Reno 911!: Miami Page #4

---

- You just supposed to say exactly

what I told you to say.

- All right, try it again.

- [Clears Throat] Hey, how you doin'?

- Shut up, nigga.

I did it again.

Ow! Jesus Christ, Ray.

- I'm hungry.

- I'm afraid I did a terrible thing.

- What?

- Well, I had to pee...

so instead of doing

the whole bathing suit off...

I did the- the pull over

and out the side.

Oh, yeah, where you

pull it to the side.

And I think I dribbled a little bit.

####[Man Singing: Spanish]

[No Audible Dialogue]

? Coma mi amigo bailar

en el discotheque-o?

I don't speak Spanish.

Hey! What the hell? Hey!

Sh*t! Ow!

[Fingers Snapping]

- How ya doin', guys? Eh?

- [Snorts]

- [Together] Uh-

- Who is your little friend?

- We don't know him, sir.

- Uh, we don't know that guy.

Oh, you don't know who this is?

- [Together] No, sir.

- [Chuckles]

You believe these guys?

- [Revs]

- Oh! Oh!

- I get really sick and tired-

- I don't know you or anybody else-

- [Shouting]

- [Screaming]

[Screaming]

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- We don't know him.

- We don't know him.

I'm not a cop. I'm just-

I'm here on vacation, man.

- How'd you know Mr. Big?

- We don't know Mr. Big.

- What is your connection to Mr. Big?

- We don't know Mr. Big!

- Why are you investigating me?

- We're not- Huh?

Look, you guys are smart guys, right?

- Yeah.

- I know this.

- No. No. We're not.

- All the other cops are

imprisoned in that building.

But you manage to walk the streets.

I don't know how you escaped it.

We didn't-We couldn't get

our passes, sir.

- [Screaming]

- [Screaming]

You're very smart.

Huh? Huh?

Get my message?

Oh! Oh! Man!

- Ow! Goddamn!

- Turn it off.

Sick f***! Who brings

a weed whacker on a boat?

- You forget you ever see me.

- [Fingers Snapping]

[Both Screaming]

Sheriff's department.

I got this tattoo the other day, um...

and I don't know where I got it,

so I'm wondering if I got it here.

Why don't you, uh, come back here.

Come take a look at it.

Mmm, yeah.

Okay, so, the tattoo's

on the left, right?

- Mm-hmm.

- So, I don't know why we're-

Well, you know, it's- it's as much

about where it's not, as where it is.

Get a sense here, if I can-

- If I just-

- That's some beautiful work.

Thank you. I'm hoping

you guys can tell me whose it is...

because I'm really in pain here.

Hey! What the f***?

- Oh. I was-

- Our f***ing toilets need snakin' back there.

- I don't pay you to play

grab-ass with the clients.

- I was-

She came in and l-

You weren't around, so I was just-

- Snake the f***ing toilets.

- Got it.

- See you later, Breen.

- F***ing plumbers, man.

- Can I help you?

- What's up?

So, we got a call that there was some

lewd behavior going on on the boardwalk.

Possible prostitution.

Holy sh*t. Is that Terry?

That's Terry.

That's one of our locals from Reno.

- Terry!

- What?

- Hi!

- What the hell?

- What you doin' in Miami?

- What's goin' on?

Look at your hair.

That's fun.

- Terry, what are you doin' here?

- What do you mean?

I just flew in on my jet.

Terry, what are you-

Did you follow us to Miami?

- Did you know we were coming down here?

- No, I live here.

It's where my house is.

I have 17 houses.

- This is where one of'em is.

- Terry.

What did I do?

What-That's what we want to know.

What did you do?

We got a call about lewd

behavior on the boardwalk...

and you the only thing I see around here

that could qualify... as lewd.

How is this-

I'm not lewd at all.

I don't even know what-

Lube or lewd?

- Terry.

- What?

Why are you here,

and what are you doing?

I just flew in.

I'm recording an album.

It's called...

Terry:
South B*tch: Live:

F*** You, Dad.

And it drops in, uh, 2009.

Terry, when you are here,

you are an ambassador for Reno.

Heavy on the "assador."

South "be-otch."

[Imitates Ping, Fart]

- Knock it off.

- Listen-

- I'm on wheels, yo.

- What are you covered in?

- Ew. Terry.

- What? It's, uh, apple martini and lube.

- Ugh!

- Come on, Terry.

That's not all you on.

What else are you on?

- What else are you on?

- I'm on f***ing crack, yo.

The Department of Homeland Security

has supplied us...

with some evidence collected

by themselves and the C.D. C...

from the convention center.

And it is ourjob

to put the pieces together.

Anyone have a theory?

- [Hisses]

- [Alarm Blaring]

- [All Shouting]

- Oh, my God!

- F***! F***! F***, f***, f***!

- Put it back on!

Aaah! Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, God! Oh!

- Come on. Be thorough, guys.

Oh! Aaah!

- You got some stunning abs.

- Oh, thank you. You know, I do, uh- I work out.

- Really?

- Uh, a good bit.

- Yeah, you yoga or something?

- I do- I do it all. I do yoga-

- You flexible?

- I'm pretty flexible.

The thing is now you want to be sure

when you do it though, to just-

You gotta, uh-

You gotta-

What you don't want to do is get-

You want to get the waist up.

- [Farts]

- Oops.

- Oh.

- Excuse me.

- [Laughs]

- Whoo. Sorry about that.

- All the spicy food up in here in Miami.

- Occupational-

[Coughs]

Occupational hazard.

[Siren Whirring]

Okay, okay, what have we got?

[Shouting In Russian]

C- C- C-

"Calmat."

[Shouting Continues]

- I noticed.

- [Laughs]

[Together]

B*obs, b*obs, b*obs, b*obs, b*obs.

All right. Yeah.

Uh-

[Stammers]

[Flies Buzzing]

We gotta clear this beach.

We gotta clear it now. I want good ideas.

Let's go. Boom.

What do we got? Williams.

- You want me to come back to you?

- Come back to me.

- Come back to you. Trudy Wiegel.

- I have an idea, Jim.

- Yeah?

- What about a telephone...

that you can actually smell through?

Uh, whale-related. Whale-related.

Clearing the beach ideas.

- Not in- Not inventions.

- I have nothing.

- Jim, if you think about it-

- Who gave-Who gave topless a gun?

- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Oh, no. No. Get down. Get down.

Okay, people, this is how

we're gonna do it. Ready?

Here is our-What kind of whale

do we think that is?

- Uh, sperm?

- Big one?

- Black whale.

- A narwhal. A narwhal.

- Here's what- Here's what we're gonna do.

- Face the-

We are, per Travis-

per Travis and Trudy both-

- [Wiegel] What'd I do?

- What we're gonna do is-

- Stick your butt in the air.

- We are going to-

- You put your feet on it like

that and then I'll help you.

- Get a rather large chainsaw-

- Jonesy! Jonesy!

- We are going to make sushi cuts.

- Which is the hand-cut sushi

and which is-when they roll-

- Inside out roll.

We're gonna make some crosscuts,

crosscuts, crosscuts.

- L- I like California roll.

- Okay, we'll then roll each

individual piece into a channel...

which we dig here to the ocean,

per Travis.

- This is a channel to the ocean.

- We're gonna chainsaw the damn thing?

- Yeah, into little sus-

Which one's the hand-cut rolls?

- No one's paying attention.

I have no idea what

you're talking about.

[Dangle] Let's try and get it.

It's only 15, 20 feet. How hard could it be?

In... five, six, seven, eight.

- And-

- [All Straining]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes