Revenge of the Bridesmaids Page #2

Key word is "going." He's not now.

Your tie is crooked.

But as of today, Josh is simply the guy

who holds my sister's purse

when she goes shopping,

and because of that,

I have to spend the next six hours

practicing to walk in a straight line.

You have yet to accomplish that,

so practice wouldn't hurt.

I'm not there, and I'm bored already.

You can always talk to your

good friend flasky.

Right. Thanks for the reminder.

I just don't understand wedding rehearsals.

The bachelor party, I get.

I bet you do.

The actual ceremony, I get.

But the rehearsal, I don't get.

Wallet.

And after we finish rehearsing,

I have to sit through a 5-course dinner

surrounded by my new family and Honor's

brigade of moronic bridesmaids.

Oh, come on, you love Honor.

Her friends can't be that bad.

Oh, no. Blondie, Dipsy, Bubbles,

Four nose jobs, Charm McGee-- all great gals.

Meow.

Seriously, can't you just do the panel,

blow off the mixer,

and meet me for the dinner?

Logan, come on. By the time I get out

of there and get back here to change,

drive all the way to New York,

dinner would be over.

No, it wouldn't.

Dinner's never gonna be over.

It's gonna last forever.

I will be here waiting for you when you

get back, and I will have aspirin.

Fine. I'll be back by 11:00--

10:
50, possibly 10:30.

Go.

Fine.

Did you forget something?

You look incredible.

Knock 'em dead.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Nice seats.

I got here early and scouted

out the best ones.

We were actually more towards the middle,

but then two people--

I'm pretty sure it was Brigitte Nielsen

and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar--

sat right in front of me.

Brigitte and Kareem showed up, huh?

I swear,

any place with free cheese and crackers,

they are there.

- You look nice.

- Thanks.

I think this haircut cost more than all the

haircuts I've had in my life combined.

Hmm. Well, it was worth it. It looks very,

very short.

Mom, dad.

The woman of the hour.

- You made it.

- Of course we did.

Careful! The hair-- it's pinned perfectly.

Whoa.

Yeah. Sorry. So, are you excited?

Yeah, and nervous.

I've actually got a lot of talking points.

I just feel like I'm gonna get up

there and forget everything.

You're gonna do great, hon.

Yeah, you are.

You're a natural at this kind of thing.

Just remember-- if things don't go well,

we will stop loving you.

I better get up there.

I'll see you guys afterwards.

Yeah. We'll be rooting for you.

It's not really a root-for-me kind of thing,

but thank you.

Well, we brought foam fingers.

And we're doing the wave if things get dull.

Dud?

Welcome, everybody,

to the Young Voices of Journalism Panel.

I'm Arthur Gordon,

a professor of English here at Yale,

and I shall be moderating today's panel.

We're joined today by the editors of some

of the country's most prestigious

collegiate newspapers.

Whoo-hoo!

We have before us editors

from the Harvard Crimson,

the Daily Princetonian,

the Cornell Daily Sun,

the Daily Pennsylvanian,

and the Yale Daily News

all here today to tell us

what's on their minds,

to hear where they think ivy-league

journalism is heading,

and more broadly, to share their views on

the future of the free press in America.

Whoa. Heavy.

So, I will begin by posing a series

of questions to our panel.

Now let's begin.

I was wondering how the panelists would

describe the state of journalistic ethics

on a collegiate level in the

post-Judy Miller era, and--

Wonderful question. Quentin Walsh,

Daily Princetonian.

The ramifications of the scandal to which

you obliquely alluded ought

not to be underestimated.

I hate this guy already.

Rory told me about him.

That's "Pompous Princeton Guy."

Well sure, If your parents name you that,

what chance do you have?

The struggle to preserve the fundamental

principles and rights

upon which our free press depends

was made far more difficult

by the choice of certain reporters

who shall remain unnamed

to capitulate to governmental pressure

and divulge their sources.

He's unbelievable.

He's wearing a bow tie.

Should I dud him?

I myself have, on occasion, felt tremendous

pressure to divulge unnamed sources,

but I've stood my ground, knowing that while

I may suffer for my principled stand,

there was a much greater issue at stake.

If I may?

Rory Gilmore, Yale Daily News.

While I agree that there is no

greater or more important tool

for a free press than confidential sources,

I also think it unwise for us to presume

from our limited experiences

editing college newspapers

that we really have any true understanding

of what it must feel like

when the federal government of the United

States puts the screws to you.

I just think it would be the height

of hubris for us to claim for fact

that we know what we would do when

faced with that kind of pressure.

But that's just one reporter's opinion.

We created her.

Out of thin air.

I just don't care how funny the picture is.

If it's not newsworthy-- and I

can't see how it would be--

I would not publish a picture of the

university president stuffing his face

with key lime pie at the

drama club bake sale.

I'm sure President Levin will

be pleased to hear that.

If someone pushed key lime pie in the

president's face as a statement,

that I would print.

Me, too-- front page.

Quentin, you agreed with me.

I didn't think you were capable.

On that collegial note,

I'm afraid we have to end our discussion.

I'd like to thank all our panelists

for a terrific discussion

and thank you all for coming.

Our girl's got skills.

She even had her arch rival laughing

with her by the end.

She's keeping her enemies close and giggling.

Very devious.

So?

If I had a cooler of Gatorade,

I'd pour it over your head.

Sounds refreshing. So, I was pretty good,

wasn't I?

You dazzled.

You totally wiped the floor

with Pompous Princeton Guy.

Well, the floor looked a little dirty.

So, can we take you out

for an ice-cream soda?

Sorry. I got to go.

We have this editors' mixer thing now.

Rain check?

Yeah, go. Mix well.

- Bye, hon.

- Bye.

We were just rain-checked.

Yep.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Okay, so I kept track, wrote 'em down.

I got 16 words that she used that

I have never heard before.

Perspicacious?

17 words that I have never heard before.

My god, she's smart.

She is smart. She's Anthony Michael

Hall in "Breakfast Club" smart.

I'm very proud and mystified.

Well, me, baby, all me.

Oh, it's my new nanny.

Oh, does Sienna know about this?

Actually, this is the fourth

new nanny in six months.

I'm telling you, pickings are slim out there

for someone decent to look after your kid.

That's why they invented parents.

Ah, crap, she can't work Sunday.

What's going on Sunday?

I promised my mother I'd take her to the

cemetery to visit my dad's grave.

And I'm thinking it might not be

the thrill for G.G. that it's

gonna be for the rest of us.

Not without noisemakers, it won't.

This single parent stuff.

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