Reality Bites Page #8

I was told there'd be

no math on this exam.

Can I change my answer?

The answer is simple.

We're on a road

to nowhere

Jesus.

The answer is...

The-the-the answer is...

Pizza!

Pizza.

Pizza. Ha ha.

Oh...

-It's, um...

-Yeah, right.

We're on a road

to nowhere

But here we go

Lelaina.

Lelaina, look. I'm sorry,

all right? I didn't know.

That was not my work, Michael.

That's not what I did.

That's not what I want.

It had nothing!

I can't believe

I trusted you!

I had no idea!

I didn't see it!

I mean, look. I guess it was

probably a little slow...

and they cut it up

a little...

Cut it up?

They cut up everything

that meant anything to me!

I mean, I don't even think

you realize what you've done.

You don't get it.

You just don't get it!

I do get it!

Look. It just...

It's, like, you have

this great piece of work...

and we have this audience,

these kids...

and it's like trying to feed

them meatloaf or something...

and they don't want to

eat it, right?

So you have to give them, like,

"Here comes the plane.

"It's coming into the hangar.

Open up the hangar. "

But it's still meatloaf.

It was never meatloaf!

That's a bad...

I just...

Look, I'm sorry, all right?

They were just trying

to market it.

And I wish I could

be perfect, OK?

I wish I could be like Troy...

riding on his melted

cheese sandwich and everything.

Don't you dare bring Troy

into this.

Hey, I wish

I could be like him.

I wish I could live

off of creeds and mottoes...

and all that sh*t,

all right?

But I'm in the real world

here, OK?

And I have ideals also.

They're that I...

I care about you...

and I want

to make you happy...

and I'm...

I just...

Look...

I'll make them take

the pizza thing out, OK?

I'm just a bill

Yes, I'm only a bill

And I'm sitting here

on Capitol Hill

Well, it's a long,

long journey to...

How'd the big premiere

turn out?

Fine.

They were just

videotapes, right?

Who cares? Ha ha.

I just worked

so hard on them, you know?

I worked so hard.

Ah, forget it.

I just sound pathetic.

No, you don't.

You don't sound pathetic.

You know, I know

it sounds stupid...

but it really meant

something to me.

I know it wasn't gonna,

you know, end world hunger...

or, you know,

save the planet...

but it just meant

something to me.

I just don't...

Understand why things just can't

go back to normal...

at the end

of the half-hour...

like on "The Brady Bunch"

or something.

Well, because Mr. Brady

died of A.I.D.S.

Things don't work out like that.

I was really gonna be something

by the age of twenty-three.

Honey, all you have to be

by the age of twenty-three...

is yourself.

I don't know

who that is anymore.

Well, I do.

And we all love her.

I love her.

Uh...

She breaks my heart

again and again...

but, uh...

But I love her.

I've wanted you like this

for all these years.

Hey.

Hi. Ha ha.

Where are you going?

I have rehearsal.

At 8:
24 in the morning?

Yeah. Ha ha.

-So... that's it?

-No.

No, that's not...

It's not it.

I just... I, uh...

I have to go.

Got a party mama,

got a cokehead dad

I'm the ultimate inversion,

the American man

Don't feel good,

but don't feel bad

It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'

I ain't left, I ain't right

I feel so alone

Before I was born,

I was all gone

Don't even make sense

that I wrote this song

'Cause...

Tell me it's not true.

TROY, SINGING:

It's me, you see, I'm nuthin'

I'm nuthin'

Nuthin'

That's me

I'm nuthin'

Lainie, sex is the quickest way

to ruin a friendship.

Come on.

Thank you.

We'll be right back...

with a new American cheese

snack idea.

You got a phone call.

Lelaina.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Don't say anything, all right?

Look, I screwed up, all right?

I know.

I should have protected

you and your work...

and I didn't,

and I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry that I didn't.

And I want to make this

up to you, OK?

You mean so much

to me, Lelaina...

and I just...

Look, two tickets,

all right, New York.

We go, and we give them

a presentation...

of the show

the way you want it done.

Michael, I don't...

I know. I know,

but this time is different.

I mean, who's the boss, huh?

Huh? Tony Danza? No.

I don't think so.

It's you.

It's your show,

and I just...

I just... you know,

feel like maybe...

I deserve another shot here.

Well, hi, Lelaina.

Hi.

What, is there a frog

in your throat...

or are you just glad

to see me?

Hi, Mike. Thanks

for coming down, man.

No hard feelings.

Lelaina, you're looking

a little peaked.

Yeah. Are you OK?

She's fine.

She's fine.

She's just had

too many Diet Cokes today.

Yeah, this girl

is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Ha.

So, are you gonna

tell him, or am I?

Could you excuse me?

Could I talk to you?

Hi.

You want to tell me what

the hell he's doing here?

I wanted to talk to you.

What the hell do you care?

You totally bailed on me

this morning.

I panicked. It happens.

I thought we could

work it out, you know.

I mean, I don't know if now

is the right time for us.

Look, I meant everything

that I said to you last night.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't look at me like that.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm not saying I...

Look, you are the only woman...

that I could ever

commit myself to.

So what?

Do I get a medal?

I win the big commitment

cook-off, and you just run away?

I knew this was gonna happen!

I knew this was gonna happen!

I don't want to lose you.

I've never been in an experience

like this before.

I've never had sex with somebody

that I loved before.

Oh, well, congratulations,

Troy Dyer.

Welcome to the world

of the emotionally immature.

It's a really nice place

to visit.

Hey, you may run into Michael.

He lives here.

Oh, yeah, right. Michael.

Michael. He's so mature...

because he lets you navigate

that entire relationship.

Well, I'm sorry, Lelaina,

but you can't navigate me.

I might do mean things,

and I might hurt you...

and I might run away

without your permission...

and you might hate me forever.

And I know that that scares

the sh*t out of you...

because I'm the only

real thing that you have.

Yeah? Well, that ain't

real much.

One, two, three, four.

Hey, Troy, man, you're on.

Michael, I'm sorry...

Listen, I'm sorry, all right?

That's what this is all about.

This one's for you, Lainie.

Why can't I get just one kiss?

Why can't I get just one kiss?

You told me there'd be some

things that I wouldn't miss

But I looked at your pants

And I need a kiss

Why can't I get just one screw?

Why can't I get just one screw?

Believe me, I'd know

what to do

But something won't let me

make love to you

Why can't I get just one ah?

Why can't I get just one ah?

Oh, nice job. Very well done.

Really good.

I don't want to hear it

from you.

Yeah? Well, I forgot I'm not

qualified to talk to you.

I'm sorry I can't be Mister...

Hey, look at me.

I'm Buddha on the mountaintop.

You know what you are, man?

You what what you remind me of?

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