Ready to Rumble Page #5

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Don't you get it?

Sinclair wants to kill me.

End my life.

So I'm dead and buried in the ground.

Little tiny bugs feasting on my ass.

No bugs are gonna feast on your ass!

You'll win the money and get

your belt back. That's our mission.

I'm scared, baby. I'm scared.

We can help. Sean, sing the song.

I don't want to sing.

Sing the song for Mr. King! Come on.

Jimmy King is the best wrestler

He's the best-ler

Better than all the rest-ler

- He's got class

- He's really fast

- He'll rule ass

- He'll rule that ass

Jimmy, Jimmy King

- It's not done.

- We're still working on it.

Where are you taking me?

It's a surprise. Don't worry.

Hello?

What the hell is that, baby?

I got three words for you, baby,

9-1-1.

Stifle!

Sal Bandini.

Wanna wrestle?

Sal Bandini?

This is an honor...

Tap out, son.

This is who you called about?

I've seen you.

You're big, tough. You don't

know sh*t about wrestling.

Always worried, what,

about TV time and endorsements?

- Well...

- Stifle. You talk too much.

Mr. Bandini, he's ready

to listen and learn.

Good. I'm just finishing up with

the local high school wrestling team.

All right, whackers, go home.

You did real good today.

But remember what I told you.

Apply pressure until

you hear cartilage snap...

...or they crap in their pants.

Come on, wuss, move it!

And you, work on that for tomorrow!

Gentlemen, step into my office.

Just take it easy.

Come on, Jimmy.

Show me one of your fancy moves.

Come on, King.

- That's not good.

- Come on. It's embarrassing.

Tap out, punk.

I seen you favor that leg.

Lesson one:

Never reveal your weaknesses.

Bite me, old man.

Right spirit.

Wrong old man to be messing with.

Tap out.

You kicked him in the face, King.

The crazy old bastard was

gonna kill me.

I think you killed him.

What?

How hard did you hit him?

He's an old man!

Only gave him a little flick.

No, you kicked him in the face.

Sal, you all right?

You all right, baby?

You know, kicking me was right.

Seeing if I was okay is wrong.

Lesson one:
The possum ain't dead

till it's scraped off the road.

It's treachery.

Did you have to squash

the possum's nuts?

Stifle.

Buenos nachos, seorita.

I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

Yeah, I took it in high school.

A bunch of times.

Are you fluent?

No. I feel fine.

Got something for you.

Thanks.

Flower guy was closed,

so I picked those up for you.

Great.

Come on in.

Candles and food and everything.

Yeah. I figured, why go out?

We can stay in.

So how's training going?

Pretty good.

Got him a coach, he's starting

to listen. Things are looking up.

A coach? Really?

Do I know him?

Sal Bandini. You heard of him?

No, I don't think I know him.

He's old school.

Yeah, he's a real pro.

Kind of been training alongside him...

...so picking up some really,

really awesome moves.

Awesome moves, huh?

I'd love you to show me

your awesome moves.

Show me what you got, big boy.

Well, I got some moves for you.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

That was a snap-mare.

Take me to the bedroom.

I meant, why don't we wrestle in here?

Bedroom match.

I'd love to wrestle you in here.

Give it to me, big boy.

I will now unveil my...

...secret weapons.

Foreign objects!

Oh, God!

Dear Dad:
I am fine.

Sean and I are helping Jimmy King

reclaim his lost glory.

King's a good man who just

seems to have lost his way.

Also, Dad, I met this

really, really sweet girl.

And I'm not a virgin anymore.

Sorry about missing

the state trooper's exam.

I'm sure there's another one coming up

that you can force me to take.

Respectfully, Gordon.

Sweetie, I don't think King needs

any other wrestlers.

- I think it's a bad idea.

- You think so, boopie?

Maybe we shouldn't do it.

Boopie thinks it's a bad idea.

We shouldn't do it.

I think that boopie

should keep her mouth shut.

- Don't talk to boopie like that.

- I'm telling you...

...I have a terrible vibe

about this whole thing.

Listen. You need a posse of guys

who are gonna support you.

There he is. Come on.

Oh, hey, Big Bill!

Goldberg, what are you doing?

I didn't know you were in town.

You're looking good.

What's going on? Why are you here?

I'm doing Letterman.

What are you doing here?

Preparing for your execution?

- You think I have no chance?

- Get real.

Sinclair's pissed off,

and he'll make an example out of you.

Face it. You're a second-rate

wrestler and a third-rate man.

You're still sore about

that spot I blew in Akron.

You were drunk.

I'm sorry. I was having

terrible back spasms that day.

You puked on me.

The audience liked it.

I was your partner!

I made you. If it wasn't for me,

you'd be nothing.

Yeah?

Damn.

Mr. Goldberg, that was a nice throw.

How you doing?

We represent Mr. King

in his upcoming pay-per-view.

You are the mack. You are it, man!

His majesty needs you in the corner.

Look, I used to look up to Jimmy

just like you two.

But the fact is, he let me down.

I know. I know. King lost his way.

But he has seen the light.

He's a changed man.

The change is coming!

Please, for a second...?

Whatever's happened in the past

is the past.

But ultimately,

he's your friend, right?

And you can't turn your back

on a friend. Right?

Sorry, guys.

The fact is, I work alone.

That's him.

Sal Bandini. Want to wrestle?

Who's your daddy, b*tch?

Who sent you?

Sinclair.

He wants you to stay away from King.

You tell your boss

I'll train whoever I want.

I'm so sorry, Gordie.

It's not your fault, Sasha.

Poor Sal.

Mr. Bandini's a tough old man.

But he'll have to stay here a while.

He's got multiple injuries.

Any questions?

- Can we see him?

- Sure.

I'm gonna get him a Butterfinger.

I have to use the little girls' room.

Can I have a Butterfinger too?

It's over.

It's done.

Now can I please get out of here?

Sasha, take it easy.

You did good.

Titus, I'm wasting my time

at the hospital.

Poor guy should be in the morgue

after what you guys did.

Who do you wuv?

I wuv you.

Now, please, just get me out of here.

Bandini guy's like

100 years old, anyway.

But tell that to

Saturn and Sid Vicious over here.

Morons.

You did great.

So how does head Nitro Girl sound?

My balls are in my throat...

...my prostate is the size

of a melon...

...and I'm crapping tapioca.

I feel like a kid again.

Don't worry about me.

Sit down. Sit down.

Listen to me.

And this is the final lesson.

Always attack a man's strengths.

I think he means weaknesses.

No, I mean strengths.

No one ever expects you to attack

the strongest part of the fort.

Up the middle.

That's where the action is.

And it's the same in life.

Look, I know you got demons.

But don't run away.

Attack them head on as

they're coming to you full speed.

Because that, my friend...

...is living.

Got something for you, Sal.

My favorite!

- Thank you.

- Can we do anything for you?

Get out of town.

This place is no good for a wrestler.

Get back to basics.

I know a place we can do that.

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