Ratchet & Clank Page #4

HALO drop into Skorg City,

fire a whole mess o' bullets,

and take Drek into custody

so we can be home

in time for waffles.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Yeah! Yeah, waffles!

Oh, that's good.

Wait, that's our plan?

Yes, it is.

Pardon me, Captain,

but Chairman Drek is cunning.

He will be prepared

for our assault.

Look, I think

it is beyond adorable

that you decided to

do all this homework.

But big heroes

do big things.

Each second we waste

talking is a second

Drek could use to

destroy another planet.

But wouldn't it be worth

taking five minutes

to review our plan?

We have holoschematics...

Does anyone else

feel like we should have

shot something by now?

Because it really feels like

we should have

shot something by now.

Thank you!

Let's take a vote.

All those in favor of

kicking in Drek's front door

with a massive arsenal

and restoring peace

to a galaxy in turmoil,

say "Aye."

Aye!

All those in favor

of nerding it up here

with some pie charts,

say "Nay."

Nay.

Motion passes.

We assault

Drek Industries tonight!

Lock and load, Rangers!

Suit up and rally

in the aft airlock.

Although I am happy

to help with the mission

in any capacity,

I find this arrangement

slightly embarrassing.

I'm sorry,

but you're the only one

who's been inside

Drek's warbot factory.

Besides, this is

the best way

for you to keep up.

Whoa!

Nice backpack.

Remember, your thrusters

are powered by Ratchet's suit,

so don't try

any solo flights. Okay?

I shall endeavor to...

He's in good hands, Elaris.

You sure you want to take

the, uh, extra baggage?

No offense,

but we're dropping

straight into a cauldron.

And do you know

what's inside that cauldron?

Is it danger?

It's...

Yes, it's danger.

Let's roll!

All right, team.

Let's bring it in.

Remember,

our target is Chairman Drek!

Ready, Rangers?

On the count of three.

Three!

Keep up, rookie!

All right, pal, you ready?

Well, I...

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Ah!

I'm in. Any sign of Drek?

Negative.

Place looks deserted.

My internal

coordinates system

indicates a right turn

up ahead.

Eh. My gut says

this way, Clank.

Glad you're getting

in touch with your

feelings, newbie,

but we're turning right.

Because?

Because I'm your

senior Ranger

and I say so. That's why.

Okay! Okay.

Yeesh! Cranky.

What's that?

Huh? Oh.

I said, "thank ye" for

those words of wisdom.

Good save.

This feels too easy.

Why was there no alarm?

It is strange.

Everyone, stay sharp.

Initiate Phase One.

Let's scatter

the cockroaches.

Just push the button, Zed!

Yoo-hoo!

Zurkon, zurkon.

Zurkon, zurkon.

Zurkon, zurkon, zurkon...

Anyone hear that?

Zurkon, zurkon, zurkon.

Engaging motion scan.

I'm getting something.

Yeah.

Me, too.

Zurkon, zurkon, zurkon.

Zurkon, zurkon, zurkon...

Huh?

Yoo-hoo!

Zurkons!

Mr. Zurkon

is looking to kill you!

Yoo-hoo!

Boom, baby!

Yoo-hoo!

Yoo-hoo!

Yeah!

Three-time

galactic champ up in here!

Ranger identified.

Terminate!

What's a Zurkon?

Robotic bodyguards.

They protect

whoever deploys them.

Mr. Zurkon has you now.

Zurkon hates

Galactic Rangers!

Heads up!

Whoa!

Yoo-hoo!

Nice shot.

Do that again,

and I'll shoot you myself.

What is this place?

Huh.

If I may...

Hmm.

Yoo-hoo!

Stupid Ranger. Time to die!

Mr. Zurkon delivers

a symphony of pain!

Don't move.

I'm listening.

Captain Qwark.

I've been watching you

these past few days,

and I think

it's simply dreadful what...

Zed!

Sorry.

Simply dreadful what

Ratchet has done to you.

He's made people

forget who the real hero is.

All you wanted to do

was protect the galaxy,

and how do they repay you?

By dropping you for some...

Well, I don't even know

what he is!

Even if that were true,

I could never betray

the citizens of Solana.

My friend, betraying them

is how you get them

to love you.

Allow me to introduce you

to my personal team

of Blargian PR professionals.

Lads, tell him

how we work our magic!

As far as I can see,

you're the victim here.

That Lombax

pushed you to do this.

He did?

You were desperate,

emotionally scarred,

depressed, even!

You didn't know

what you were doing.

The betrayal

was a cry for help.

It was?

It will be!

A tell-all book,

a few guest appearances...

A holo-film.

No! A trilogy!

In six months' time,

you won't just be

Captain Qwark the hero...

You'll be Captain Qwark

the survivor. Huh?

No one needs to

get hurt, Captain.

We can evacuate the planet

and give these people

a new place to live,

a better place to live.

Do we have a deal?

Huh?

Hmm.

Fascinating.

These are plans

for something

called a "Deplanetizer."

Deplanetizer?

Why would Drek

be destroying planets?

Not destroy.

It seems that Drek is trying

to build the perfect planet.

Come on,

let's move out!

Hey! Wait for me!

Wait! Wait!

Sorry, Zed!

I'll write you an excellent

letter of recommendation!

You don't even have my email!

It's Spacegangsta72@Zed.com!

Oh!

Hi.

Um...

Before you start in

with the, um, questioning,

it's important you understand

that I am faithful

to my employer.

And that's how I found out

I was lactose intolerant,

though I think

the parakeet

would've died anyway,

because he was always flying

into the window, which is...

She wouldn't drop him,

would she?

Maybe.

When I said,

"Tell us everything."

I meant Drek's target list.

Now, out with it!

Probably.

I would be more than happy

to supply you

with the target list,

but, unfortunately,

I signed a legally binding

non-disclosure agreement.

I want the rest

of his targets.

Now!

Please.

This was supposed

to be a temp job

until I got my

singing career on track.

Okay, okay!

Novalis.

He wants Novalis.

Novalis?

Novalis is populated.

Yes, 43,618,924 people,

to be exact.

The Schnorkelsons

had twins this morning.

We've got to move.

Hey! Captain Qwark! Buddy!

Remember me?

From Drek's office?

Where you signed

that contract and...

Shh!

Not the face!

Dear Diary...

I mean, journal. Yes.

Dear Journal,

I've been having

the mood swings again.

One minute,

I'm laughing hysterically.

The next minute,

I'm laughing maniacally.

I guess it's because

everything is going

exactly according to plan.

Soon, I'll be long gone,

and the entire solar system

will be nothing

but a giant cloud

of dust and gas.

Excuse me, Doctor.

Chairman Drek

would like to see you.

How long have you

been standing there?

I came in during the part

about dust and gas?

It's my dietary journal.

I keep a very strict record

of everything I eat

and which foods give me...

Dust and gas?

Exactly.

Cool.

General Qwark

moves into position.

Ooh.

Cleverly, he deactivates

the weapons system,

and the crowd goes wild.

Yeah! Yeah!

Qwark is the best! Yeah!

Novalis Control, evac shuttle

convoy 262 departing orbit.

Evacuation 82% complete.

Fighters ready to rock.

So what's the plan, Captain?

Uh? Oh... The plan?

Yes. Here's what

we're going to do, Rangers.

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