Renesse

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1

Bas, grandpa would like to talk to you

in private.

Grandpa would like to talk to you

in private.

It's for you.

Your grandpa had sex with all of them.

It's all over in a second.

You have to poke the cue stick

when it's straight.

You have to pour the milk

when it's fresh.

Just have as much as possible...

AirbnBitch.

Think about it, man.

Whose naked video

would you like to see?

Not some anonymous porno star,

but from the girl next door.

The most beautiful girl in the class.

- Why would they let you film them?

Economics, supply and demand.

- Didn't you fail Economics?

F*** that sh*t.

This is real Economics.

You jerk off on Desi from four B, right?

Sometimes.

How much would you pay

for her porno film? At least a hundred.

Trust me, you're not the only one

who wants to see her naked.

Every dude in her class wants that.

And a hundred other guys in school,

ten teachers, her uncles, neighbours...

Easy 250 men.

So, 250 times 100...

That's 25.000.

- In the pocket.

Why do you always talk about porn?

Not all chicks are by definition whores.

Brother, what's going on, man?

Are you ill?

My grandpa just died.

Hey, come on, man.

Don't keep it all inside.

If there's something wrong...

It's our holiday.

- F***ing hell, yeah.

Technically it starts on Monday, but...

She's the blonde one, right?

Lisa?

Good afternoon,

you're here for the liposuction?

Open the f***ing door, lazy guinea pig.

But so the new guy

is totally hitting that?

Yes.

When she was with you, she said

she wasn't that kind of girl, right?

Doesn't it look like the dad has a boner?

If I had a wife like that,

I'd also have a boner all day.

Hey, Clan Master Six.

- Dudes, I'm in the middle of a battle.

I'll be right with you.

By the way, where's Manon?

I would like to pop her cherry tonight.

- Dude, she's 13.

She's 15 and she's already taken.

You promised her to me.

- She's dating a dude in his twenties.

Why do girls always date older guys?

- They have more money.

Women are genetically drawn to older guys.

You can't win.

- But Jol always dates older chicks.

He has a really big dick.

- How do you know?

I saw him skull f*** your mother,

dipshit.

A big dick, genetics.

I rest my case.

But we're also genetically designed

to gel as many chicks as possible.

Genetics.

This pizza is genetics, dude.

Are we still going to the Sea Horse?

- Forget it, it's empty tonight.

Not everything is deserted, right?

Your mother just called.

If she could suck my balls.

Take a shot, b*tch.

Dudes, are we gonna do something else

besides gaming all week?

Can't we come up with something better?

Dude.

- What?

You're touching your dick.

- But I'm not moving my hand.

That's allowed.

If you don't move your hand, it's allowed.

Dude.

- What?

You're moving.

- I just adjusted my hand.

I see you doing it.

- Are you watching pom or me?

They're such losers, look at it.

Is it already two o'clock?

Van Swaffel.

- Right, for the adoption.

The will.

- Right, right.

Right, so, the deceased.

Right, I have something here...

Well, there are a lot of legal terms...

...but it says that the grandpa, Jack...

...wants his grandchildren

Bas and Thijs to shoot his ashes...

...into the air with a flare

on the beach of Renesse.

The travel expenses will be paid

with the money of the inheritance.

I'm not available this summer.

I already have some plans.

But this is his final wish.

Yes, but can't someone else go?

Well, it says Bas and Thijs.

I'm not gonna share a tent

with your cousin.

It's only for a few days,

it's not that bad.

Isn't Renesse that hedonistic tuck town

at the beach in Zeeland?

Dudes, we always hang out here.

You know what?

My grandpa was right.

We have to go for it.

If we stay here, we're sure

nothing's gonna happen.

There have to be girls who want us.

YOLO, man.

We're not the best Casanova's,

but we're smart enough to make a plan.

I mean, if we don't try it,

it's never gonna happen.

YOLO?

- You Only Live Once.

Nobody uses that anymore.

No, that's so uncool.

It doesn't matter.

Check this.

Why don't we just go to the Time Out,

same sh*t.

I don't think we will get much action here

for a while.

He should have been here

ten minutes ago.

Yo, homies.

Why did you rent this car

with grandpa's money?

I had some debts I had to pay.

It's for on the barbecue.

Dude, no f***ing way will I sit in a car

with a chicken in it.

Dude, play some other song.

- What?

Some other song.

- Sure, homie.

Here, dude.

Check my sh*t.

Hold on.

I'm busy with you every day

b*tch sh*t

I don't even do Netflix

I only drink still drinks

you heifer listen to me

or you won't fix sh*t

every day in the studio

I'm still Cupid

cheap

there's women at my door

but I don't answer, b*tch

Man, this really sucks.

F***ING WHORE

Long live free expression.

Do you guys know where the reception is?

Yes.

The reception?

- Yes.

Sure. The reception is that way

and you can park at the left.

Cool T-shirt, man.

Cute dog.

No problem, dude.

These guys are awesome.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Hello, sir.

We have a reservation.

Customers.

Cash payment in advance,

500 euros deposit.

No campfire, no loud music.

Don't shower longer than five minutes.

Don't crap besides the toilet.

Take your own trash with you...

...and no sex under the showers.

Or jerking off.

Gross.

Hot.

She's quite a cheap little slut,

but she can suck me off.

That cheap little slut is my niece.

Let me see.

Spot 292 is yours.

Faggots.

Jesus, what a morons here.

At least we're comfortably close

to the toilets.

And that's a good thing?

- We will see all ladies come by.

Do you know how this works?

Dude, hold on.

Can't you guys do some shopping?

Dude, check this out.

Are they tired from eating each other?

- Dude.

You really watch loo much porn.

- You should go to them.

Why me'?

Because you're my wingman.

- But you're my wingman.

I saw those chicks first,

so you're my wingman.

What do I say?

- Use some pick-up line or something.

Dude, that's way too cheesy.

It's not about what you say,

but how you say it.

But how?

Show confidence, homie.

If you believe in yourself,

then those chicks will believe in you.

They're watching.

You're showing confidence.

Sure.

Good.

Then you can go yourself.

I'll back you up later, okay?

Okay, IKEA boy.

Dude, what do you want?

I was wondering if you guys...

...believe in love at first sight.

Or do you want me to walk by

one more time?

Let me guess. You want to have a threesome

and you only need two more girls?

Or did you come to ask how we wanted

our eggs:
fried or fertilized?

Look who we have here.

Humpiy Dum pty.

- Is he bothering you, ladies?

I was just looking for the toilet

and I asked...

But you can use our toilet?

Thanks, I'll keep looking.

- No, no.

Dudes...

- That way.

Well, I...

- Go ahead.

We're all dudes together, right?

Thanks man, but I no longer need to pee.

But you need to wash yourself.

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