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Come on ladies, we're pushing pennies

around like a lot of old 'tards here.

Let's see a real bet.

Twice.

- That's better.

- Fold.

All in.

Good morning mate.

Delivery for you.

Fresh as you like.

Bloody hell.

What you plan on

doing with that?

I'm gonna chop his head off.

- You know I'm a vegetarian?!

- For Christ sake Tim!

I'm not asking you

to f***ing eat it.

Only chop the head off.

Ben, I can't mate.

Really, I can't.

The head..

Is mine.

All right.

Johnny's got the head.

I've got the belly.

Which leaves you

the legs

the gut

or the f***ing tale.

Where's the other fellow?

You're late.

Did I not make myself clear?!

The other fellow, where is he?

We can handle it!

Guarantied!

I need three of you inside.

You've got three of us.

You mean to tell me that tinker

bell here is gonna go inside?

No.. Tinker..

Tim.. will stay in the van.

All right.

So Tink takes the wheel

whilst you and loud

ass there go inside?

The two of you?

- I trust him with my life.

- Yeah, well I don't.

So you find someone else, otherwise,

the deal is of, all right?!

All right.

I'll find another guy.

Okay?

If..

And I mean if this goes

according to plan..

He's got a ring.

You take it!

The ring is very

important to him.

You might say it's

his little friend.

Adios.

F***ing tosser!

- Hello?

- Happy birthday to you

happy birthday to you

happy birthday dear Michael

happy birthday to you.

Wow, I'm touched.

Love you so much.

Sounds like I'll come in for

a very good night tonight?!

Oh yes, but it was

different in my dreams.

Why is that?

You've been having those

dirty dreams about me again?

Hmm, but it happened in

a Polish restaurant.

- Oh sh*t.

- Oh yes.

No, that's no good, cause since you've

met me, all your dreams have come true.

I know Michael. Look..

I've ordered a table at

Gordon's, just the two of us.

We have to be there in an hour.

An hour?

Yes.

Well, at least it's not Polish.

Definitely not. And I

have a surprise for you.

Yeah, you should do.

Besides, I've got a little

surprise for you too.

Surprise?! I'm finally

going to meet the queen?

Who told you?

Everybody's talking about it.

No, but..

I do have a little..

Michael?

Michael?

Now, there is a surprise.

What?

I'll be there in a jiffy.

Okay.

What the shitty f***?!

Let go of me!

What the f***?!

Take it off!

Please, let go of me.

Help?!

I'll give you anything!

You work for her Majesty?

What's it got to do with you?

You'd take a bullet in your

bullocks for queen and country?

What?

Even though the old deer makes you

work on your f***ing birthday.

Johnny, you f***er!

Happy birthday mate.

God save the Queen.

Piss off Ben!

Come on! Come on! Let me out!

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Here. Happy birthday fellow.

Yeah, what were you doing

with that bunny rabbit, eh?

That is Jess..

Well it was just

Jessica's present.

I was thinking about

you, the whole time.

Oh, you pervert.

- And you?

- Sorry Michael.

We just wanted to give you

the best surprise ever.

Oh why, well you

certainly did that Tim.

No problem there!

All right, let's go!

- Go? Go where?

- Here.

All right, what?!

A wrank looking strip club. Even you're

not thick enough to think of going there.

Oh yeah, we forgot.

You're into cuddly

toys now, aren't you?

I am not going in there!

I don't care what you

say, I've had enough!

Jessica.

- Mickey?!

- No. I'm sorry, I've got to go.

- Must see Jessie, she's waiting on me.

- Mickey, for f***'s sake.

Will you just calm down?!

Mickey please?!

Look! I have to go and see Jessica,

all right?! She's waiting for me.

All right. I see the

surprise is out the window.

But we have to go and tell the girls.

Please, ten minutes?!

No, thank you. It's

not my business!

Come on mate please, for

f***'s sake, do us a favor.

All right, five

minutes, all right?!

And not a heartbeat more!

Okay Mickey. Just

turn the van around.

These girls might

take us by force.

Hopefully.

You sure are f***ing c*nts!

Let me tell you what John.

He's gonna go

apeshit when he finds out.

It's a fact mate.

F*** you and your facts Tim.

We stick to the plan!

Here

We're closed.

Closed or not mate, I

have to drop this off.

You're not dropping

anything off mate.

I told you, the bar is closed. So

f*** off and come back tomorrow!

Shut it d*ckhead!

You know the trouble with

the world right now Karl?

Not enough trust.

But I'm gonna trust these cards.

When I said use your head,

I meant your own one.

Fresh meat.

What?

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Don't you flinch!

Put your hands on the table!

Where I can see them!

What the f*** is going on here?

Shut your mouth!

Or I'll shut it for you!

Open it up! Come on!

I think you pricks are

a little confused.

Slowly, don't you make me

f***ing nervous. Come on!

Do you have any idea who

owns this establishment?

Who sent you?

The international

red f***ing cross!

Let's gather the harvest.

Come on gentlemen!

Come on!

Faster gentlemen! Faster!

I said..

Five minutes!

F***!

Come on! Faster, you

f***ing cripple!

Aren't you forgetting something?

Like what?

Your ring!

Are you deaf?!

Put the ring on the

f***ing table!

Shoot!

What?

Shoot him!

No! Oh, no! I can't..

I can't do it!

F***! Shoot him!

Motherf***er I'm telling you!

I can't!

Pour his f***ing brains out!

Now!

I can't.

You're such a f***ing p*ssy!

Oh fu..

Get back!

I promise I'll aim

better next time.

You're f***ing mental!

Really?! You're not

the first to notice.

I'll find you!

I'll f***ing find you!

And when I do..

I'll cut of your f***ing balls..

And when you f***ing eat them..

I'm gonna pull them out of your

f***ing a**hole with this hand!

You f***ing fat c*nt!

Oy?!

Is this what you

were looking for?

What?

Don't play silly

puppets with me!

You wanted your play with

his ring didn't you?

Well, as it happens..

I've grown quite fond of it.

I think I'll just adopt to it.

I'll think of it

as a present!

F***ing knew.

You f***ing snake!

Come on! Come on!

Move! Move! Move! Now!

Move! F***ing move!

You come and investigate,

you're the police.

I'll call you back.

Mickey start the van!

Wait, what happened?

Drive! Just f***ing drive!

Now wait a minute.

- Move!

- All right!

Shittin' Jesus Christ.

What was all that about?

Nothing Mickey.

- We're all good.

- Good?!

How can it be good Johnny?

I heard a f***ing gunshot!

Need to clear your

ears out mate.

Probably just been foy.

Oh f*** off Ben!

Calm down Mickey.

Girls just..

Got a bit upset, that's all.

But we got you a present.

Piss off with your presents!

Are you sure about that?

Don't think you want me f***ing

around with your future.

What is that?

Problems with your

eyesight, lad?!

Oh f***! No!

No! No! No! No! No!

What did you do Johnny? Eh?

What the f*** did you do?

Set you up mate.

Tell me you're just having

another laugh, all right?!

Tell me that this is

just a f***ing wind-up.

Not really.

I know you're pissed

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