Reno 911!: Miami

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[Police Radio Chatter]

[Police Radio Chatter]

[Man]

Get the truck in.!

[Chattering]

[Man] Damn it.!

I said pull your men back.

I don't want any more casualties.

Get that news crew

behind the line!

- Sir!

- I got men down. I got rumors flying.

What the hell's

going on down here?

We tried the urban assault tank.

SWAT tried the roof.

The guys in there are pros,

and, sir?

- They say they've got a nuke.

- Jesus!

And I'm up for reelection.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry. We've called in

some pros of our own.

Who the hell are those people?

- Sheriff's department.

- The Reno Sheriff's Department-

the finest team of

law enforcement officers ever assembled.

But where the hell's

your commanding officer?

[Motorcycle Approaching]

[Groans]

Ow. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

All right, talk to me, people.

What do we got?

Thirty-five civilians on the 40th floor.

Twenty-two Chechnyan separatists,

heavily armed.

They say they got a nuke,

and I don't think they're just whistling "Dixie."

All right, people,

here's how this is gonna go down.

Jones, Garcia,

head into the sewer system...

breach the perimeter of that building

and get that nuke...

- before they flamb half of Washoe County.

- You got it, sir.

Kimball, Johnson,

take up sniper positions, so and so.

- Got it.

- Junior, I want you to shave Miss Acapulco...

- and shave her good.

- All over it, sir!

[Foam Hissing]

Wait, hold on, man. How comeJunior

gets to shave Miss Acapulco...

and I got to go down

in the sewers?

Why does he have to shave anybody?

[Tone]

[Snorts]

Oh, wow.

I just had the weirdest dream.

- You know you're driving, right?

- [Screams]

Huh.

Nobody in it.

####[Man Singing]

####[Man Singing]

####[Continues]

- [Ringing]

- Is somebody gonna get that?

####[Continues]

[Straining] Damn it!

####[Continues]

####[Fades Out]

[Williams] My favorite thing

about being a cop-

I love it when that perp

get all scared of you.

You draw down on 'em.

They get all scared.

"Oh, she about to kill me.

Don't kill me. Don't kill me."

[Laughs]

I love that.

I became a cop because...

my doctors thought it

would be a good idea...

for me to get out of the house.

I feel like I bring a real, uh,

joie de vivre to law enforcement.

For example, my uniform, uh-

I don't wear the regulation uniform. L-

I wear these, uh, shorts.

[Clears Throat]

And I actually had to lobby the sheriff's

department to get to wear these.

Uh, but my argument was,

hey, I'm out there on the streets.

I gotta be able to move

like a cheetah, you know.

A law enforcement cheetah.

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's move! Move! Move!

We got ourselves a 8-14-

armed person on a roof.

I'll tell you right now,

this is it. This is go time.

This is what working for

the Reno Sheriff's Department is all about.

- Let's do it, people. Move!

- [Siren Whirring]

- We got a situation here, Dangle.

- We got a chicken.

- What?

- Chicken situation.

- That's not an 8-14.!

- We got it-We got it wrong.

- Who called in the 8-14?

- I did.

- Just chase him into the jacket, and I'll carry him.

- What's an 8-14?

- Armed person on a roof.

- Well-

- I thought a 8-14 was arson.

- No, armed person on a roof.

- No, no, no, no.

- Okay, okay, okay.

[Clamoring]

- Stop, chicken! Stop!

- [Gunfire]

- Ah, sh*t.!

- Look out.!

- [All Ululating]

- I got it. I got him.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Whoa!

[Williams]

Get it.! Get it.! Get it.! Get it.! Get it.!

- Chicken!

- [Shouting]

- No, no!

- I'm just knocking him out, that's all.

- Maybe he'll hold still. We can beat him to death.

- Ready?

Ow! Sh*t! Whoa!

Can we all shoot

at the same time?

You point and you shoot.

Goddamn.

- Let's shoot at the same time?

- Shoot at the same time.

Okay. That's the only thing that

sort of makes sense.

- One.

- No, I got Dangle's gun. Mine's out too.

- Is yours out?

- Two-And then that way, we-

we'll never know who did it.

Don't start a count

and then stop.

- Oh, sorry.

- Yeah, it's like a execution. Nice.

One-

- Sorry. My bad.

- [Dangle] What the f***?

One, two-

- What? I didn't know-

- Okay, on-

- Okay, on-

- Ah!

- What?

- I'm out.

- Am I out?

Oh, I wasn't out. Sorry.

I thought I was out!

- They fit that little midget guy.

- Aw, he's shittin'.

- Should I call the newspaper and

have 'em come take our picture?

- No!

You do one on both legs.

I have applied, uh...

nine times...

to the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

Um, I'll tell you this in-

in, uh, the utmost secrecy.

L-I just don't think I can

do it in this town anymore.

You know, Reno's really a lot

like Mayberry on the TV...

except that everybody's on crystal meth

and prostitution's legal.

- [Banging]

- F*** you!

- Ah, morning, gang.

- Morning.

So, the trustees were

up in the ducts all weekend...

and there should not be...

too many more squirrels up in there.

So that sound that we were all hearing

should, uh- should be gone.

- [Squeaking]

- I hear it.

- No.

- I knew they didn't get all of'em.

- Want me to get it, Jim?

No more shooting in here.

Have we not been over that?

- Yes. No, we have.

- We don't shoot in here ever, right?

When do we shoot?

When is it okay to shoot in the building?

Never.

- Hey!

- Hmm?

Guess what, guys?

We... have... been invited...

to the American Police

Convention in Miami Beach!

- Oh!

- Oh!

- Is this a joke?

- What?

## [Singing]

- Three days of fun in the sun.

- Why did they invite us?

They invited us this year...

because...

they invited everybody.

- I'll take it.

- So they had to invite us by default. Yes!

[Whooping]

Group hugs. Group hugs.

- I'm gonna pass out.

- We get to stay in a hotel and everything?

- Yeah.

- We do get to fly first class, right?

- [Laughs]

- Come on.

[Williams]

Flyin'in style.!

We, um-

We are not flying-

####[Man Singing In Spanish]

I'm pooping.

- [Screams]

- Aah!

- Oh, Christ, I was dreaming.

- Why was your hand on my dick?

I was dreaming that I was driving,

uh, in the Indy 500.

Oh, God! Oh!

####[Continues]

####[Fades]

- Can we go look at the guns?

- Yes, go look at the guns.

I'm gonna get our passes.

Let's all regroup here in 90 seconds.

Oh, my God.

That's the Aspen Sheriff's Department.

Sheriff Wagner.

- Wrong bar, buddy.

- No, no, s- No, sir. Uh, I apologize.

I'm in my, uh, civilian rig.

- You probably remember me from your-

- Name?

Dangle. Lieutenant, uh, uh, Jim-

uh, James Ron Dangle.

Uh, I sent you my rsum and-and some stats

and a couple of letters of recommendation.

- Yeah.

- And, um, about eight or maybe

even nine times actually.

- There were nine.

- Yeah. And you didn't get 'em, I guess.

We got 'em.

Uh, we pass 'em around.

- We have a pretty good laugh.

- [Chuckling]

I didn't believe you were real.

Here he is, guys.

This Dangle thing, I swear to gosh-

We thought it was a joke.

- I haven't seen one thing-

- Mm-hmm.

- In your file-

- Sure.

That would indicate...

our want of you.

So, thanks.

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