Revenge of the Bridesmaids

Lane, we're getting backed up here.

Done in a sec.

- Hey.

- Hey.

No bacon today. I had to fire my meat guy.

How could you fire Pepper Pot?

He's so cute, and his mother has that

skin condition they can't diagnose.

He never brings what I order.

I have 16 pounds of corned

beef and no turkey.

But he's so sweet, and his father has that

foot-grafting operation coming up next month.

I can't keep a guy on because his

parents are falling apart.

I know,

but he tells those funny little limericks,

and his sisters were just surgically

separated two weeks ago.

What are you doing, Kirk?

Did you just eat a 3 musketeers?

No.

You're sure? You really smell like nougat.

Stop sniffing my fiancee.

I can't help it. My senses are much

more finely tuned these days.

What is the scary man talking about?

He's on a juice fast.

Why?

Just wanted to clean out the pipes,

refocus the arteries.

I want to get the healthy glow of someone

who consistently goes to the gym...

without having to go to the gym, of course.

Of course. You look positively radiant.

You want eggs?

Eggs...

Scrambled and a couple pancakes, please.

Blueberry pancakes.

Kirk, eat something.

What? Oh, no, I'm doing fine.

Yeah, okay. Hold on there, speed racer.

I have to get these orders since

I'm the only one serving here.

Almost done, Luke.

I just want to remind you

about Rory's panel--

What?

The panel I'm going to today.

The Young Voices of Journalism panel.

Rory's thing?

Yes. Well, it looks like Christopher

is going to be there, also,

and I just thought you should know.

He's been showing up a lot lately.

He's trying to make good for Rory, so...

I'm good. I'll get you those pancakes.

Blueberry pancakes. Blueberry pancakes!

Okay, what do you think?

Oh! Oh, nice. Very "white rabbit."

Well, I want it to stand out.

It does. It's great.

What do you think of the picture?

The picture's great.

What's wrong with the picture?

I photograph so Asian.

Yeah, well,

I think Ming-Na has that same problem.

I just have to get back in a band.

I'm going crazy not playing.

I can imagine.

I mean, you go from having band practice

every day and seeing

certain people every day,

and then suddenly you're not.

You mean Zach?

And Brian and Gil.

Yeah. You guys still aren't talking?

Well, the flyer is great.

Thanks.

I like the shiny, fancy pens you used.

They're Luke's daughter's, actually.

She left them here last week,

and I snagged them.

Good score.

So she's been coming around

a lot lately, huh?

Yeah, she comes in here and studies or draws.

We even play some games when things get slow.

She kicks my ass at scrabble.

Oh, yeah?

Of course, when we play monopoly, I rule,

because she's a kid

and hasn't gotten the monopoly concept.

She still thinks park place is a good buy.

Sweet.

Yeah.

I used to play board games with Rory a lot.

She'd get very upset when I'd cheat. So cute.

It's hard to cheat with April.

She spends the first 20 minutes reading

the rules manual right in front of you.

Rory was obsessed with battleship.

I always thought she was gonna join

the navy when she grew up.

Well, there's still time.

Yes, fingers crossed.

Hey, Lane, how about a raise?

Sorry, Luke.

I got to go.

Peach shampoo?

You hate it.

Jony, I don't,

and I promise I'm gonna run it.

I just need you to cut about 400 words.

Don't give me that look. Simplify your prose.

You'll still get your point across,

and I won't have to publish

a newspaper the size of a David

Foster Wallace novel.

Paris?

Yes?

I just wanted to give you some notes

on your campus safety piece.

Fine.

Um, well, I think it's good.

It's really good, actually, um,

but the lead's a little flabby.

Getting into an example might

give it more punch up top.

If you say so. Anything else?

Uh, some of the quotes read too long.

I'd cut two or three and trim--

Paris, what are you doing?

I don't know. What am I doing?

You're not making eye contact with me.

I'm looking right at you.

No, you're not.

Want to test me?

Brown hair, blue eyes.

Fine. Here's your hard copy.

I think those notes will help.

Of course you do. They're your notes.

Not because they're my notes,

because they're good notes.

Says the note giver. It'll take half an hour.

Fine.

That was unpleasant.

Try sleeping with her.

I'll take your word for it.

No, it's impossible because

she doesn't sleep anymore.

She makes damn sure I don't, either.

Last night she decided it would be fun to

watch "Saw II" at 3:00 in the morning.

Then when I woke up and asked her

if she could turn it down,

she berated me for being a film snob.

How are you handling it?

I believe the psychological term for

it is "keeping my mouth shut."

I don't know what to do with her.

She's one of the best reporters we have,

but she has gone way beyond

her normal level of nuts.

She's on the warpath right now.

She'll calm down.

She just needs some time.

You know, maybe I could give her more to do.

That piece she just wrote would

make a great series.

Giving her something like that

might help her rebound faster,

make her the normal Paris again.

What do you think?

Um, sure.

That wasn't very convincing.

It's your call.

Doyle, come on.

Former editor to current editor.

What do you think?

Would you do that for any other staffer

who was treating you the way she is?

No.

Look, I have more interest in Paris

snapping out of this than anyone.

I just think it's something she's

gonna get to on her own.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I got to go.

I'm gonna sneak back to the apartment,

see if I can get a few hours of sleep

before Paris comes home and spends

the rest of the night wanting

to play the jazz trumpet.

Yeah, she bought a trumpet.

Hey, Lou. Okay if I put an ad up?

They come down after two weeks.

I can abide by that.

# Take me riding in the car, car #

# Take me riding in the car, car #

# Take me riding in the car, car #

# I'll take you riding in the car #

Joel.

Mom, come on. That's not cool.

# Click-clack, open up the door, girls"

# Click-clack, open up the door, boys #

# Front door, back door, clickety-clack #

Joel, take it.

Take what?

The song. Take it.

Well, unh!

Yeah!

Unh!

Unh unh! Unh unh! Yeah!

Unh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Hey.

Aah! Oh, you scared me.

- Sorry.

- What?

- Sorry!

- What?!

Sorry.

I guess that was a little loud.

- What?!

- Sorry!

I'm telling you,

we should take this on the road.

I see you went with Faye

Dunaway in "Network."

And Maureen Dowd "come hither"

pumps for good measure.

I wish I could be there for you.

Oh, you do not.

I do, too.

You'd be asleep in three minutes.

The pumps would've kept me

going for at least four.

I'm in a suit at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Honor has to have everyone dressed

for a wedding rehearsal.

How'd I get conned into this?

Into what?

Being one of Josh's Groomsmen.

You like Josh.

I don't even know Josh.

He's gonna be your brother-in-law.

Yes, exactly. Going to be.

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