Return to Zero Page #4

You got to throw some chum

in the water, distract him.

I'll drive.

You think I can put

"thrown as chum" on my resume?

Why don't I just run in

and take care of it?

No, I'm fine.

Thanks.

Nothing good

can last forever

Oh, hi.

Grab that.

Can I help you?

I wanted to return this.

Do you have the receipt?

Uh-Huh. Right there.

Oh, I'm sorry.

This is over 60 days.

We don't take returns

or exchanges after 60 days.

But that's what

a gift receipt is for.

Sorry. Store policy.

Um...

could you... make an exception

just this one time, please?

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I'm not authorized to do that.

Ma'am?

Don't call her ma'am.

Ma'am?

Can we talk to a manager?

I am the manager.

Oh, good,

Because, um, I'd like a refund.

I'm not giving you a refund.

You know what?

Let me explain something to you.

There have been some

extenuating circumstances.

I've been a little busy

With something

a little more important

Than returning this present

to your cheap-Ass store.

Oh. You know what I think

of your return policy?

Here, let me show you.

See, this is actually

pretty cute, but...

that is what I think

of your return policy!

I'm calling the police!

Mags, wait!

Maggie! Maggie!

Come on.

Oh, I don't think

we ordered those.

I did.

You need this.

You've been cooped up too long.

You're right.

I do need it.

I'm really sorry.

What you guys went through,

No one should have to

go through that.

And that memorial service...

good god.

This'll blow your mind.

If we had had a tombstone,

The date of birth

Would have been the day after

the date of death.

Could I get two more?

Thanks.

Thank you.

This whole experience has been like that.

Let me live vicariously

through your crazy-Ass life.

What's going on?

Well, I'm still dating

that douche bag.

Thatagirl.

I'd break up with him,

but he has a huge...

of course.

Yeah.

Length, girth?

Length, moron. Geez.

Three beers,

and you're already sloppy.

You're not getting laid tonight.

Yeah, well...

poor Geddy Lee.

Who is Geddy Lee?

The lead singer of rush.

You are old.

He is also the head

of the rhythm section

Of my personal

humpty-hump band.

Hmm.

Poor little Geddy Lee.

Geddy lee is not little.

He is of average to...

maybe above-Average height.

I'm sure he'll be able

to lay some sweet beats down

Once the band

gets back together.

He's a bassist.

Too bad.

I'm a sucker for drummers.

Did you lose your keys?

Are you ready

for a good time?

Tick and tocking

till the sun shines...

Hi, Christine, Kathleen.

How nice to see you.

You look wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

How are the boys?

Oh, my oldest is off to college.

Time to party!

Oh, my...

Maggie, last time I saw you,

you were out to here!

How's the baby?

Where do I put the...

Why don't I take it?

And I'll get a glass

of champagne.

So insensitive.

And she's wearing my jacket.

I'm just gonna

put the gift down.

Oh, h...

Oh, run. Run away.

I am contagious.

Thank you.

Honey, it's hard for people.

They don't know

what to say to you.

I'm sure it's very hard

for people.

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you so much

for coming. Aww.

It's okay.

Oh, you look beautiful!

Trish! Oh, my goodness.

Thank you.

Maggie, doesn't she look

beautiful?

Did you feel him move?

Yeah.

Everything's fine.

Seriously, he's kicking so much,

I feel like

I'm carrying Jackie chan.

Okay.

That's Maureen Chadwick.

Oh, my gosh.

I haven't seen her

since the divorce.

I think she had some work done.

Go say hi, mom.

I'll be right back.

Hi, Maureen! You look great!

...hope you're ready

for a good time

I'm happy you came.

It means the world to me,

But if this is

too much too soon, it's...

No, no. It's fine.

Okay.

Yeah.

We have a bar, if that helps.

It might.

Okay.

Boy, you're really fat.

I know.

Ooh, incoming, 11:00.

Oh, who is it?

It's Annie.

Oh, Jesus...

Hi, Trish.

- Beautiful shower.

- Thank you.

Maggie...

can I give you a hug?

Um, yeah.

Sure.

Oh, okay. Thank you.

I saw you across the room,

And I was moved to come over

here and say something.

Oh, okay.

What happened doesn't make

sense, Maggie, not to us.

God's will is impossible

for us to understand,

But he wants you to know that

he loves you and your son...

Annie, sweetie, I don't think

this is helping very much.

And I pray...

I pray that you realize

That god is a light

for each of us to follow

To find our way to his plan...

a plan which is perfect

in every single way.

Annie.

Yes, Maggie.

Tell me more

about this perfect plan.

It's a mystery.

It is a mystery.

It is.

But it is perfect.

You must have faith in that.

So... so, god's perfect plan

for me

Could be to suffer a loss

so great, so devastating,

That I would

lose my faith in god.

Is that right?

'Cause that is a mystery.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I can't really be here.

Okay. Okay.

It's okay.

Have fun.

Okay.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Thanks, Annie.

That was fantastic.

Runs over a man!

Oh, and he's finally tripped up

at the 42 of Minnesota!

Catch the ball!

Can you get that?!

Fourth quarter!

You're closer!

Texas Christian coming

the long way across the field

Just in time to make that...

Trick or treat!

One sec.

One sec?

Oh!

Dude.

Because they can't all be treats, kids.

This is wrong.

Did he just give you rocks?

Aaron!

Hey, uh, I'm sorry.

Um, hold on.

Hold on one second.

Oh, my god!

You are such an ass!

Hold on!

I got...

I got some... gum.

And... I'm really sorry.

We're not prepared this year.

My mom won't let us eat it

if it's already unwrapped.

She's right.

Come on, guys.

Let's go somewhere else.

She's... She's right.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, let's go somewhere else.

I'm sorry! Sorry!

Happy Halloween!

You gave kids rocks?

Oh, yeah.

I mixed my metaphors.

That's Christmas.

That's coal, moron.

Must be the...

Oh, yeah.

And I missed a touchdown.

Thank you for ruining this.

Oh, I ruin everything now, huh?

Not everything.

Just some things.

Just some things.

Just some things!

My first pastry class...

oh, my god, Maggie!

It was so wonderful!

I spent four hours making this.

Wow!

It's a macaroon.

Yeah.

My first.

I made it for you because

you were the one person

Who gave me the courage

to follow my dream.

Oh, you were right!

All I had to do was...

Was visualize it.

I love the kitchen, Maggie.

I am the kitchen.

It's where I belong.

And how does that feel

in your body?

Oh, I feel like I'm...

Like I'm floating,

Like if my arms are wings.

I have goose bumps on my legs.

Like right now,

anything is possible.

Maggie?

Yeah, that must feel amazing.

You hold onto that feeling

'Cause that's a really important

resource for you.

Are you all right?

It's fine.

Is this about the miscarriage?

It wasn't a miscarriage.

I had a miscarriage once, too.

You get over these things

in time.

Don't you cry, don't be shy

stand up straight,

here it comes

say goodbye, don't you cry,

hold yourself, don't forget

you are strong, move along

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