Red Shoe Diaries Page #2

Eight o'clock.

Thank you.

Step on a crack and break|your mother's back.

When I was a kid I dared myself|to do the most outrageous things.

I'd get right up to the edge,|and inevitably...

inevitably, i'd find an|excuse to tail out.

How many hours a day do you|spend in this thing?

Never enough.|I lie back.

Close my eyes. I feel|nothing but warm darkness.

And I float up, up. Free.

You're one of those|Victorian mystery boxes.

You open one and there's another.

And you open that one and|there's another inside that.

Just when you think|you've opened the last box,

there's another, always another.

Always.

Jake?|- Yeah, baby, what?

Let's take tomorrow off.

Let's take a long ride|out to Santa Barbara,

stay in some|seedy motel.

I can't.|- Why not?

I've got to duke it out with Paul|and the big boys over dinner.

Do it another night.|- I can't baby.

Please.

I can't.

When the light's just|right like this,

it's as if the ship is|actually out on the sea,

somwhere in Mediterranean...

I can see the passengers,

men in their tuxedos and|the women in their gowns.

That on there is drunk.

You see, see the woman over|there in the feather boa?

In the purple hat?|- Yeah, screaming at the captain.

Yeah|- It's my mother.

He just threw her off.|- As to be so lucky.++++

Come on, sweetheart, talk to me.

Stop me from going.

Filled with fire,|burning with shame,

I kept telling myself|over and over

that I'd never go through with it.|No way..

Are you going to a party, Mrs. Alex?

A meeting.|- You look gorgeous.

Of course you always look gourgeous.|- Thank you.

Are you okay?

My world was falling apart|with each step,

but that didn't stop me.

I had to see Jake. I was sure that|he'd rush up to me,

hold me, stop me.

24 hours! If the shipment is not here...|- He didn't even see me.

I will see your ass in court.|- Will you excuse us for a minute?

Be careful, Jake. This guy can|kill us, he will kill us.

If you show any weakness they'll|eat you for breakfast.

Trust me.|I know what I doing. Okay?

Mitch, don't you dare f***ing|stonewall me, okay?

I'm sick of your excuses|and I'm tired of you.

To know what you want and|to go after it and get it,

and to actually belive you deserve it,

my God, how envy Jake for that.

I told myself for|the hundreth time: Run!

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I told you I could move stone blocks|with my cock.

Your curiosity was piqued.|Now here you are.

Why don't you take off your clothes?

I...|- What?

I just suddenly realize|I don't know you.

I don't even know your name.

You're no stranger to me.

I know everything I need to know.

You don't know anything about me.|- Sure I do.

I know you're beautiful.

You wear two hundreatd dollar shoes,

and you are with someone who|doesn't make you happy.

But he does.

He makes me too happy,|that's the problem.

Seriously.

Have you ever noticed how liars|start each sentence

with:
"To tell the truth"?

You keep saying "No, seriously".

It makes me think that you're|just fooling around.

Are You?

No.

Then, seriously, why don't you|take off your dress.

and walk over here in|your pretty new shoes?

Only a girl with a Gold Card would|leave her dress on the floor.

Unbuckle my belt.

This started with|me on the my knees.

Now it's your turn.

F*** you.

My panties, rip them off.

Do it.

He made love like he|worked on the street.

Tender as a jackhammer.

Tender as a jackhammer.

Jesus.

August 20th

I told my self over and over,

once could be rationalized|as a foolish mistake,

temporary insanity,|an act of passion.

Twice was irreversible.

Who is it?

I like that.

The minute i saw him,

I understood what I wanted.

Something I've never had in my life.

Something I've always gladly|given up to others.

The greatest aphrodisiac of all:

control.

Hi, we're not in right now.|Work, work, work.

Leave us a message.

I haven't seen him in two weeks.|He's out of my life

like an alcoholic coming off the hooch.

One minute, one hour,|one day at the time.

And I'll never see him again.

This kind of calamander|is more expensive, of course,

but it's hundred percent silk.|- Excuse me just a moment.

I'm sorry to bother you, there's a|guy who says he's your brother.

I'm gonna send you two off|with Michelle.

She's gonna show you the other|colours and patterns.

Just give me fifteen minutes and we'll|finish everything off. Okay?

Right this way please.|- Thanks, Michelle.

See what'd tell you?|- What a surprise.

I told her I was your brother.|I don't think she belived me.

How did you find me?

It wasn't hard.|I let my fingers do the walking.

I hate your suit.

Funny, I thought it|looked good on me.

Belonged to my father.|He wore it everyday of his life.

Said it brought him luck.

Why are you here?

I wanted you.

I want you all the time now.

I don't even know your name.|That's the way I want to keep it.

My name is Tom.

That's short for|Thomas K. Butler.

I don't wanna hear it.|- Same name as my dad.

Please.

Everybody used to call me Junior.

After my dad died,

my mother started calling|me Tom for the first time in my life.

I didn't even know who|she was talking to.

I had to drop out of school to|help support my brothers.

Gave up football scholarship|to the University of Illinois.

What the hell, right?

You gotta do what you gotta do.

I'm sorry you|don't like my suit.

Pick out another one for me and|I'll go down and buy it.

You can pick up my underwear,|my shirts,

anything you want.|And I'll wear them.

You know why?

Because you're the one of|the only really nice things

that's ever happened to me.

When I'm with you I feel like|I just stepped out of the shower.

I feel clean.|Please, look at me.

What I'm saying is important.

If you don't come to me,|I'm gonna come to you.

I'll find out where you live,|I'll camp out on your doorstep.

Think your boyfriend will believe|that I'm your brother?

I'll see you around.

Now he has a name.

No place to run.|No place to hide.

Trapped.

October 21st|my 26th birthday.

Now remember, keep a happy face.

Shall I make a wish?|- Wish first. Concentrate.

I don't wanna kiss you,|I wanna make a toast to

lovely, gorgeous, stunning, radiant Alex,

whose perfect life I think|matches her perfect beauty

and Alex and I've been friends for...

How long?|Tell the truth.

No, since... Wait.|Since we were seventeen.

Seventeen?|Please say you're seventeen.

Are you okay?

Yes. I might be coming down|with a flu or something.

That's what I told your brother when|you didn't show up for work today.

My brother?|- He called. He was worried about you.

I said you hadn't been feeling well|and you were at home resting.

You didn't tell him where I live,|did you?

He asked for your telephone number.

He's your brother, for Christsake's,|I gave it to him.

Hey.|- Okay.

Come on, please. Have a good time.|- I'm fine.

It's your birthday.|We love you.

How does anyone know what|anyone else is feeling?

How can I turn to?|Who can I talk to?

I hate shrinks.

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