Reno 911!: Miami Page #2

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No, thanks.

- I'd love to change your mind on that.

- No, thanks.

Just want to press the- Okay.

Hi. Yeah, could you step away

from the helicopter, please?

Yeah, ma'am, I was just

explaining how I used to fly these...

- during the Marine Corps back in '82, '85.

- Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Is there someone above you?

You, can I talk to you?

- There's, um- Is there yelling?

- Who are you?

Hi, I'm, uh, Deputy Assistant

MayorJeff Spoder.

- And you're-

- Hi. LieutenantJim Dangle,

Reno Sheriff's Department.

- Lieutenant Jim Dangle,

Reno Sheriff's Department.

- Is his name in the system?

I did it several times.

He is not in the system.

- Trudy did the reservations, right?

- I will do it again.

- You did a name and city search?

- Or not.

- There's no Reno.

- There is a Reno.

- I am aware that there's a Reno.

- We have an airport.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

- Get him!

- Here we go.

- Go and do it, Trudy.

What the f***?

- I don't like yelling, okay?

- If you won't give us our laminates...

- can we have at least, please,

our hotel room keys?

- We ain't got no place to stay.

- We've been on a bus for days.

- There's no-

- You're not in there for hotel rooms. Sorry.

- Hotel room keys...

are with the registration packets,

the brochures and the laminates.

And give us all of those

right now, please.

You can't have them because

you're not in my system.

- What are we gonna do?

- You know what?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

We don't need these guys.

- No, we don't.

- No.

- F*** 'em.

- We have each other.

- Well, that wasn't-

- That's not-That's not better.

- No, what I meant is...

we'll go someplace even nicer-

That's what we'll do.

[Car Alarm Blaring]

- [Gunfire]

- [Woman Screams]

Hola.

Scheie.!

- Hi.

- Hello.

- How are you?

- Hello. Good.

How are you?

Welcome to International Inn.

How many of them are you

for my rooms?

Uh, there's eight of us

for your rooms.

Eight. How- How many

rooms do you need? One?

- Uh, we would prefer eight.

- [Junior] Eight.

Let's go see the entire hotel,

shall we?

- I'll take you on a quick tour.

- Well-

Then you can all get back

to your suck fest.

Uh, A:
We're not here for a suck fest,

we're here for the convention.

- There's been a little mix-up, which is why-

- Okay, I like convention "toos."

- Okay.

- Look at me. I'm in a convention.

A f***ing suck fest convention

here at International Inn.

Hey, a**holes. More a**holes

for your big suck fest tonight.

How's the suck fest going, a**holes?

You know the suck fest in here?

[Laughs]

- How many rooms do you have, Glen?

- I have-

- I have- uh, six rooms.

- Just give us what you have.

- Can we have the keys to those?

- You can have keys to six rooms.

- Okay, gang, and we'll-

- This matches. Grab that one there.

- That's it.

- No, hey. Hey. Hey.

What are you doin'?

This motel is like-

It's like the kind of place you'd come to

if you wanted to get...

a good old-fashioned rapin'...

or a down-home murder.

Okay, gang,

I know we didn't get in.

- Yeah.

- I know we're not stayin'

at the nicest place in town.

But goddamn it,

we're in Miami, people.

- We're in "Mee-ami."

- It's true.

This city's got hot

Latin flavor up to its nuts.

Goddamn it. Let's go paint this town red.

Let's do it, huh?

- [Car Alarm Blaring]

- [Man] Hey, b*tch, you shut

that kid up, okay?

Thanks for drivin', man.

[Man]

No problem.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Clicks Tongue]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Keys Hitting Ground]

Take the night off, Joe.

Need some assistance there, ma'am?

- [Screams]

- [Groans]

## [Singing, Indistinct]

- Hey, Clemmy.

- Jimbo.

- How ya doin'?

- [Laughs]

I'm so tired. I just feel like we've been here

for years and years and years already.

Oh. Well.

- Let's go take-

- I need to get some smokes.

Oh, okay.

All right. Okay.

Good night.

[Garcia]

Damn.

Hey, bro, check it out.

Candy underpants.

[Laughs]

It's a goof. Just a goof.

[Yawns]

Hey, Jim.

You want to be a doll

and help me lube up my sunburn?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

[Retching]

Stop right there

and take it all in.

I got some liquor.

I got some ice.

- I'm not feelin' well, baby.

- Come here. Come here.

- Come here.

- No, Ray-Ray, I'm- I'm- [Coughing]

I'm coming down with something.

Please?

[Groans] Ooh, that pisses me off.

That pisses me off.

- Hey, Ray.

- Shut up.

- Oh! Oh, hey, I'm sorry.

- Stop pushing up on me.

I don't appreciate you insinuating

all the time that I am some lesbian.

- I'm sorry.

- Thank you for apologizing.

This is, uh-This is Trill.

This is my friend, Sugar.

We're gonna go play

a little ball, aren't we?

We'll see you later.

Come on, ladies.

- [Jones] Oh.!

- [Johnson Laughs]

- What's up, girl?

- Mr. Jones, huh?

- Yeah. Yes.

- Mr. Jones.

Why don't you come

give me some sugar?

- Speaking of bushes-

- Whoa!

I don't know

where there's one there.

Get one of these, uh-

Get one of them.

- Huh? Get in a bush and-

- No, l- I'm-

I don't know about that.

- Oh.

- [Clears Throat]

[Coughing]

I'm so sick.

[Coughing Continues]

Come on. Come on!

Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh!

It ain't what it looks like.!

It ain't what it looks like.!

Be gentle. Geez!

Oh, my God-

- Hey, Jonesy.!

- Oh-

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[TV:
Man Speaking Spanish]

Open up. I don't have

a key to this door.

It's open.

- Oh, my God. Are you okay?

- Oh!

I'm in love.

- Congratulations.

- Um, you have a- a bandage on your teat.

- For real. Like for real.

- [Chuckles]

- A love bandage.

- No, like a Ace bandage.

- Yeah, an Ace bandage on your-

- On your boob.

Oh, my Go- If I have been stabbed,

I am gonna be so pissed!

- Stop the room.

Stop the room from moving, please.

- Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. You have something

on your boob for real. No joke.

[Gasps]

That's him!

- Oh! That's him.

- Huh?

- That's him.

- Who?

This is the man that's been making sweet,

dirty love to me all night long.

Kinda looks like Richard Petty,

the NASCAR guy.

- Yeah. You've been making love

with Richard Petty?

- I don't know.!

I love him.

I have to find who this is.

- Well, no, we gotta go-

- I have to find who this is.

No, we gotta go back

to the convention center, guys.

No, you have to go buy me

some cranberry juice...

'cause it's gonna be one

of those days, I'll tell you.

- Oh, no. Yeast infection time.

- I'll tell you.

[Siren Blaring]

- [Police Radio Chatter]

- [Man] I'm gonna break this

down for you one time.

- This looks bad.

- We have a bioterrorism attack here.

- Holy f***.

- They were infected with a toxin

to which we have no antidote.

It is not identified.

Do we have any government officials here...

- from Miami-

- I'm the assistant, uh, deputy mayor.

Jeff Spoder.

Right. What we need is someone who is

high-ranking in the Miami Beach government.

They're all-

Everyone above me, um, is-

is stuck in the convention center

right now.

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