Reality Bites Page #6

I mean, my best friend...

I feel like I've

lost him forever...

and he was like

my touchstone, you know.

WOMAN ON TELEPHONE:

This man...

does his name start

with the letter "N"?

Because I'm getting

a very strong "N" vibration.

Newsstand.

"N," newsstand.

He used to work

at a newsstand.

Uh-huh.

Oh, god.

This is unbelievable.

Honey,

that's not all I'm getting.

There are people

I know from high school...

who are already married

and having babies.

I mean, babies, OK?

I can't even take care

of a Chia Pet.

Well, honey,

I didn't have kids...

until I was on

my third husband.

Oh, really?

All Geminis.

You know

what I think, Tanell?

I think you still

really love Monty.

Yeah,

you're probably right...

but it don't matter now.

Oh, yes,

it does, Tanell.

I know you're afraid,

but you've got to find him...

and you've got to tell him

how you really feel.

Find him? I got...

Lelaina.

We need to talk to you.

Hold on, Tanell.

Hold on.

I'm on the phone.

Yeah, I can see that...

and we have a four-hundred

and six dollar phone bill...

mainly due to some calls

to a 1-900 number.

Lelaina,

I'm so seriously troubled...

Listen, we'd help you

out, but we're broke, too.

And you know we can't afford

a new deposit...

if the phone gets shut off.

Maybe you could borrow

the money from Michael.

No, Sammy. Jesus.

Lainie,

what are you doing?

What are you doing?

You lay on that couch all day.

Those pajamas

are like your uniform.

You run up a four-hundred dollar

phone bill.

You watch TV.

You chain-smoke.

You don't go outside.

You don't do anything.

Man, you are in the bell jar.

Look, this is my apartment.

I signed the lease.

I let you move in here when you

had no job, no money...

and you sponged off me

for two months!

Sponged? Uh-huh.

And now Miss Big Power Marm...

Miss "I'm manager

of the Gap now"...

you think you can just come

in here and push me around?!

She's not being pushy.

Sammy, what are you even

doing here? You don't live here!

Hey, my little

unemployed waif...

you're the one who's looking

for work now, OK?

God, you're really

enjoying this, aren't you?

You're high.

Why don't you go take a walk

outside and get some fresh air?

You've been waiting for this

since the day we met.

Who told you that?

Your psychic partner?

I'll tell you the problem

with your generation.

You don't have any work ethic.

Now, you take your friend Troy,

for example.

I went out of my way to set up

an interview for him...

and he didn't even

bother to show up.

That wasn't his fault.

He asked me to call and cancel.

And everything was going on.

And it slipped my mind.

And I'm... sorry, but, you know,

I have a work ethic, dad.

I have a very strong work ethic,

you know. Ask anyone.

Then all you got to do

is show some ingenuity, hmm?

Darling, I love you, and I hate

to break your plate...

but you got to grow up sometime.

Now, I want you to go out there

and show me some ingenuity, hmm?

Let me talk

with you, my baby

It is bad to say

that maybe

It is time for you

to say we

Came to share

a point of view

Living in the never-never

Dropping out of here together

I could spend some time

forever

With a girl like you,

let me hear you say

Let's go, ooh

You want to turn it in,

turn it into heaven, yeah

Let's go

Ooh, ooh, ooh

You want to turn it in,

turn it into heaven, yeah

Right here on earth.

Looking for tomorrow

Can you see us one day?

Beg or steal or borrow

We could live forever

Never to say never

You will be for me

I will fight for you, now

Let's go

Ooh, ooh, ooh

You want to turn it in,

turn it into heaven, yeah...

Well, that solves

our first problem.

Rent's due this week.

Well, well.

Look who finally decided

to grace us with his...

Presence.

This is...

This is, uh, Jean.

Janine.

Uh, Janine. Janine.

It's a little loud in the club.

Excuse me.

Can't stay here, Troy.

I'm just gonna

pick something up.

Well...

Mission accomplished.

Now leave.

I think maybe

I'm gonna wait...

Always the mistress

of etiquette, huh, Lainie?

Just out of curiosity...

why are you suddenly acting

like a jealous girlfriend?

All right. We're just

trying to pay bills here, OK?

So, Troy, if you got

any money...

Money? Oh, but what's

money to an artist?

To a philosopher?

It's just green-colored paper...

that floats in and out

of his life like snow.

It's nothing you actually have

to, I don't know, work for...

is it, Troy?

No, not if you have

daddy's little gas card.

You shut up!

You shut up! I busted my ass

to find a job, any job!

You don't even bother

showing up for interviews!

What is it that you want

from me? Huh? What is it?

You want me to get a job

on the line...

for the next 20 years,

until I'm granted leave...

with my gold-plated watch

and my balls full of tumors...

because I surrendered the one

thing that means sh*t to me?

Well, honey,

you can just exhale...

because it's not gonna happen,

not in this lifetime.

All right, fine!

You don't want to work, fine!

Lainie, goddamn it!

You want to be a band,

then be a goddamn band!

Rehearse every day!

Play every night!

Play three times a night!

Don't just dick around the same

coffeehouse for five years!

Don't dick around

with her or with me.

I mean, try at something,

for once in your life!

Do something about it,

but you know what?

You better do it now,

and you better do it fast...

because the world

doesn't owe you any favors...

and whether

you know it or not...

you're on the inside track

to Loserville, U.S.A...

just like him.

OK. It's just

too psychotic in here now.

All right, Lelaina,

let's go for a walk.

Fine.

Come on, man.

Let them go.

With pleasure, my friends.

With pleasure. Ha.

"With pleasure"? You know

who I really feel sorry for...

is that poor girl.

Oh, how about when he sneaks

his laundry in with ours?

It's like I'm pulling

that stuff out of the dryer...

and there's five pairs

of his boxers...

I just washed unknowingly.

No, I'll just throw it

back in his face.

Yeah, like I'm gonna

do his laundry. Yeah.

He's weird. He's strange.

He's sloppy.

He's a total nightmare

for women.

I can't believe

I haven't slept with him yet.

Do you ever wish

you were a lesbian?

Don't you think it would be

so much easier?

Sometimes, but...

Nah. I couldn't

go through with it.

I'd start laughing

or something.

But it's such a shame...

because I am

so through with men.

If one more guy

walks out on me...

I don't even know what.

I swear.

What are you

talking about...

Walk out on you?

You walk out on them.

I've seen you.

You're out the door

before the condom comes off.

Listen to me, I'm just

beating them to the punch.

OK.

You don't even know

I'm sitting here...

maybe...

Probably dying of A.I.D.S.

And I'm totally alone.

Vickie...

Well, uh...

you're not alone.

Hey. Look, I'm sorry

for everything I said...

and I'm sorry

for being such a b*tch...

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