Restless Natives Page #2

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OF SOMETHING:

ALONG THOSE LINES.

ANYWAY, PAL, IT'S NO THE MONEY THAT MATTERS

ANYMORE, IT'S ME

AND YOU.

WE'RE BIGGER THAN...

WE'RE BIGGER,

BIGGER THAN SOMETHING

REALLY, REALLY BIG.

WE'VE MADE IT.

THIS IS THE BIG TIME.

THE BIG TIME.

I AM NOT HOLDING UP

ANY TRAINS.

GOOD MORNING, SON.

GOOD MORNING.

I TAKE IT WE ARE

TO BELIEVE THA YOUR CEASELESS QUES FOR AN HONEST DAY'S WORK

HAS ONCE MORE:

BEEN IN VAIN.

UM...

UH-HUH.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU

WHAT, SON.

YOU DID BRING I ON YOUR BLOODY SELF.

HOW IS RONNIE:

GETTING ON IN THE SHOP?

ENJOYING IT, IS HE?

AYE, YES.

GOOD WEE RONNIE.

HAH!

POLICE ARE TODAY SEARCHING

FOR TWO YOUNG SCOTS

WHO HELD UP AND ROBBED

A COACHLOAD OF TOURISTS

ON A REMOTE:

HIGHLAND ROAD.

[CHUCKLES]

AIN'T IT A BEAUTY.

TAKE IT, MAN.

DISGUISED AS A CLOWN

AND A WOLFMAN,

THEY TOOK AN ESTIMATED

600 IN CASH

AND AN UNKNOWN QUANTITY

OF VALUABLES:

FROM THE 40

FRIGHTENED PASSENGERS

BEFORE RIDING OFF AT HIGH

SPEED INTO THE HILLS AGAIN.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

THAT'S BLOODY CLEVER.

BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S

A REALLY BAD THING TO DO,

TO TAKE OTHER:

PEOPLE'S MONEY,

PEOPLE THAT HAVEN' DONE YOU ANY HARM?

WELL, OF COURSE

IT IS, WILL.

DON'T LISTEN

TO YOUR FATHER.

HE'S NOTHING BU AN OLD CROOK ANYWAY.

THE GAS SPORT ISN'T EXACTLY

THE LITTLE SISTERS OF THE POOR.

NO THANKS TO YOU.

LOOK AT THIS.

TWO YOUNG LADS HAD

THE WIT AND STYLE

TO TAKE 600 QUID

OFF A BUNCH OF STUPID TOURISTS.

AND GOD KNOWS, THEY'D

PROBABLY SPEND THAT MUCH

IN AN AFTERNOON:

ON PLASTIC BLOODY BAGPIPES.

WELL, THESE LADS CAN HAVE

MY VOTE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

600 QUID.

MRS. BARBARA GINSBURG

OF WINVILLE, VERMONT, SAID,

"THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED

TO ME BEFORE."

THIS HAS NEVER:

HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE?

AYE.

UH, HELLO THERE.

YOU MAY HAVE:

HEARD OF US.

WE WERE IN THE PAPERS

LAST WEEK.

THIS IS OUR GUN.

WE HAVE A GUN!

MY FRIEND THE WOLFMAN,

HE WILL NOW COME

AMONGST YOU:

AND COLLECT YOUR CASH,

JEWELRY, AND WATCHES.

OH, THANKS.

THANK YOU.

THANKS.

OH, THANK YOU.

THAT'S LOVELY.

THANKS, THANKS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GREAT.

OH, HOLD ONTO THAT.

NO, THANKS.

OH, THAT'S LOVELY.

OH, ISN'T THAT LOVELY?

LOOK, RONNIE.

I'VE GOT TO HAVE

10 TO GET BACK

TO THE AIRPORT.

HAS ANYBODY GO A 5.00 NOTE?

Man:
HERE YOU ARE, SON.

HERE'S 5 ONES.

THANKS VERY MUCH, SIR.

HERE'S 5 SINGLES.

HERE'S A 5, AND I'LL

TAKE THE 50. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.

THANKS. THANK YOU.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I WON'T BE A MOMENT,

SIR.

YOU'VE JUST GOT TO

HOLD UP THE BUS.

Ronnie:
COME ON! LET'S GO!

ARE YOU QUITE:

FINISHED, PAL?

SORRY.

[GIRL GIGGLES]

[SHEEP BLEATING]

IT'S NOT ON.

REALLY!

IT'S JUST NOT ON.

COME ON, LET'S JUST GE THESE CHANGED AND GO.

HAVE YOU GONE SOF IN THE HEAD?

NO!

[CHATTERING]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN

LANGUAGE]

CAN YOU SPEAK I NO. I THINK IT'S MORE

LIKE THE LON CHANEY ONE.

MR. BENDER'S HERE

TO SEE YOU, SIR.

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

THAT'LL BE ALL.

[LAUGHING]

OHH!

ALL RIGHT, CUT THE CACKLE.

QUIET, PLEASE.

NOW, COME ON.

CUT THE RACKET.

I'VE GOT A TELEX FROM

THE SECRETARY OF STATE.

THE SCOTTISH SECRETARY.

HE SAYS THAT QUESTION

ABOUT ARMED GUARDS

IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

QUIET, PLEASE!

FROM DETECTIVE:

SHAFER, SCOTLAND:

"ADVISE UTMOS EXPEDIENCY

"IN APPREHENDING

HIGHWAYMEN.

POTENTIAL POLITICAL

HOT POTATO."

HOW ABOUT THAT, EH?

"SWIFT ACTION AND

LOW PROFILE IMPERATIVE."

LOW PROFILE.

LOW PROFILE.

[SIGHS] WELL...

WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO

IS THAT THESE TWO LADS

HAVE SHANGHAIED:

TWO COACH LOADS:

OF WHAT IS NOW REGARDED

AS SCOTLAND'S

PRIZE IMPORT.

AND WE ARE INSTRUCTED

TO USE THE UTMOS EXPEDIENCY IN NIPPING I IN THE BUD...

[SNAPPING]

BEFORE THEY DO:

ANY FURTHER DAMAGE

TO OUR RELATIONS WITH

OUR FRIENDS FROM ABROAD.

LIAISON WITH:

THE BUS COMPANIES

WILL BE TWO OF:

THE NUMBERS:

THAT YOU HAVE GOT,

RIGHT?

THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY

LANGUAGE BARRIER THERE.

NOW THIS INVESTIGATION

IS TO BE CONDUCTED

ON AN INTERNATIONAL

FRAMEWORK.

AND WE ARE TO HAVE

THE ASSISTANCE OF

A GENTLEMAN:

FROM CENTRAL AMERICA--

FROM THE AMERICAN CENTRAL

INTELLIGENCE BUREAU.

MR. FRITZ BENDER.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HI.

EXCUSE ME.

CHRIST, IT'S THE MAN

FROM UNCLE.

[CHUCKLES]

AHEM.

THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH

TO TELL THIS WEEK.

MR. HARDWICK SAYS

I CAN STAY ON TILL

THE END OF THE MONTH,

BUT AFTER THAT I DON'T KNOW.

BRUCE HAS BEEN GETTING

REALLY FAT.

GOD, YOU SHOULD SEE HIM.

HE JUST WOBBLES AROUND EATING

AND SHITTING THE WHOLE TIME.

HARDLY EVER GOES

IN HIS GRILL.

HEY, MAYBE I'M GIVING HIM

TOO MUCH NUTS.

THE WEATHER'S BEEN GOOD

APART FROM TODAY.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

AHEM.

I'VE BEEN HOLDING UP BUSES.

YOU KNOW, LIKE,

LIKE ROBBING THEM,

TAKING ALL THE TOURISTS' MONEY.

BEEN IN THE PAPERS

AND EVERYTHING.

I'M REALLY QUITE ENJOYING IT.

ANYWAY, I'LL TRY NO TO GET IN ANY TROUBLE.

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK NOW.

Will:
SHE HAD

A BONNIE NOSE.

80.

NOT TOO LONG.

AND NOT TOO WIDE.

AND NOT TAMPED DOWN

AT THE BOTTOM.

80...

HE HAD IN HIS WALLET.

A PERFECT NOSE.

HE JUST PULLED IT OU AND DROPPED IT IN THE BAG.

80, YOU KNOW?

I KNOW. IT WAS ME

HE GAVE IT TO.

HOW MUCH WAS IT?

80.

80.

[BELL RINGS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

UH, DO YOU HAVE

ANY FALSE TITS?

OH. AYE.

HOW MUCH ARE THEY?

MEDIUM 4.75.

LARGE 6.50.

MEDIUM.

COULD YOU, UH,

WRAP THEM UP?

THAT'S 4.75, PLEASE.

HERE'S YOUR CHANGE.

THERE'S YOUR RECEIPT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU.

[BELL RINGS]

OHH...

I'VE GOT TO FIND

HER AGAIN.

WHO?

YOU KNOW. HER!

NO!

[BELL RINGS]

Angus:
LISTEN,

I'M IN A HURRY.

NO! NO! GET OUT!

GET! AND DON'T COME BACK!

LOOK, HOW DO YOU THINK

YOU COULD FIND HER?

THERE MUST BE MILLIONS

OF GIRLS OUT THERE

IN BUSES JUST LIKE THAT--

MILLIONS!

ANYWAY, YOU CAN'T.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T.

THE WHOLE OPERATION IS

COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL.

IT'S GOT TO BE,

OR WE'RE BUGGERED.

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL

HER ABOUT IT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO SAY:

TO HER, THEN?

COME ON, BRUCE,

CAN YOU STRETCH:

YOUR LEGS? COME ON.

I'M GONNA GE A PHONE IN HERE.

A TELEPHONE?

AYE, FOR PHONE CALLS

AND THINGS.

COME HERE AND HAVE

A LOOK AT THIS.

I'M NOT GOING TO

TOUCH THIS LOT, THOUGH.

I'M NOT GOING

TO BREAK THE RULES.

LOOK AT ME, BRUCE.

LOOK AT ME.

I'M GOING UP

TO THE BUS STATION.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA

WHAT THE PENALTY

FOR ARMED ROBBERY IS?

IT'S 12 YEARS!

12 YEARS!

AND, AND ASSAULT...

THREATENING BEHAVIOR.

I'M NOT WEARING

A COSTUME.

WILL, PLEASE...

[SIGHS]

OK.

BUT LOOK, NO GOING

INTO THE BUS STATION,

NO TALKING TO:

ANYBODY EXCEPT HER,

NO TELLING HER:

WHO YOU ARE,

AND NO MENTION:

I EVEN EXIST, RIGHT?

WAIT. HERE.

HERE.

POTIFER'S OINTMENT.

GUARANTEED RELIEF

FROM SHINGLES,

SCABIES, ECSEMA,

PSORIASIS,

WARTS...AND OTHER

CONDITIONS OF THE SKIN.

[BEEP, BEEP]

THEY HAD A GUN!

YOU COULD HARDLY

ASK ME TO TACKLE

TWO MASKED GUNMEN.

BUT YOU'VE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY

NEARLY TWO YEARS NOW.

THE FACT IS WHATEVER

SUPERINTENDENT BAIRD

MAY SAY, WE ARE LEF WITH A BUSLOAD OF

IRATE CLIENTS, AND

YOU'RE HALF THE CAUSE

OF THE WORRY.

MR. ILLINGWORTH--

I'M NOT GOING

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