Recep Ivedik 4 Page #2

Have you disowned him?

What a shame an old family like

yours can't even share.

He's out on the road every day,

this Kamil Ko.

Hang up, then

Hang up.

Get a load of that secretary.

You'd think her surname was Ko.

'I' before 'e'...

...except after 'c'.

Receive, not recieve.

Hello, zge darling.

Is that you?

You're not zge Ulusoy?

Don't try to tell me it's the wrong

number. This is your home phone.

You're the same old zge Ulusoy.

Please.

Get us some of your dad's money.

Who's your dad?

Isn't your dad Yilmaz Ulusoy?

What do you mean, no?

zge Ulusoy isn't from the

Ulusoy family?

I'm not falling for that.

You can't pull

that with me, zge.

OK then, zge.

We can't see eye to eye.

OK, zge.

I don't need you.

I don't need you.

Give me your big brother.

Give me your big brother,

agatay Ulusoy.

What do you mean, agatay Ulusoy

isn't your brother?

What do you mean

you're not even related?

Nearly all the rich and famous

share the same last names.

Damn you.

Damn you to hell.

You're not what you seem.

And your belly button's really high.

Friends tell painful truths.

Your navel's almost in your mouth.

This'll never work.

We have to get to the mother Iode.

An exception to the i before e rule.

I know I remember one.

But does the rule

apply to digraphs?

What about 'science'?

Hello. Good day.

Is that Tbitak? Put a few businessmen

on the line, one after another.

No, put them through to me,

not each other.

There are no businessmen?

Well what have you got?

Scientists?

Tbitak should have businessmen.

Doesn't it stand for "The Leading

Businessmen of Turkey"?

That's Tsiad? Tsiad?

First time I heard of it.

I've never heard of Tsiad.

I know a few organizations:

UEFA, TJK, Turkish Language Board.

Those are the ones I know.

Tsiad's a mystery to me.

Sorry about that.

May God protect you

and help you think clearly.

Eat lots of molasses and tahini.

It's good for the brain.

Guys, I trust you but you've never

done anything useful.

We haven't even managed to launch

a satellite in all these years.

Where did we launch it?

But from where? Wasn't it from

French Guiana?

Be a little enterprising.

Be a little productive.

OK, hang up. Out it short

and hang up.

Hang up.

That scientist over there

is giving me advice.

Here I am working away and

what are you doing?

You're playing games.

I'm the only one here

working for the kids.

Whoa...

Slow down.

I'll do something like this.

Quick, take me to that cubicle.

Quickly. Step on it.

- Is this the purchasing department?

- Yes.

Ah. Hello.

I've got a deal for you.

If I said I had a nice, live...

...stone-free, well filtering,

nicely marbled with fat...

...4- 5 kilo brand new kidney,

how much would you pay for it?

- Kidney, sir?

- A human kidney. My own kidney.

I'm sorry, sir.

There's been a misunderstanding.

This is the purchasing department.

We buy medical equipment.

- We don't buy kidneys and such.

- I see.

- Spleens?

- For goodness sake.

Get a spleen. It improves the blood.

It's medical equipment.

Sir, this is a hospital not an abattoir.

And I've got work to do.

I'll give you my small intestine.

You can make chitlins.

I have more than I can use.

I eat, and out it goes.

Eat, and out it goes.

Fix me up a direct exit.

I'll eat and sh*t all at once.

Now you've gone too far.

I won't have that filth.

It's time you left.

I'm busy.

- You won't take my kidney?

- No sir, we won't.

You won't take anything of mine?

- What of yours could I take?

Now let me show you out.

Sorry, my hand bumped it.

Sorry.

- Be careful.

- Sorry, my hand bumped it.

Sorry.

- You're the branch manager?

- Yes, what is it?

Ah, I was looking for you.

- Yes?

- Hello.

How can I help you?

It's about a loan.

What kind of loan?

A personal loan?

Home or vehicle?

A personal loan.

- Have you decided how much?

- Yes.

- How much?

300,000.

- How much?

- 300,000 lira.

Sir, we can't extend a loan that high.

We usually approve amounts

between 5000 and 10,000.

Ma'am, if all I needed was 5-10

thousand why would I come here?

- This is a bank, isn't it?

- Yes.

Well, I could collect 5-10 thousand

from my friends if I wanted to.

What's your advantage in

being a bank?

- But sir, like I said...

- Button it.

- Sir...

- Button it.

It's called a personal loan, right?

- Yes, a personal loan.

Well I'm a person and

I need 300,000.

We can't approve a sum that large.

It's impossible for us to give you a

personal loan for that sun.

It's a sum, not a sun.

First let's make that clear.

The sun is what shines down on us

by the grace of God.

Sum. I've got a way with words,

you see.

- Alright.

- Look, I visited a bunch of banks...

...and chose yours because it

seemed best.

I'm not chosen; I choose.

I'll leave and go to a different bank.

I'll walk out and go to

a different bank.

OK, sir. Let me have your ID card

and I'll see what I can do.

That's more like it.

Here's my ID.

Sir, what's this?

- My identification.

- Your what?

- Identification.

- My ID.

- I can't proceed with this.

It's not clear it's you.

You'll have to renew it.

That's my ID. Give it here. Look.

See? The same wild eyes.

The same round face...

...and the same black unibrow.

Here.

Sir, your card doesn't even

have an ID number.

I can't process your application.

Ma'am I've been a Turkish citizen

for 37 years.

And I've never heard anything about

an ID number.

I swear you're the first person

to bring it up.

Sir, you need to renew your card.

Otherwise we can't give you any loans.

- Give me a mortgage.

- I'm sorry.

- Give me a consumer loan.

- Sir, please.

- Job training loan?

- No.

- A farm cooperative loan.

- Sir, what are you talking about?

I'll go into cotton and hazelnuts

with whatever's left over.

Sir, please. I can't help you.

Ma'am you sure are strict.

Outside work, it's another story.

There's plenty of credit for everyone.

I give up.

I've got another proposal.

- What?

Oome closer.

Oome real close.

Oome here.

I checked there aren't any bugs.

- I need 300,000.

- Yes?

Arrange 350,000...

...and I'll withdraw it...

...and meet you in the parking lot

where I'll skim off 50,000...

...and stick it in

the lining of your skirt

What are you talking about?

- That's what I'll do.

It'll be a win-win for us both.

What are you saying?

I've had it with you.

Why would I meet you in the parking lot?

I'll save you from corporate slavery.

Leave the room at once!

- What's wrong?

You've offered me a bribe.

- Not a bribe, a donation.

- What?

I'll do it as a donation.

I'll even give you a receipt.

You scratch my back...

Get it?

Get out of here.

Leave here at once. Enough!

You won't even nibble, will you?

- That's right.

I showed you 100 different ways.

You won't even let me get

to first base.

Go or I'll call security.

Where am I supposed to

find the money?

That doesn't concern me.

Find it wherever.

Should I steal?

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