That's this big tank

in front of this big engine.

- I know what a radiator is.

- Is there a place we can rent a car?

- Albuquerque.

- Okay, look.

We'll just have to patch it.

A quick fix.

- Patch it? Patch it with what?

- Sand and tire sealant.

You mix the two. It forms an

adhesive, lasting a couple of hours.

We only have about

Darlin',

we don't have any sand.

Hello!

We're in the desert!

We should've

bought a squirrel.

Mother of mercy!

Where'd you come from? Car trouble?

Here. Sit down.

You two look exhausted.

How long y'all been out there?

Here. Have something to drink.

Ladies and gentlemen,

members of the press--

- What's going on?

- Some rocket scientists from L.A....

they're trying to break

the land speed record.

A unique combination of automotive

and aerodynamic innovation.

The vehicle, which

we call Lightning ll...

represents three years

of R & D...

which was conducted at the

California Institute of Technology.

The design team was led by Professor

Ken Freedman and Dr. Richard Kramer.

We believe

that, aerodynamically...

this is the most perfect

vehicle ever designed.

The entire vehicle weighs

less than 1,850 pounds.

The body is a one-piece

Kevlar composite.

The wheels are

solid billet aluminum...

and she's powered by twin

JE-79 turbojet engines...

the same engines that are

in the F-4 Phantom jet.

Are there any questions?

Mr. Calvert, what is

the current land speed record?

That would be

but we hope to have

a new record today.

- Anyone else?

- How do you start it?

Good question.

A green lever to the left of the

steering wheel in the cockpit...

engages the primary thruster,

igniting the JE--

- That's a record.

- They'll break the sound barrier.

Well, that's it. I still don't

think she's gonna hold.

- What do we owe you?

- Five hundred bucks.

- What?

- For two quarts of sealant?

No way.

That's 20 bucks tops.

Okay, here's 40 dollars.

That's double what it's worth, okay?

Come on, Nick. Let's go.

Hold it.

Another little tool

no mechanic should be without.

Fine. Here's your $500.

But you know what, Billy Ray?

What goes around,

comes around.

This is so unchristian.

Unchristian?

Well, if the good Lord don't

like the way I conduct business...

let him say something.

Let him give me a sign.

Oh, Lord, I'm here

and I'm listening!

Hello!

- Mach one!

- We did it! We did it!

Hey, everybody okay?

You all right? Yeah?

- Randy, you okay?

- There's no Ink Inc.

- What?

- There's no job.

It's a race. We're racing.

Donald Sinclair put

$2 million in a locker.

And I wanna get there first.

I do not want

to work at Home Depot!

Okay, people,

back on the bus.

George, don't eat that.

Get back on the bus!

Come on. Back on the bus.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes