Reality Bites Page #7

but I have to tell you,

you're not alone.

You're not, and you're not

dying of A.I.D.S.

You don't understand.

Every day, all day...

it's all that I think about, OK?

Every time I sneeze...

it's like I'm four sneezes away

from the hospice.

And it's like it's not even

happening to me.

It's like I'm watching it

on some crappy show...

like "Melrose Place"

or some sh*t, right?

And I'm the new character.

I'm the H.I.V.-A.I.D.S.

character...

and I live in the building,

and I teach everybody...

that it's OK to be near me,

it's OK to talk to me...

and then I die...

and there's everybody

at my funeral...

wearing halter tops and chokers

or some sh*t like that.

Vickie, stop, OK?

Just stop.

You're freaking out,

and you know what?

You're gonna have to deal

with the results.

Whatever they are, we're gonna

have to deal with them...

just like we've dealt

with everything else.

This isn't like

everything else.

I know that, all right?

But it's gonna be OK,

you know?

I know it's gonna be OK.

"Melrose Place"

is a really good show.

WOMAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:

Lelaina Pierce.

Is there a Lelaina Pierce here?

Yeah.

Hello.

Lelaina?

Ha ha! Hi!

Look, I had to

call you right away.

Listen, listen.

Don't kill me, OK?

What? What?

I took the tape,

and I showed it.

No.

Wait, wait, wait. Listen.

They freaked out.

They want to buy them.

-No.

-Yes.

They liked it?

No, no. I mean, they, like,

psychotically loved it.

They want to pay you for it.

I know this isn't P B.S.,

but is this OK?

Yes! I was this close to selling

fruit at intersections.

Well, don't, all right?

Don't.

Just hang on, and I'm gonna

get you some money...

and I'm gonna be down there

in a few days...

and I just...

I'm just, like...

I'm thinking about you

every second here.

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello! Can you hear me now?

Where are you?

I'm in a phone booth.

Why are you

on a cellular phone?

I don't know.

I have no idea. I'm just...

Michael, Michael, Michael,

I... I really miss you!

I really miss you, too.

I love you. Oh! Whoa!

I mean... I mean...

you amaze me.

No! You amaze me!

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Michael, I'm losing you.

I'm gonna call you back.

Wait. What?

Pay phone outside...

always amazes me.

Hey.

"Try me. I'm free. "

Good mag. Good mag.

-Negatory.

-Yeah! All right!

Did you hear that?

Negative!

Here. Let me see that.

Hey, hey! All rightie!

Thanks

for the help, Lainie.

A celebration zoom.

OK. Enough.

-Ma!

-I'm right here, son.

-Ma.

-Yeah?

I have to tell you

some... thing.

I am... a... homo... sexual.

Oh, Christ. Is there a support

group that I can join...

to help me come to terms

with my own homophobia?

Yes, there is...

a group which is named

P F L.A.G....

Parents and Friends

of Lesbians and Gays.

Oh. Oh. P F L.A.G.

I'm beginning to like

the sound of that.

What you've just witnessed here

is a preenactment...

of events that are

about to take place.

Well... I came out to her, and...

she's still

a little bit upset.

But you know...

You know, I think

the real reason...

that I've been celibate

for so long...

isn't really because I'm

that terrified of the big "A"...

but because I can't really

start my life...

without being honest

about who I am and...

SAMMY ON TAPE:

I want to be in there, too.

I want to feel miserable

and happy and all of that.

I mean, I...

I want to...

I want to be let back

in the house.

Hello. Oh, hi.

Um... sorry.

Just... the door was...

So I just, um...

Yeah, she's getting dressed.

Great.

I'll just...

Oh, I, um...

I don't know if she told you...

but I just came back

from New York...

with the tapes that she made,

and the stuff of you...

it's really...

it's really great stuff.

Really. That whole...

that whole thing about...

"Nobody can eat all the eggs,"

that was...

that was really...

I was quoting

Cool Hand Luke.

Yeah. That's OK.

I mean... That's... I know.

It's... I mean... You know...

It's still... It's...

Hi.

-Hi.

-Hi.

What happened

to your normal clothes?

Wow!

Lelaina, look at you.

You look...

Where'd you get that dress?

Oh, um... I don't know.

I just bought it.

But I think I'm gonna

go change because...

No, don't.

You look beautiful.

You look like...

You look like...

A doily.

-I'm gonna change.

-No, don't change.

And don't go thinking

for yourself either, Lainie.

Hey, what is your glitch, huh?

My "glitch"?

You know what?

We're already late.

No, no, no, no.

Hang on a second here.

Do you have, like, a problem

with me or something?

Because if you do, let's just

get this out, all right?

Seriously, is there, like...

I mean, have I, like, uh...

stepped over some line in

the sands of coolness with you?

Because.. Because...

No, no, no. Excuse me...

if somebody doesn't know

the secret handshake with you.

There's no secret handshake.

There's an I.Q. prerequisite,

but there's no secret handshake.

I... This is... You... No...

This guy... you've got this whole

thing with the world.

Don't you? Huh? That's great.

That's really wonderful.

But guess what.

I'm a human being, OK?

We're human beings,

people, OK?

We're not, like, intelligence

quotations or whatever.

-Just ignore him.

-No!

Done.

Come on. Let's go.

You don't need this.

You don't know

what she needs.

I think I know what she needs

in a way that you never will.

Let's go.

Baby, tell me

that my love ain't good

I don't treat you right,

I don't do you like I should...

Listen,

that's got to be back here, OK?

-Hi.

-Hi.

So, you ready?

Well, what's it like?

I mean...

It's great. It's great.

I mean, I haven't actually

seen it yet...

but we had our best guys

working on it...

and, you know, we just put

some titles on...

and shaped it a little bit.

It's gonna be great.

OK.

OK, OK.

OK. Thanks.

OK, everybody,

it's a special night...

because, as you know,

we're entering into...

a new phase

here at the channel...

real programming.

And our first step

is this remarkable piece...

by Lelaina.

So hang on, because

this is going to change...

the face

of "In Your Face. "

What's this?

It's just transitional stuff.

MAN, SINGING:

La la la-la la

The story of my life

We're finished!

SINGING:

School's out forever

I am not under any orders to

make the world a better place.

And you wonder

why we never got involved.

SINGING:

School's been blown to pieces

SINGING:

Love can make you weep

I don't want to get married...

because I see

how my parents are.

-My parents got divorced...

-My parents got divorced...

-When I was fourteen.

-When I was five years old.

My mother actually goes to

the bathroom with the door open.

I swore to myself

I'd never get married.

I want passion.

Let's talk about

sex, baby, let's talk about...

Turns you on, doesn't it?

Brownies!

Would you two just do it and get

it over with? I'm starving.

Oh, my god.

LELAINA, ON VIDEO:

But the question remains...

How can we repair

all the damage we inherited?

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