Red Eye Page #2

Thank you, sir.

Oh, my God! I am so sorry.

- It's iced. Don't worry.

- OK.

- Let me find you napkins.

- No, no, no. It's fine.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

OK. Larry,

could you run back to Starbucks?

I need another mocha.

- Finish that one already?

- Someone's wearin' it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

your attention.

Flight number 17 leaving Dallas

National Airport from gate two

will be delayed for 20 minutes.

Paging a skycap with

electric cart to gate four.

Paging a skycap with

electric cart to gate four.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Is this taken?

- No, it's all yours.

Thanks.

So did you get your calls made?

Yep. No more calls.

Good. What will you have?

- No, it's... I'm OK.

- If I can guess...

OK.

I'm feeling vodka.

Definitely sweetened.

Cosmo. Way too common.

Screwdriver.

No. No. No. Way too boring.

So that leaves me with the

simplicity of the grapefruit

or the complexity of the pineapple.

Grapefruit sea breeze.

- Could I have a bay breeze?

- You got it.

Thanks.

It's an impressive talent, though.

Very close.

- You know, breaks the ice.

- Yeah.

- So are you headed home?

- Yeah. Trying.

Yeah. Flying's so

much fun these days.

Fun for me is just getting off

that plane in one piece.

- Fear of flying?

- Yeah. Just a little.

Were you in Texas

on hotel business?

No. My grandmother died.

It's OK. She was 91.

- Ninety-one.

- Yeah.

That's respectable.

What was her secret?

Grape-Nuts. And a guy named Duke.

Excuse me?

Yeah, she said the Grape-Nuts

kept her arteries clean

and Duke helped with the rest.

Wow. A dynamic woman.

Nothing fazed her, you know?

She was so optimistic.

"Always look forward."

That's what she'd say.

- There ya go.

- Thanks.

...heightened security

measures are in place.

- That taste OK?

- It's fine.

You sure? Cos we can

always get you that sea breeze.

You sound like my dad.

I say I'm fine,

he says, "Are you sure?" I'm sure.

- OK, I believe you.

- Good.

- The name's Jackson, by the way.

- Lisa.

- Pleased to meet you.

- Jack for short?

No, I haven't gone by Jack

since I was ten years old.

Last name's Rippner.

Jack Rippner.

Jack... the...

- There you go.

- OK.

- That wasn't very nice of your parents.

- No.

That's what I told 'em

before I killed 'em.

What?

Well, if it's any comfort,

my middle name's Henrietta.

Henrietta.

But that's my

grandma's name, though.

Was.

Well, here's to Henrietta,

whose spirit is very much alive.

What?

I'm tellin' you, man,

she was tasty.

Now let's go

to Washington for an update.

As war on terrorism escalates,

Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security

Charles Keefe embarks on a seven-day

tour of Southern port cities,

starting tomorrow. You may

recall that four months ago,

Keefe sent shock waves through

the department after he made remarks

during his first press conference.

I don't discriminate, I communicate.

Just not always with a kind word.

Now, don't get me wrong,

I believe in diplomacy.

It can work. But first

you have to have their attention.

Do I have your attention?

Thank you. Thank you very much.

We're cleared for the boarding of

Flight 1019, service to Miami, Florida.

- I guess that's us.

- Wonders never cease.

Yeah.

- Let me get this.

- Oh, no. No. Please.

I got it. I got it.

- Yeah. Keep the change.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Welcome.

Well...

Report unattended baggage

- to airport security. Thank you.

- Can you hang on? I'm sorry.

Hello? Yeah.

Can you just hold on?

I gotta take this.

- Sorry.

- That's OK.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Have a good flight. Bye-bye.

- You too.

Bye.

Hey. Yeah, looks like

we're gettin' outta here.

The storm's moved on.

No, there's time.

- Thank you for your patience, sir.

- Yeah, right.

Come on, we gotta move it, bro.

Come on.

- You made it, boys.

- Yeah. Just barely.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Here we go.

- Thank you. Enjoy.

- Thanks.

There you go.

Thanks for your patience.

5-A is to your right.

Enjoy your flight. Hello.

- Hi.

- 18-G. Down the aisle to your left.

- Thank you.

- Thanks for your patience.

- How are you?

- Better now.

- Sorry for the delay.

- 21-F.

- 21-F is right down...

- Yeah. Thank you.

Hi, how are you?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're going to dim the lighting

for tonight's flight. Lights can be

activated by the button on your armrest.

Once we reach cruising altitude

and the captain turns off

the fasten seat belt sign,

we'll offer our beverage service

with complimentary soft drinks,

juice and coffee.

- I'll help.

- Cocktails available for a charge.

Hi.

Again.

- I figured you'd be in first class.

- No, not me.

- I'm all coach, all the time.

- Me too.

Yeah. I think that's my seat.

- What, you're not sitting here.

- Well, I don't know.

- That says 18-G?

- You're kidding.

You're not kidding.

You need a bellhop?

- No, no, no. That's OK.

- Let me help. I insist.

- You OK?

- Yeah.

- You sure? OK.

- Yeah.

I'm not normally such a lightweight.

Those were strong bay breezes.

Well, I'm cutting you off anyways,

all right?

So... What are the odds?

Yeah, I know.

Wait a minute.

You're not stalking me, are you?

No.

- You got me.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, jeez.

- You all right?

If I say yes,

are you gonna ask me if I'm sure?

No. No. That's your dad's department.

Yeah, I'm fine. I...

Earlier today I had

some cheap wine at the funeral,

and combined with the cheap vodka...

- I see.

- I blame you for that part.

- Well, I feel terrible now.

- You should.

Oh, I do.

We know it's been a long night, so stow

your belongings and take your seats

as quickly as possible,

we'll be under way. Thank you.

- I think somebody needs a bellhop.

- Excuse me.

OK.

Let me.

- Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

Just when I thought there

weren't any gentlemen left.

You have a pleasant flight.

Oh, my.

I'm already in chapter two.

Great.

I gave her this book earlier.

She's a huge Dr Phil fan.

I saw that. Very nice of you.

Well, that's me.

People-pleaser, 24-7.

- Well, you are popular.

- I'm sorry.

- No, it's OK. No.

- It isn't usually like this.

Go ahead.

Hey. What's up?

Yeah. No, it's OK.

So it's definitely happening?

5.30. OK, done deal.

Work. For the last time.

- Goodbye, Joe.

- Good flight.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

At this time we'd like

to ask that you discontinue

the use of any electronic devices,

pagers, cell phones, laptops,

anything with a switch

should now be in the off position.

The use of cell phones is not

allowed during the flight.

A list of devices suitable for use

can be found on the cover

- of your Fresh Air magazine.

- Flight attendants, please be seated.

From the deck, looks

like we're the red-eye to Miami.

Welcome.

The weather conditions may cause

a bumpy takeoff,

but we'll soon climb above it.

We'll see if we can't make up lost time

once we're in the air.

We're number one for departure.

Flight attendants, secure the cabin.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've been cleared

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