Reno 911!: Miami Page #5

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Do it! It's goin'!

She's movin'!

- It's movin'!

- I can feel it!

[Straining]

[Straining]

[Jones]

Five, four, three. Hut!

[Williams]

Go, Jonesy.! Go.!

- Oh!

- Oh. Oh.

Okay, ready, people, on my count.

One, two, three!

Oh! Oh! Wait!

Wait!

[Shouting]

[Clamoring]

[Dangle]

Get a Wet-Nap, people.!

Good God! We got a officer down.

We need a Wet-Nap!

So, when the chips are down

and it's fourth and, uh-

- uh, fourth and, uh-

- Goal.

Goal. Who can you count on?

LieutenantJimbo.

[Laughs]

And... his associates.

Who shall remain nameless.

There's too many of them to name at once.

- Trudy! Give me a "T."

- No, we- they shall remain nameless.

His associates. Anyway, all right, here we go.

You ready, peeps?

- Yeah.

- Let's do it to it.

And- un, deux, trois.

Whoa!

- Go team! Go team! Aaah!

- Ew! Ew! Ew!

Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!

Ew.! Ew.! Ew.! Ew.!

[Jeff]

You blew up a wha-

You blew up a whale on-

on our- our beaches.!

There are people

screaming at me now...

because you guys have been

screwing everything up.!

You bunch of jerk heads!

P. Diddy's boat

is all covered in whale.

And then Shaq's boat,

a piece of... whale-

- Don't touch me!

- Sorry, I was just-

Now, you people-you have to

start acting like this is a crisis!

And you have to get

your stuff together!

You need to strap it down!

And get it together.!

Now, I'm gonna go

and listen on my phone...

to get yelled at some more!

So thanks!

- Sorry.

- Bye, Jeff.

Okay, guys, nojoke.

You heard littleJeff.

We have got to strap it down.

- Okay?

- What does that mean?

I have no idea.

But you- He said it specifically.

I think it means

we've got to do better.

[Siren Blaring]

[Dangle]

What the f***, man?

- That's what the siren's for.

- [Garcia] You gotta signal.

- You're supposed to signal.!

- Use your signal, f*** head.!

[Junior]

F***in'deaf, dude.

- [Siren Blaring]

- We are on a highly classified mission...

from Homeland Security delivering

vital materials to Captain Rogers.

E.T.A., 1.5 seconds.

- Whoa. Made it.

- What have we got?

- Coffee, sir.

- Here you go. Nice and hot.

I asked you for coffee. I didn't say

to make a national emergency out of it.

We still haven't found an antidote.

In 24 hours, I'm gonna have over

Not like you.

Real cops.

If you f*** with me

one more time...

I'm gonna fill up a tube sock

with oranges.

I'm gonna beat you till I juice 'em.

Then I'm gonna drink that juice in front of you.

And you're gonna beg me, "Why? Why? Why?"

But I won't answer that question.

'Cause you'll know it-

so you'll get your heads out of your asses!

- Get outta here. Go.

- Now.

Louis, coffee.

- What are we doin'?

- I don't know. We tried to do somethin' right.

Right? We give the guy-

Guy wants coffee.

[Screaming]

[Garcia]

Aaah.! Why?

[Fingers Snapping]

- Oh, sh*t!

- Come on, man!

- Dang!

- Goddamn it.

You guys are pretty smart, huh?

- No.

- No, we're not.

No, you keep saying that.

No, we're not. We're not smart.

[Fingers Snapping]

[Fingers Snapping]

What? Ricky,

what are you doing?

- Why you take one of my own, huh?

- We don't know this man.

Why you work against me? Why the three

of you and Mr. Big work against me?

No, we don't-

we don't know him.

- [Man] I've never seen those men in my life.

- I've never seen him!

- We didn't take him. We don't know him.

- Watch this.

- Why... are you doing this?

- You're gonna light somebody up

on your own f***in' boat?

That's really, really bright.

You came to my daughter's

birthday party!

Bad decision. Guys!

You wore a hat

on her birthday party!

Light this piece of"chit" up.

Don't light this chicken!

Don't light this chicken!

Come on.

Leave him alone.

- I said piece of"chit," not chicken.

- I'll see you on the other side!

- [Whimpering]

- Oh, God. Oh, sh*t.

- Watch the hat.

- Oh, my God!

[Screaming]

[Crying]

Oh, my.

Sheriff's department.

I need to know

if you've seen me before...

and if I got this done

at this establishment.

No, ma'am.

- Show me the other side.

- No.

- No, it looks-They're twins.

- You got anything down there?

Actually, I have nothing down there.

- Just like a Barbie.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- ####[Williams, Wiegel Singing]

- [Phones Ringing]

## [Continues]

- ## [Vocalizing]

- [Ringing Continues]

## [Beat-Boxing]

[Ringing Continues]

## [Vocalizing]

- Ow!

- [Ringing Continues]

Ow!

- Ow!

- [Ringing Continues]

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh-

[Choking]

[Clears Throat]

We have received a noise complaint...

at the residence of someone

named Suge Knight?

- 4211. Here we go.

- Suge Knight.

This is a house, huh?

[Laughs]

- Mr. Suge Knight?

- ####[Rap:
Lndistinct]

- Sheriff's department!

- Sheriff's department!

Mr. Suge Knight!

####[Rap]

- Sh*t.

- Hi. Hi. Hi.

Uh, we're gonna need

to find Mr. Suge Knight.

We're gonna need to get

the music turned down, okay?

Uh, ex-excuse me.

Uh, d-do you know a Mr. Suge Knight?

"Soog" Knight. Suge-

Are you Suge?

Are you Suge?

Are you Jay-Z?

Are you any of'em?

- I don't think so.

- Uh, it's his birthday.

- It's Suge Knight's birthday?

- Suge Knight's birthday.

Hey, when are they doing the cake for Suge?

Does anybody know?

Okay, I am standing right here!

I am using my outside voice,

and I am very angry right now!

I want the music

turned off right now!

I am so serious,

it's not even funny!

The music goes off right now!

####[Stops]

And now that

I have your attention...

we have a special message

for the birthday boy...

from Miami's...

number one strip-o-grams.

That's right, birthday boy.

## [Singing]

That's right.

## [Both Singing]

## [Stop]

[Yawns]

Listen.

[Wiegel]

What?

No phones.

No 911 calls.

- All right.

- It's a city under control, people.

- Wow.

- Reno S.D.

Reno S.D. All right, okay. Okay.

[Clears Throat]

- It's 0200 hours right now.

- [Williams] Mm-hmm.

I don't think we're any good to this city

unless we get some rest, okay?

Let's take a-

like a hour and a half.

We'll regroup here at 0330, okay?

Get some rest.

That is an order.

####[Dance]

'Cause it's dirty! Yeah!

####[Continues]

You need me to hold your drink for you?

It's all right. She's good.

Oh! What!

In this corner, we got

our undefeated champ...

and in this corner, we got some old,

weird uncle of somebody's and sh*t.

Yo, man, you need to bring it.

Come on.

You scared?

- [Man] Ohh.!

- Need security.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Neon Buzzing]

[Footsteps Approaching]

- Hey, there, Jim.

- [Door Closes]

What do you say?

Trudy, don't cry.

- Oh, God, I'm so humiliated.

- Okay. Oh, God.

Trudy. Trudy, please don't cry.

Jim, I was just hoping that

maybe one time...

- you and I could just sort

of hold each other and-

- I know. I know.

Trudy, you know I'm playing

for Visitor, okay?

- Mm-hmm. L- I had a hunch.

- You had a hunch?

- Yeah.

- Did you?

Jim, would you just

give me a pity f***?

[Sighs]

[Plastic Bottle Bouncing]

[Burps]

I thought that would break.

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