Reunion Page #2

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Thank God I'm not the one. Having

to look a fool in front of the class -

- and be laughed at

for the next twenty-five years.

Thanks for giving me writer's block.

Just take some helium, then.

- Sh*t, I'm so excited.

- It's gonna be great.

- Why're you sitting on a swim ring?

- I've got hemorrhoids.

So, are you and Laerke

back together?

- We're not together.

- Then what are you?

- Friends with benefits?

- What's this?

- Put that back.

- Do you use it on your way to work?

Well, my nose hairs are growing.

And my ass hairs are growing. You

should mention that in your speech.

- I told you to put it back.

- Goddammit.

Will Hanne be there?

- No idea. We don't talk anymore.

- Not at all?

No. She left me, so she's the one

who should stay away.

- I'm not sure she'd agree.

- Just avoid each other then.

- And what about Victor?

- That's the worst part.

It's so tough

only having him part time.

I hate having to return him to her.

But don't you appreciate

all the free time you have?

Unlike you,

I happen to like children.

Who says I don't like children?

Then how come

you haven't gotten any?

It wasn't me.

Ask them if theyd like to get laid.

Hi there.

Ask them if theyd like to get laid.

Out riding your bikes, eh?

- Are you laughing at me?

- The light turned green

Aw, shut up.

It's red.

Oops. We've got company.

Are you cruising for p*ssy

or a bruising?

Do we get to pick?

I'll have some p*ssy, then.

Three horny senior citizens

in a Berlingo? Fat chance.

Now move it,

or I'll kick your f***ing ass.

You looking for trouble, ass-wipe?

- What are you doing?

- Who do they think they are?!

They f*** our wives,

steal our jobs and laugh at us!

I'm so f***ing tired of them

and their stupid tattoos!

- What are you doing?

- Throwing a Christian Bale.

Just act like a madman.

That'll cool 'em right off.

Damn, she's cute, huh?

- There you go.

- Thank you.

I have some of your tunes

on my iPhone.

Really? Cool.

Maybe you could

tune me up sometime.

You can tune me up, too.

So, what's up for tonight?

Someone will send me a text later

recommending a night club.

In the meantime,

let's find our room ...

... and drop off our stuff

and then go play some pool.

Unless, of course,

we decide to hit the gym first.

I'm game.

The one in the pink top

is really cute.

Ouch! Ouch ...

- Pushing a little too much weight?

- It's my hemorrhoids.

- Is it from Laerke?

- No, a girl named Simone.

Thomas, I don't get it.

Why can't you just stick to Laerke?

I need some water.

What's eating him?

Maybe Laerke doesn't wanna have kids.

No, I think she'd love to.

Do you guys want more kids?

No. We've been talking about

me getting a vasectomy.

Why are you doing that?

Because two kids are enough.

And Jette's turned forty ...

Why're you smiling at the pink top?

You knew I was interested in her.

Sure, but ...

You don't even know her.

So what? If a guy has dibs

on a girl, you respect that.

Hit on the blue top instead.

Jesus ...

Maybe you should wait a bit

before finding someone new.

So you and Thomas can get

all the hot chicks? I think not.

I could say a few words about

the friends we made back then.

A lot of those people

are still our best friends.

It's like we've been in combat

together with all the homework -

- and exams and parties.

Like we're brothers in arms.

- Brothers? It doesn't feel that way!

- Will you shut up about the pink top?

Of course, we're brothers.

That's why we're taking this trip.

I'm sorry. It's just that ...

It's a lot easier being charming

when you've got someone at home.

I literally reek of divorce.

Come on,

we all reek of something.

What?

You shave your nuts?

Of course I do, man.

You'll never get lucky

with those old school balls.

- To keep the hair out of their teeth?

- Do you think Karsten shaves?

He's what, 29?

Of course he does.

You think Hanne lies there with ...?

I just feel like ...

I can't stand that f***ing guy!

Isn't it kinda masculine

with hairy balls?

Only homeless people walk around

with an afro sack like that.

Could there be something retro chic

about it? Like vinyl records?

You look like old farts.

Just run 'em over with a razor.

What do you say?

I'll do it, if you do it.

Niels will do it.

We're f***ing doing it.

I've just gotta pee.

- What'll I say to Jette?

- She'll be thrilled.

Thrilled that I shave my balls

before a school reunion?

We'll just be a minute.

How much do I need to shave

between the butt cheeks?

That's up to you.

Just shave against the hair.

Against it?

I thought you said with it.

- What are you doing?

- You said to disinfect it.

I meant the razor!

I'm gonna die.

- Thanks for the lotion.

- You're welcome.

It was like lathering up

cherry tomatoes with lubricant.

- Never tried that.

- It's those little ...

- The tomatoes I'm familiar with.

- I can see my own reflection in 'em.

- Take a look.

- I'd rather not.

I know we're different,

but I looked at yours.

This must've been

out in the sun all day.

Did you hear

Niels is getting a vasectomy?

- Are you insane?

- Why?

- If you're not able to have kids ...

- Then what?

Then you're not a real man.

What a crock of sh*t.

For once I agree with Niels.

What a crock of sh*t.

Holy sh*t, Thomas ...

Is that the problem?

You can't have kids?

I don't think so.

My dad couldn't have kids either.

It was a fluke my mom got pregnant.

Why shouldn't you

be able to have kids?

Because ...

Because it took a long time

for my testicles to drop.

Just like my dad.

Is that why you shave your nuts?

To really show them off?

I'm just saying.

Have you been tested?

The longer you wait,

the worse your chances are.

Past forty

your sperm quality goes ...

You can't keep

sticking your head in the sand.

- And old people can't adopt.

- Let's take one thing at a time.

You know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna

have your sperm tested.

Not now. We're going out.

We did our balls up for you.

Now be a man and get yours checked.

I can't stand it here any longer.

Andreas! I'm stuck!

What's wrong?

What?

Is it the hemorrhoids?

My testicles are stuck.

They got lodged in the gap.

Thomas, get in here!

What is it?

It's Niels's testicles.

They're stuck in the bench.

It's your goddamn lotion!

If they can get in,

they can get out.

No, they're swollen.

The blood keeps flowing to 'em.

You've gotta help me.

F***ing hell ...

It's not good.

May I?

F***ing hell ...

Have you got a crowbar?

A crowbar?

There's a fertility clinic

just around the corner.

We can't leave Niels here

in that condition.

I'm coming with you. I'm not the one

who's gonna have to jerk off.

Let's go, Thomas.

Time to spank the monkey.

The fertility clinic, just a moment.

Hello.

Are you gonna sit here

reading magazines, while I ...?

No, we're taking a walk.

- Forget it.

- No.

You're going through with this.

Just go in there and ...

I have an idea.

Let the best man win.

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