Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical

"Tell your children -

"Marijuana,

america's new drug menace.

"A trained medical technician

will be in attendance

"As certain scenes

May cause undue excitement

in the faint of heart. "

This had better not be

a stag film.

"Trained medical technician"

- What's in this movie?

I asked the fellow to let me

watch it ahead of time,

But he said it would spoil

the emotional impact.

A real showman, that one.

You haven't seen it?!

Well -

You're the principal, short!

You're showing the doggone thing

in your school.

What if he turns out

to be some kind of huckster?

Oh, no, mr. Mayor.

This guy's on the up-And-Up.

He works with some

federal agency.

He had a letter

and everything.

Federal, huh?

I guess it's okay, then.

E- Exactly what I thought.

Mah-Ree-Jew-Ee-Nah.

Mah-Ree-Jew -

Jew?

Mah-Ree - Oh!

Mah-Ree-Jew-A -

Excuse me, do you know

how to say this word?

I don't speak mexican.

Mary-Jew -

Good evening.

Good evening. Good evening.

I want to thank you all

for braving the weather

And coming out tonight.

Over the years, your

benjamin harrison high school

Has hosted numerous functions.

Graduations, for example...

Your annual

christmas pageants...

The drama club's recent and,

so i'm told,

Highly lauded presentation

of "green grow the lilacs. "

But no purpose this room

has ever served

Is more important

than that which brings myself

And my able assistant,

mr. Blumsack,

To your community tonight.

I assume worthy parents

like yourselves

Have photos of your kids

in your wallets, right?

Can you take them out now

and look at them?

Fine-Looking young lad.

My, she's the spitting image,

isn't she?

You all looking carefully?

Good...

For those pictures before you

Are the designated targets

of a deadly assassin.

An assassin of youth,

A new drug menace

Destroying our children in

alarmingly increasing numbers.

Marijuana is that drug.

A vile narcotic,

an unspeakable scourge,

The real public enemy

number-One.

creeping like a communist,

it's knocking at our doors

turning all our children

into hooligans and whores

voraciously devouring

the way things are today

savagely deflowering

the good old usa

it's reefer madness

reefer madness

reefer madness,

reefer madness

oh, so mad

see the kids

precious kids

yes, their heads

are on the chopping block

and someone's got to dare

to take a stand

can't ignore anymore

it could be

your son or daughter

with a deadly stick of reefer

in the hand

they're heading straight for

reefer madness,

reefer madness

save our kids

stealthy as a socialist,

it slithers up our shores

turning all our children

into hooligans and whores

this smoking bowl of evil

bears the choking stench

of sin

it burrows like a weevil

under tender christian skin

this

reefer madness,

reefer madness

oh, so mad

pull the wool

from your eyes

we're in need

of righteous soldiers

for this merry wonder

has to be destroyed

fight the urge

of this scourge

it's destructive

but seductive

so some drastic measures

have to be employed

to put an end to

reefer madness,

reefer madness

oh, so mad

deadly as the democrats

that empty out our stores

turning all our children

into hooligans and whores

teenagers across the land

are glazed and oversexed

if you fail to draw the line,

your babies will be next

oh

reefer madness,

reefer madness

oh, so mad

tell your children

reefer madness

fight the menace

reefer madness

kill the devil

reefer madness

save the country

reefer madness

madness, madness,

madness, madness

reefers made us

crazy, barking

mad

Some of you may think

i'm overreacting.

I'll say.

I think you've come

to the wrong town, pal.

That kind of thing

isn't a problem around here.

You don't know our kids.

You'd be surprised

how often I hear that.

What makes this particular drug

so dangerous

Is that there are no forbidding

needles or snorting powders.

Children smoke a reefer stick,

Thinking it to be an ordinary,

perfectly harmless cigarette.

The kind we all used to enjoy

as teenagers.

And before you can say

"jack robinson,"

They are enslaved!

But don't take

my word for it.

Here are the shocking,

sordid facts.

And judge for yourselves.

The filmed presentation

you are about to witness

Chronicles the harper affair,

A true story

exhaustively documented

In the fine newspapers

of mr. William randolph hearst.

A true story

That took place in a town

very much like your own.

Meet jimmy harper,

An upstanding young lad

of some 16 summers -

Well-Mannered, hard-Working,

An all-Around credit

to the community.

Right now,

jimmy's hurrying to school,

Hoping to run into

a very special young lady -

Mary lane.

Mary was a healthy young miss of

good, american breeding stock,

God-Fearing, civic-Minded,

and very much in love.

Just a harmless

old turtle.

See?

Off you go.

I thought it was a rat.

Can I carry your books?

Thanks.

Yes, mary and jimmy

Were destined to share a love

that would last a lifetime.

Tragically, it would be

the brief lifetime

Of a fruit fly.

It's sweet of you to help me

study "romeo and juliet," jimmy.

Without your help,

come exam time,

I would have been

on a trip for biscuits.

Well, it's my pleasure.

Where would you like

to start?

Probably the "proo-Low-Gwee. "

Proo-Low-Gwee?

Oh, I think you mean

"prologue. "

I keep getting that confused

with "mon-Tay-Gwee. "

That's not even a real word.

I looked it up in two different

dictionaries.

Montague -

It's romeo's last name.

You are so smart.

My mother says you're a boy

who's going places.

Uh... you don't talk about me

to your mother, do you?

I talk about you

to everybody.

Forsooth, fair juliet,

Wouldst thou likest

yon hot chocolate?

Oh, jimmy, wherever did you

learn to speak like that?

It's fancy talk

from "romeo and juliet,"

'Cause when a guy

wants to woo a girl,

He needs, you know,

the right language.

Are you trying to woo me,

jimmy harper?

I need words to tell you

about my pounding heart

$4 words that make a guy

sound smart

well, I guess that's why

they invented shakespeare

his articulations of a lover's

palpitations are so keen

my bounty is as boundless

as the sea

my love as deep,

the more I give to thee

oh, you sound so dreamy

when you talk like shakespeare

a big vocabulary

should be customary

when you fall in love

la-La-La la la-La,

you're a snowy dove

la la la,

prodigious birth of love

la-La-La la-La,

hip, hooray for shakespeare

sure as I am breathing

you can make

elizabethan language fun

we are just like

romeo and juliet

we're happy, young,

and bubbling with love

I can't wait

to read the ending

I can't, either, but i'm sure

it turns out real swell

I bet romeo

marries his juliet

they have a baby

and make lots of friends

that's probably the way

the play ends

you doth teach the torches

how to burn real bright

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