Rent Page #7

MAUREEN:

Joanne, which way to the stage?

ALL:

Snow

(Blackout)

OVER THE MOON (The Lot)

MARK:

Maureen's performance

MAUREEN (in front of a microphone)

Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland

It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty

Out of the abyss walked a cow Elsie

I asked if she had anything to drink

She said, "I'm forbidden to produce milk

In Cyberland, we only drink Diet Coke

She said, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon"

"They've closed everything real down ... like barns, troughs, performance

spaces

And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life

But there is a way out

BACKUPS:

Leap of faith, leap of faith

Leap of faith, leap of faith

MAUREEN:

"Only thing to do is jump over the moon"

I gotta get out of here! It's like I'm being tied

to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed

in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff

by a suicidal Mickey Mouse! I've gotta find a way

"To jump over the moon

Only thing to do is jump over the moon"

BACKUPS:

Leap of faith, etc

MAUREEN:

Then a little bulldog entered. His name (we have learned) was Benny

And although he once had principles,

He abandoned them to live as a lap dog to a wealthy daughter of the

revolution

"That's bull," he said

"Ever since the cat took up the fiddle, that cow's been jumpy

And the dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped ...

She's had trouble with that milk and the moon ever since

Maybe it's a female thing

'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway?...

Walls ain't so bad

The dish and the spoon for instance

They were down on their luck - knocked on my doghouse door

I said, "Not in my backyard, utensils! Go back to China!"

"The only way out is up," Elsie whispered to me

"A leap of faith. Still thirsty?" she asked

Parched. "Have some milk"

I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder

And sucked the sweetest milk I'd ever tasted

(MAUREEN makes a slurping, sucking sound)

"Climb on board," she said

And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland,

We reared back and sprang into a gallop

Leaping out of orbit

I awoke singing

BACKUPS:

Leap of faith, etc

MAUREEN:

Only thing to do

Only thing to do is jump

Only thing to do is jump over the moon

Only thing to do is jump over the moon

Over the moon over the

Moooooooo

Moooooooo

Moooooooo

Moooooooo

Moo with me

(MAUREEN encourages the audience to moo with her. She says,

"C'mon, sir, moo with me," etc. The audience responds. When the

"moos" reach a crescendo, she cuts them off with a big sweep of her

arms)

Thank you

(Blackout)

LA VIE BOHEME (Life Cafe)

(Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be

seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right,

BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT

MAN tries to shoo our friends out)

RESTAURANT MAN:

No please no

Not tonight please no

Mister can't you go

Not tonight can't have a scene

ROGER:

What?

RESTAURANT MAN:

Go, please go;

You - Hello, sir

I said, "No"

Important customer

MARK:

What am I just a blur?

RESTAURANT MAN:

You sit all night you never buy

MARK:

That's a lie that's a lie

I had a tea the other day

RESTAURANT MAN:

You couldn't pay

MARK:

Oh yeah

COLLINS:

Benjamin Coffin III - here?

RESTAURANT MAN:

Oh no

ALL:

Wine and beer!

MAUREEN:

The enemy of Avenue A

We'll stay

(They sit)

RESTAURANT MAN:

Oy vey!

COLLINS:

What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

BENNY:

I would like to propose a toast

To Maureen's noble try

It went well

MAUREEN:

Go to hell

BENNY:

Was the yuppie scum stomped

Not counting the homeless

How many tickets weren't comped

ROGER:

Why did Muffy-

BENNY:

Alison

ROGER:

Miss the show?

BENNY:

There was a death in the family

If you must know

ANGEL:

Who died?

BENNY:

Our Akita

BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS

Evita

BENNY:

Mimi I'm surprised

A bright and charming girl like you

Hangs out with these slackers

(Who don't adhere to deals)

They make fun yet I'm the one

Attempting to do some good

Or do you really want a neighborhood

Where people piss on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia's

A fallacy in your head

This is Calcutta

Bohemia is dead

(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with

MARK delivering the "eulogy")

MARK:

Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER

Dies irae dies illa

Kyrie eleison

Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc.

MARK:

Here she lies

No one knew her worth

The late great daughter of mother earth

On this night when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Bethlehem

We raise our glass- you bet your ass to-

(MAUREEN flashes hers)

La vie Boheme

ALL:

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

MARK:

To days of inspiration

Playing hookie, making something out of nothing

The need to express

To communicate,

To going against the grain,

Going insane

Going mad

To loving tension, no pension

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating convention, hating pretension

Not to mention of course,

Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike,

Midday past the three- piece suits

To fruits to no absolutes

To Absolute- to choice

To the Village Voice

To any passing fad

To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -

ALL:

La vie Boheme

La vie Boheme

(JOANNE enters)

MAUREEN:

Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE:

It is, Maureen

MAUREEN:

The mixer doesn't have a case

Don't give me that face

(MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)

MR. GREY

Ahhemm

MAUREEN:

Hey Mister- she's my sister

RESTAURANT MAN:

So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad

Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter

And one pasta with meatless balls

A BOY:

Ugh

COLLINS:

It tastes the same

MIMI:

If you close your eyes

RESTAURANT MAN:

And thirteen orders of fries

Is that it here?

ALL:

Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries

To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese

To leather, to d*ldos, to curry vindaloo

To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation

MARK:

Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS

Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new

COLLINS:

To Sontag

ANGEL:

To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE:

To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER

Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS:

Lenny Bruce

ROGER:

Langston Hughes

MAUREEN:

To the stage

PERSON #1

To Uta

PERSON #2

To Buddha

PERSON #3

Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI

Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow

To blow off Auntie Em

ALL:

La vie Boheme

(JOANNE returns)

MAUREEN:

And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE:

Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN:

Well - hurry back

(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)

MR. GREY

Sisters?

MAUREEN:

We're close

(ANGEL jumps on top of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss)

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