Rent Page #6

We're okay

Honeybear wait!

I'm on the other phone

Yes, I have the cowbell

We're okay

(into cellular phone)

So tell them we'll sue

But a settlement will do

Sexual harassment and civil rights too

Steve, you're great

(into pay phone)

No you cut the paper plate

Didja cheat on Mark a lot would you say?

We're okay

Honey hold on

(into cellular phone)

Steve, hold on

(JOANNE presses the call-waiting button on the cellular phone)

Hello?

Dad - yes

I beeped you

Maureen is coming to Mother's hearing

We're okay

(into pay phone)

Honeybear - what?

Newt's lesbian sister

I'll tell them

(into cellular phone)

You heard?

(into pay phone)

They heard

We're okay

(into cellular phone)

And to you dad

(JOANNE presses the call-waiting as she speaks into the pay phone)

Yes - Jill is there?

(into cellular phone)

Steve gotta-

(into pay phone)

Jill with the short black hair?

The Calvin Klein model?

(into cellular phone)

Steve, gotta go

(into pay phone)

The model who lives in Penthouse A?

We're

We're okay

I'm on my way

CHRISTMAS BELLS (Various locations, St. Marks Place)

FIVE HOMELESS PEOPLE

Christmas bells are ringing

Christmas bells are ringing

Christmas bells are singing

On TV - at Saks

SQUEEGEEMAN:

Honest living, honest living

Honest living, honest living

Honest living, honest living

ALL FIVE HOMELESS

Can't you spare a dime or two

Here but for the grace of God go you

You'll be merry

I'll be merry

Tho merry ain't in my vocabulary

No sleighbells

No Santa Claus

No yule log

No tinsel

No holly

No hearth

No

SOLOIST:

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

ALL FIVE:

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

No room at the Holiday Inn oh no

(A few flakes of snow begin to descend)

And it's beginning to snow

(The stage suddenly explodes with life. The scene is St. Mark's Place on

Christmas Eve -- an open-air bazaar of color, noise, and movement)

VENDORS:

Hats, bats, shoes, booze

Mountain bikes, potpourri

Leather bags, girlie mags

Forty-fives, AZT

VENDOR #1

No one's buying

Feel like crying

ALL:

No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no

And it's beginning to snow

(Lights up on one woman, who is showing off a collection of stolen coats

to COLLINS and ANGEL)

VENDOR #2

How about a fur

In perfect shape

Owned by an MBA from uptown

I got a tweed

Broken in by a greedy

Broker who went broke

And then broke down

COLLINS:

You don't have to do this

ANGEL:

Hush your mouth, it's Christmas

COLLINS:

I do not deserve you, Angel

Give-give

All you do

Is give

Give me some way to show

How much you've touched me so

ANGEL:

Wait--what's on the floor?

Let's see some more

No-no-no

Kiss me - it's beginning to snow

(Lights focus on MARK and ROGER on right above)

MARK:

She said, "Would you light my candle?"

And she put on a pout

And she wanted you

To take her out tonight?

ROGER:

Right

MARK:

She got you out!

ROGER:

She was more than okay

But I pushed her away

It was bad I got mad

And I had to get her out of my sight

MARK:

Wait, wait, wait you said she was sweet

ROGER:

Let's go eat - I'll just get fat

It's the one vice left when you're dead meat

(MIMI has entered looking furtively for THE MAN)

There - that's her

MARK:

Maureen?

ROGER:

Mimi

MARK:

Whoa

ROGER:

I should go

MARK:

Hey - it's beginning to snow

(The POLICE OFFICERS, in riot gear, enter above)

POLICE OFFICERS:

I'm dreaming of a white, right Christmas

(POLICE OFFICERS exit)

MIMI & JUNKIES

Follow the man follow the man

With his pockets full of the jam

Follow the man follow the man

Help me out, daddy

If you can

Got any D man?

THE MAN:

I'm cool

MIMI & JUNKIES

Got any C man?

THE MAN:

I'm cool

MIMI & JUNKIES

Got any X?

Any smack?

Any horse?

Any jugie boogie boy?

Any blow?

(ROGER pulls MIMI aside)

ROGER:

Hey

MIMI:

Hey

ROGER:

I just want to say

I'm sorry for the way

MIMI:

Forget it

ROGER:

I blew up

Can I make it up to you?

MIMI:

How?

ROGER:

Dinner party?

MIMI:

That'll do

THE MAN:

Hey lover boy cutie pie

You steal my client you die

ROGER:

You didn't miss me- you won't miss her

You'll never lack for customers

JUNKIES:

I'm willin'

I'm illin'

I gotta get my sickness off

Gotta run, gotta ride

Gotta gun, gotta hide - gotta go

THE MAN:

And it's beginning to snow

BENNY:

(entering, talking on his cellular phone)

Wish me luck, Alison

The protest is on

COAT VENDOR:

L.L Bean

Geoffrey Beene

Burburry zip out

Lining

JUNKIES:

Got any C man?

Got any D man?

Got any B man?

Got any crack?

Got any X?

SQUEEGEEMAN:

Honest living-

ROGER:

Mark, this is Mimi

MARK/MIMI

Hi

ROGER:

She'll be dining (with us)

COAT VENDOR:

Here's a new arrival

THE MAN:

That is an ounce

VENDORS:

Hats, dats, bats

COLLINS:

That's my coat!

COAT VENDOR:

We give discounts

MARK:

I think we've met

ANGEL:

Let's get a better one

COLLINS:

It's a sham

MIMI:

That's what he said

THE MAN:

I said it's a gram!

COLLINS:

But she's a thief!

ANGEL:

But she brought us together

BENNY:

Which investor is coming??

COLLINS:

I'll take the leather

BENNY:

Your father? Damn!

(The following is sung simultaneously)

HOMELESS & VENDORS

Christmas bells are swinging

Christmas bells are ringing

Christmas bells are singing

In my dreams - next year

Once you donate you can go

Celebrate in Tuckahoe

You'll feel cheery

I'll feel cheery

Tho' I don't really know that theory

No bathrobe

No steuben glass

No cappucino makers

No pearls, no diamonds

No 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire'

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

No room at the Holiday Inn, oh no-

POLICE OFFICERS:

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Jingle bells prison cells

Fa la la la fa la la la

You have the right to remain

Silent night holy night

Fall on your knees oh night divine

You'll do some time

Fa la la la la

Fa la la la la

JUNKIES:

Got any C man?

Got any D man?

Got any B man?

Got any X? Crack?

I'm willin' I'm illin'

Gotta get my sickness off

C-D help me

Follow the man follow the man

Follow the man

Jugie boogie jugie boogie

Follow the man follow the man

Any crack any X any jugie boogie boy

Any blow any X any jugie boogie boy

Got any D man, got any C man

Got any crack any X- any jugie boogie?

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-five

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-five

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

No way

Twenty-four

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-four

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Not today

Twenty-three

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-three

ANGEL:

Fifteen

It's old

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-two

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Twenty-one

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Seventeen

ANGEL:

Fifteen

COAT VENDOR:

Fifteen

ANGEL & COAT VENDOR

Sold!

MARK & ROGER

Let's

Go

To

The lot Maureen's performing

MIMI:

Who's Maureen?

ROGER:

His ex

MARK:

But I am over her

ROGER:

Let's not hold hands yet

MIMI:

Is that a warning?

ALL THREE:

He/You/I

Just

Need(s)

To take it slow

I should tell you I should tell you

I should tell you I should tell you

I should tell you I

ALL:

And it's beginning to

And it's beginning to

And it's beginning to

(Lights blackout and a blinding headlight comes through the door. As it

reaches downstage, the lights come up and reveal MAUREEN)

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