Revenge of the Bridesmaids Page #3

Fun, huh?

I tell you, I can't wait till G.G.

starts school.

G.G.'s starting school? You're so old.

Where is she gonna go?

Not sure yet.

These snotty private schools are impossible.

There are waiting lists

and psychological tests

and blood samples and sworn oaths

and dark back-room promises,

and every single headmistress

looks like Dick Cheney.

You can always send her to public school.

Yes, I could, if I wanted to kill my mother.

Well, you will be at the cemetery tomorrow.

Lor.

You know, if you're ever stuck and

you need somebody to watch her,

I'd be happy to fill in.

Really?

Yeah, I'm fun. I like teletubbies.

Sober?

I have got plenty of Rory's

old books and games,

and I'm totally at your service.

Okay, well, I just may take you up on that.

Good.

So, what does "perspicacious" mean?

I don't know. "Persp"-- to perspire?

Am I close?

Close enough for me.

# So, that's right,

dude meet me at the bleachers #

# No principals, no student teachers #

# Both of us want to be the winner #

# But there can only be one #

# So, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all #

# Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you #

# That's right, I'm the last one standing #

# Another one bites the dust #

# A few times I've been around that track #

# So it's not just gonna happen like that #

# I ain't no hollaback girl #

# I ain't no hollaback girl #

# A few times I've been around that track #

# So it's not just gonna happen like that #

# 'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl #

# I ain't no hollaback girl #

# Ooh, ooh, that's my shh

that's my shh #

# Ooh, ooh, that's my shh

that's my shh #

# Ooh, ooh, that's my shh

that's my shh #

# Ooh, ooh, that's my shh

that's my shh #

# Ooh, ooh #

Thank you, everyone.

That's our Bat Mitzvah girl Julia Lowman's

favorite song in the world,

and I can see why--

because it's full of strong female attitude,

which I dig.

Let me tell you, Julia,

guys are turned on by that.

Don't think they aren't.

They like girls with legs and brains,

like smart biker chicks, you know?

So keep on the path you're on,

keep up with school,

and, baby, you're going places.

I see the cake coming out of

the kitchen, everybody,

so we're gonna break for a couple

minutes to sugar up.

Back in a few.

Hey, guys.

I think you used too much whammy

bar during "my humps."

I was out of control.

So, you guys aren't gonna talk to me?

What's there to talk about?

Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag,

and it's ziplocked shut.

Well, you guys sounded great.

Yeah, I get what you're saying.

It's a west Hartford Bat Mitzvah,

not the Albert Hall.

Well, a gig's a gig.

Totally. A gig's a gig.

This crowd is lucky. I'm telling you,

it was tight.

You could've played that at the Albert Hall.

So, uh,

I reached a new level on Soulcalibur III.

Uh-huh.

Level 50 assassin.

Really?

Yeah, I just low-kicked through and

chalked up a mess of perfects.

You're gonna take the swordmaster

mantel soon.

But you're, like, the original swordmaster.

I beat the last boss.

Hit him middle, high, middle,

low, middle, high.

Took forever to figure out all his specials.

I know.

I was sitting next to you when you did it.

It was awesome.

Listen, this thing with

us-- I want to fix it.

It's too late.

It's not. Look, I know I was an idiot.

If I could turn back time, I would.

Oh, hey, "turn back time." We

should add that to the set.

Cher is always a slam dunk.

I want to get the band back together.

We were going somewhere, you know?

About to play for a label, and, well,

I miss you guys.

I don't mean to get all "Brokeback Mountain"

on you, but we're buds, you know,

and I miss you,

and you're not gonna believe it,

but that kid over there is about to down

a whole cup of maraschino cherries.

That's Aton, the feldmans' boy.

He's gonna do it, man.

He's gonna do it.

He did it!

I didn't think he had it in him.

He is gonna be puking.

So, what do you say, guys?

You want to re-form Hep Alien?

Maybe, if you can get Lane.

She'll never come back.

Leave Lane to me. I'm gonna reason with her.

Well, if Lane's in, I'm in.

Me, too.

Hep Alien has got to rock again.

Cool.

It's time for the big one.

- Let's do it.

- Kick ass, guys.

All right.

Let's bring this whole mishpachah

down to the dance floor,

'cause it's time to rock-a-dila!

# Hava nagila, hava nagila #

# Hava nagila, venis'mecha #

# Hava nagila, hava nagila #

# Hava nagila, venis'mecha #

This place is like a labyrinth.

Well, if you get lost,

keep your hand on the wall and keep walking.

Eventually, you'll find your way

out or get eaten by a minotaur.

Thanks, chum.

Josh, my man, what's going on?

My cuff links have been stolen.

Don't worry. I'm good at finding things.

At Easter-egg hunts, they used to make me

wear an eye patch to keep things fair.

Okay, but I suspect thievery.

You'll be okay hanging out

by yourself for a while?

For at least a fortnight. I'm good.

Now go, put on your eye patch,

and find some cuff links.

I'll see you later.

Come on, Josh. Dead man walking!

Excuse me. I'm trying to find the library.

- Oh, sure, it's in the east wing.

- Rory!

Oh, hey, bride. You look beautiful.

You like my wedding sweats?

I think Town & Country might not approve.

How are you doing?

Okay. You have to come back and hang

out with me and the bridesmaids.

Oh, that's sweet, but I can't.

I actually have all this work.

Ladies, come on. Makeup time.

And whoever took Josh's cuff links,

hand them over.

Look, the girls have cracked

open a case of champagne.

I need you to be my designated dresser.

I'm the bride. You can't say no to a bride.

It's bad luck.

I guess I can do my work tomorrow.

That's always been my motto. Come on.

All day, if anyone does something I don't

want them to, I'm saying it's bad luck.

I swear, getting married is so fabulous!

Everybody, so, this is my lovely friend Rory.

Rory is gonna hang out with

us while we get ready.

Some of you might have met at the shower,

but this is Alexandra, Walker, Megan,

and Claude.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Welcome to the final hours

of Honor's maidenhood.

Yeah right, Honor's maidenhood didn't

make it to upper school at Brearley.

Not true. Turks and Caicos-- 1996.

Anyway, we're here to celebrate

these last precious hours

before we lose Honor to the dark side.

And to celebrate, we drink booze.

Not me. I'm having one glass

right before the ceremony.

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

Ooh, I love that dress, Rory.

Oh, thanks.

Is that Carolina's?

Um, no, it's mine.

Oh, Rory, this is Italo.

Italo's a total genius.

If they gave MacArthur grants for hair,

he'd get one.

Okay, girls,

I need to get you in these chairs pronto.

Bridezilla?

Okay, but just one now and one

right before the ceremony.

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

I need it to make a toast.

To friends-- old and new, borrowed and blue.

You guys are awesome.

- Yay!

- Yay!

To Honor and to Honor's honor.

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