Reality Bites Page #5

with the door open.

That's "A."

And "B"...

It's disgusting.

I don't want any part of that.

I want first kisses.

I want passion...

the whole way through.

It's better than having to kiss

your husband's ass all the time.

Yeah.

I think that your documentary...

would be perfect

for "In Your Face. "

-See? Forget it.

-No.

You're probably thinking more

like, you know...

P B.S. or something.

No. No. You know

what it is, though?

It's that I.. Boy.

OK, when I made this thing...

I kind of made

this promise to myself...

that I wasn't going

to think about...

where it was gonna end up

because I didn't want to...

unintentionally

commercialize it.

No,

I think that's great.

I mean, I think

you should definitely...

not unintentionally

do anything...

that you're

not comfortable with.

I mean, not that I would

intentionally...

Well, plus

it's not done yet, you know.

Right. I know. I know.

It was just a stupid...

You know... I got to go

to New York on Wednesday...

for this huge

network meeting thing...

which is totally...

God, you would hate it.

I hate it. I just...

I just thought...

that they would freak out

over your tapes...

because they never see anything

that's really smart...

and has real...

you know, quality and is...

good, like you and your work...

and I know

I'm being selfish and...

Michael, um...

That is literally, literally...

the nicest thing

that anyone's ever said to me...

the sweetest thing that anyone's

ever said to me.

So, what are you doing

for the rest of your morning?

What am...

Oh, what am I doing?

What am I doing?

Ooh. Well, I have

a job interview.

Lelaina, this thing

is from 1988.

I know. Ha ha ha!

So you're, like...

six years late.

I thought the ad said

that this was a job...

for a production assistant.

Yes. You will be

assisting me...

in the production

of videotapes, all right?

You're going to make

copies for me... many copies.

Oh, is this like a...

like a pirate operation?

Do I look like a pirate to you?

Now, radio

is all instinct, Lelaina.

Do you know where

all the radio comes from?

The gut.

It's all in the gut.

Because when you think

on your feet...

got to go from your gut.

And my gut is telling me

that, uh...

this isn't gonna work out.

Maybe your gut's just saying

you're hungry or...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's telling me that, uh...

you're overqualified

for this job.

I'm really not that smart.

No offense, sweetie,

but you don't have...

any experience on a newspaper.

You're TV.

Well, I'm trying to make my

transition to print journalism.

Ah. Why?

Well, newspapers are

the last watchdogs...

of our... our government.

They enforce

the checks and balances.

And one half-hour of TV

only adds up to...

OK. All right.

Define irony.

Irony. Uh...

Irony.

It's a noun.

It's when something is...

ironic. It's, uh...

Well, I can't really

define irony...

but I know it

when I see it!

Hey. Hey.

Oh, my god.

I've never been so glad...

to see anyone

in my entire life.

This day has been

the biggest nightmare.

I mean, these

job interviews, Troy...

the word vivisection,

a staggering understatement.

Can you define irony?

It's when the actual meaning

is the complete opposite...

from the literal meaning.

Yeah. My god.

Where were you

when I needed you today?

I... I should go.

Oh, come on. Isn't there

some statute of limitations...

for embarrassing incidents?

Your bravado was embarrassing.

Hey, Troy, come on.

You can stay with me

for one cigarette.

I know you can stay with me

for one cigarette.

You, me, five bucks,

good conversation.

Right?

Lainie...

Troy, you haven't been home

in four days.

I mean, where have you

been sleeping?

I got to go.

Mom, I need to talk to you

about a loan.

Is it for drugs?

No. No, it's not for drugs.

I was f...

I lost my job.

But you shouldn't have

any trouble...

finding another job,

sugar bugger.

No. See, I tried.

I applied for every single

opening in my field...

but there's just...

There's nothing right now.

Hmm. Well...

then I hate to say it but...

times are hard.

You're just gonna

have to swallow your pride.

Why don't you get a job

at Burgerama? They'll hire you.

My lord, I saw on the TV...

they had this little retarded

boy working the cash register.

Because I'm not retarded, mom.

I was valedictorian

of my university.

Well, you don't have to put that

down on your application.

Miss Pierce,

do you have any idea...

what it means to be a cashier

at Wiener Schnitzel?

Yeah. It's, uh... taking orders

and making change, and, uh...

"thank you. "

No. It's a juggling act.

A juggling act? You mean,

like, metaphorically?

No. I mean, you got people

coming at you from the front...

coming at you from the back,

from the sides...

people at the condiment

exchange...

people at the drive-thru,

kids on bikes...

and they're all

depending on who?

-Me?

-Yeah.

You got time to lean,

you got time to clean, buddy.

All right?

You got to be 150 percent

on your toes...

150 percent of the time.

There you go, sir.

And have a 'tude, wiener dude.

All rightie.

OK. I'm going to throw

a few numbers out at you...

and you put them together in

your head as quick as you can.

-OK?

-OK.

Eighty-five and forty-five. Go.

One... forty?

Nope.

-One... fifty?

-Nope.

-One-sixty?

-It's not an auction.

Miss Pierce, there's a reason

I've been here six months.

WEATHERMAN:

For the entire summertime...

occurring in one day.

Then last night we had

snow reports in Utah.

Today reports of I-70...

Royalton Hotel.

Oh, hi.

Is this the Royalton Hotel?

That's what I said.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't hear you.

I'm looking for a guest there.

His name is Michael Grates.

Hold one moment, please.

That guest is out.

Would you like

to leave a message?

Oh... no. That's OK.

I'll just try again later.

Thanks.

Hi. I'm Cheryl Goode

and welcome to "Wedgie"...

the world of hip couture.

This week, we're

in south-central Los Angeles...

at the intersection

of Florence and Normandy...

the flashpoint of fashion.

The phattest gangsta trend

will increase your peace.

This bandanna by Donna Karin...

is blue for Crips,

red for Bloods...

and only costs

seventy-five dollars.

Lainie, have you seen

a pack of guitar strings?

I have to bring them

to the club.

You know,

I hope he knows...

that he still has to

pay some rent around here.

I mean... Ha ha.

I don't know where he thinks

he's spending his nights, but...

Do you know?

I'm late for a jean-folding

seminar. Let's locomote.

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I was unhappy in my career,

and I needed a change.

But I didn't know what to do.

It's just that nothing

is going down according to plan.

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