Reno 911!: Miami Page #3

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You quarantined them in there,

so I'm the acting, uh-

I'm actually-

I'm acting mayor right now.

All right, this is

Acting MayorJeff Spoder.

If you need any office supplies,

get some copies made...

a stapler,

it's this guy.

L-I'd like to coordinate with your, um,

team to a-assess and handle the-

I'd love to know where you are at all times

so I can avoid you.

That would be helpful. Now-

We have an infectious

contamination in this building.

We have quarantined it. We have plus

or minus 2,000 law enforcement officers...

from all over this great

United States of America in there.

- 2,130.

- Do we have any police officers at all...

outside the confines of this building?

Step up.

Highest ranking officer.

Anybody?

Jesus Christ.

You're in charge?

Sir, yes, sir. Wh-What are-

What are ya-What's going on?

All right, right now we got the entire

Miami Beach police force in there.

- Check.

- That means that these streets

right now are unpatrolled.

I need every one of you out there...

answering 911 calls,

patrolling the streets.

Department of Homeland Security

is gonna be maintaining the perimeter.

There is no police force of

any kind outside the building?

How the hell have you

not picked this up yet?

- Go out there, patrol the streets.

- Right.

You're the only thing standing

between complete chaos and order.

Check!

We're on it!

The Reno Sheriff's Department

at your service, sir!

- Where's the, uh-

- Can we have a map?

- Where's the police station?

- Where are we supposed to go?

[Siren Whirs Down]

It's all right.

It's all right. I'm here.

- Rogers?

- That's me.

[Sighs]

Holy sh*t!

Rick Smith, SWAT.

They call me "The Condor. '"

I'm sorry I'm late to the barbecue.

I was on a mission when I got the call.

Let me ask you a question, people.

What's the difference

between bravery and courage?

- Oh, I know. Bravery is something that you do.

- [Dangle] Shh. Shh.

Cour- Sorry.

Bravery is when

you do something dangerous...

and you're not even scared.

Courage is when you're

smart enough to know...

you should be scared,

but you do it anyway.

Oh.

[Laughs]

You will not fail.

I will not allow you to fail.

Under my watch,

I will not allow you to fail.

As God as my witness,

we will not fail.

Are you with me?

Uh-

- Are you with me?

- Is that-

It's okay. I know what I'm doing.

I know the thing is out of the thing.

This can come out.

This stays like this.

- Okay.

- Are you with me?

- Yes!

- Are you with me?

- Yes!

- How- Okay, the thing.

Okay that came out now for real.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

No, it's okay. I got 10 seconds

with these sons of b*tches.

- I got 'em.

- Wait a second.

- [Clamoring]

- Oh, f***.

Oh, man!

That's how blood splatters.

Um, so does that mean

we're back in charge?

Yeah.

[Man]

I scheduled a big Friday meeting.

[Gasping]

- [Whistles]

- Wow.

[Phone Rings]

- 911 -

- [Ringing Continues]

Sheriff's department.

Hello- Hello?

- Sheriff's department.

- Sheriff's department.

- Sheriff's department.

- Sheriff's department.

Sheriff's department.

the nature of your emergency?

Okay, where are you?

No, in relationship to where I am.

I just have to check a map. I am s-

Hold on. Hold on. Can you hold, please?

- Hello, sheriff's department.

- All right, uh, I can't- I don't have a pen.

Uh, I don't have- I don't-

Okay, people!

Let's roll!

[Cheering]

- [Johnson] Dear Lord.

- My, oh, my.

[Singsongy]

My ride is greater than your ride.

[Dangle]

Hey, everybody. Everybody-

- Let's be careful out there, okay?

- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

- I'm fine.

- Go ahead. Go ahead.

####[Man Singing]

####[Man Singing: Spanish]

Supposed to be-

We could've hit 11 th and Ocean,

like, five minutes ago.

####[Singing Continues]

Wait a second.

Are we on a street?

I think we're in a-

We're in a caf.

- I think we're in a caf.

- We're in a caf.

Sh*t.

[Over P.A.]

Sheriff's department.

Nothin'-

Nothin' to see here.

[Jones]

It took us 40 minutes to get out.

If you would've turned

right on Mara Buena-

- You didn't tell me to.

- I did tell you to.

- No, you didn't.

- Don't tell me what I didn't tell you.

- Sheriff's department!

- "El departmento de sheriff."

- Oh!

- Oh!

- [Garcia] Oh, hell. Sh*t, no.

- Oh.!

- That's a North American alligator, man.

- Ah, sh*t. Okay, what do we do?

Uh- Hell, let's just-

- Yeah, we should just go.

- Let's just go.

Just let nature take its course.

Hello.! There y'all are.

You trespassin'.

- Sir.

- You little sneaky trespassers.

- Get back in- No.!

- [Jones] Sir.

- Sir, please. Please get back in your yard.

- How are we doin'? Hi.

- We got a situation here, sir.

- Yeah, we got a situation.

- Couple blueberries comin' in

and makin' a fruit salad, huh?

- Sir, please!

- Sir. Sir.

- No. No! Hey!

- We can't allow you to go in the pool, sir.

- Why not?

That gator won't bite.

You scared of this pretty little thing?

- I don't know, sir.

- You scared of this pretty little thing?

He's a gator. Where you from?

Where you from, you don't know gator?

- We're from Reno. We're not from here.

- [Laughs]

- Oh, sh*t.

- Hey, look. Look here.

Rule number one for gator-

you gotta respect it.

- You don't respect a gator, gator not respect you.

- Don't touch it!

- Stop!

- They got peripheral eye vision on the side.

I'm gonna come at him

like another predator.

Not a prey,

I come at him like a predator.

- Stop that. T.J., pleasejust stop all of this.

- Now look at this.

Now watch this.

Watch this. Watch this.

- No.

- Oh, okay.

Don't even refle-

'Cause he respect me.

One, two, three, four, five,

and then it split to a double.

That mean this gator 50 year old.

He been attacked before.

He know how to approach.

Now watch this. Watch this.

- No.! No.!

- Watch for it.

- [Garcia Shouting] Come on now.!

- I'm his daddy!

Come on. Get out. No.

- Okay. No.

- Look at that. That gator don't bite.

He don't do nothin'.

Well, that gator dead.

Yeah, this gator's dead.

Aah!

[Screaming]

This is the life.

I am so gla-

How did we luck out,

and all those other turkeys...

are dealing with that bio-attack?

I don't know.

And guess what?

I don't care.

'Cause I'm shaking my shoulders.

- I'm shaking my shoulders.

- Me neither. I don't care.

- Check it out.

- [Laughs] Don't hate, ladies.

- Don't hate.

- Don't hate on me.

- Don't hate on me. No, she didn't.

- Stop it.

- Yeah.

- Let me get your vernacular

straightened out...

'cause I don't want you embarrassing me

in case we meet some people.

Okay, so if somebody comes up

to you and they say...

"Hey, Officer,"

what you gonna say back?

- Give it to me.

- No- No, you didn't, b*tch.!

[Sighs]

- So if somebody says, "Hey, how you doin'?"

- Mm-hmm.

You just go, "What up, yo?" Got it?

What up, yo, player?

See, you keep putting extras on it.

That's-You don't follow instructions.

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