Revenge of the Bridesmaids Page #4

The missing maidenhood.

- Hi.

- Hey.

What's all this?

G.G.'s pillow.

Here's her blanket and duvet cover.

What-- no mattress and box spring?

She never goes anywhere without

her duvet cover.

She calls it her scrunchy-bunchy because

she likes to scrunch it...

And bunch it. I get it.

Did you forget the kid?

Oh, uh, G.G? Come on, honey.

What's she chasing?

Oh, that's a cat.

Just so you know, that cat bites, scratches,

and sprays,

and I'm pretty sure it's in heat.

G.G? Come on, sweetie. Right now.

Hey, kiddo.

I'm so excited to hang out with you today.

G.G., you want to give Lorelai a hug?

No!

G.G., please come back here

and pick up your jacket.

G.G?

Thanks again for doing this.

I really appreciate it.

Please. I'm looking forward to it.

I managed to find uno and checkers

and also parts of battleship and most

of the pieces of Candy Land,

which I figure we can mix together

to create a fabulous new game--

Candy Ship Battle Land.

War never tasted so good.

Okay, then. Well, I'm off.

Go. Get out of here.

You already figured how to turn on the TV on?

You smarty.

So, what are we watching?

Shh!

"Shhhhh-indler's list"?

Oh, "Full House."

You know, I think the Olsen twins weigh

less now than they did on that show.

Right. I get it.

I don't like it when people talk to

me when I'm watching TV, either.

Okay, so I don't look obese?

You look like a Skeleton.

A beautiful, blushing Skeleton.

Whoa.

What?

All of a sudden the idea of marriage

seems totally archaic and insane.

Legally binding one woman with one

man until they die? It's perverse.

Why on earth do people do this?!

Why am I doing this?!

Uh-oh. Freak-out.

You love Josh, remember?

Oh, yeah, Josh.

Okay.

Okay, freak-out over.

I wonder if Josh is freaking out.

We saw him before we took a smoke break.

He looked nervous.

Oh, adorable.

Hey, can someone check my sling-back?

It feels messed up,

and I can't reach my own feet.

Certainly.

Oh, yes,

the sling-back is not slung back properly.

I think I can remedy this if

I just sling this back.

Did that get on my dress?

Someone tell me if I need to freak out.

It's fine.

Get away from me, you lousy drunk.

Hey, that's offensive. I'm a terrific drunk.

I need my designated dresser.

At your service.

Make sure it's secure because

I plan on dancing tonight.

Speaking of dancing, has anyone warned Rory

about the quote-unquote "dignitaries"

coming to the shindig?

It's always the same cold brits.

I need warning?

The ambassador from Luxembourg

is very handsy.

No, you have to watch out for is that poet.

What's his name?

The dude with the red face?

He just did a translation

of the "Bhagavad Gita."

Anyway, he acts like he's gay,

but it's such a ruse. Total perv.

Poet, red face, not gay,

"Bhagavad Gita," perv. Got it.

I'm going to steal the bride to

take a couple quick pictures.

Honor, honey, grab your veil.

The rest of you-- 3-minute warning.

See you soon, everybody.

Head that way, toward the sitting room.

We don't want Josh to see you in your dress.

It's bad luck.

Please. Like I care about things like that.

I look like a drag queen.

My hair is insane.

I want your hair.

My hair looks like Lynda Carter's.

Italo was punishing me.

I'll tell you what I want-- I want

to hook up with someone tonight.

Just remember that pinning guys in the corner

and shoving your tongue down their throats

can sometimes come off as desperate.

But I am desperate, I swear.

I might go home with the ambassador

from Luxembourg.

Come on. There'll be plenty of

eligible bachelors tonight.

Like who?

The groomsmen, for starters.

Tripp Wallison is looking good.

You always think he's looking good.

'Cause he always is. Anyway, so do you.

Alexandra and Megan have

both slept with Tripp.

Small world.

I'm with Liam.

You can have Tripp.

Tripp's too short. I'm over the whole

Mia Farrow/Woody Allen thing.

How about Josh's brother?

Poor man's Josh? Really poor man's?

He's the Josh they give away

at the soup kitchens.

Oh, there's always Logan.

Been there, done that.

Shush!

What "shush"? You should talk.

Rory is Logan's girlfriend.

Oops.

Oh, my god, you're Rory-Rory.

I'm so retarded.

Don't worry.

This was way before you guys started dating.

This was back around Thanksgiving.

Last Thanksgiving?

It meant nothing. Believe me-- meaningless.

Walker will have sex with anyone.

I will.

And I'm sure you know Logan and I dated,

but that was ages ago,

eons, back when he drove a z3.

And then we had a stupid one-night

stand this December,

but there's nothing between us, I swear.

We're just friends who drank

too much spiked eggnog.

And now he's met you,

and you guys are so great together. Really.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know you slept with Logan.

I thought you two just messed around.

No, you said you just messed around with him.

I said that he and I hooked up.

I meant hooked up-hooked up.

I thought you just meant hooked

up like messed around.

How come you never told me you messed around

with Logan? Why am I not in the loop?

I'm with Liam.

Officially, nothing happened.

These shoes are killing my feet.

Just scrunch up your toes a little bit.

That's what I'm doing. It feels good.

Did you hook up with Logan

around Thanksgiving?

No way.

I was in Biarritz.

Okay, ladies, time to line up.

The processional is about to start.

Rory, you better go find your seat.

I look like Rupaul.

Where's my flowers?

Does Sofia have the flowers?

See you at the party, Rory.

Oh, just FYI-- before I

got together with Liam,

he slept with half the upper east side,

and now he's loyal as a dog.

I need my flowers.

Oh, I already have my flowers. Oops!

- Bye, Rory.

- Bye, Rory!

I don't know how you did it, kid,

but every single thing I own

is now broken or missing.

Oh, G.G., hon,

you're coloring on the floor there.

It's not enough the paper's near the marker.

It has to actually be under it.

G.G., give me-- oh,

that's a permanent marker, honey.

Give me that.

- No!

- Yes.

Permanent marker causes permanent damage,

which makes auntie Lorelai

permanently bitter.

No!

G.G.

Oh, my god! God, give me that.

Okay, if that's your Donald Sutherland

"Invasion of the body snatchers" impression,

it's a really good one.

"I'm sorry, ma'am,

those tonsils are gonna have to come out."

G.G., please, if you stop,

I'll give you one of those caramel

apples that I showed you, okay?

They're delicious,

but to get one you have to stop

making the world's most annoying

noise in 5, 4, 3, 2...

Thank you.

Nothing a little eardrum replacement

surgery won't fix.

Come on, let's go in the kitchen.

G.G? Hey, don't you go into Rory's room.

You know you're not allowed in there.

G.G? Hey, you.

I know this is a clich,

but just wait till your father gets home!

Here you are.

Here I am.

I was looking all over for you.

I didn't see you when I was

walking down the aisle.

Looked for you during the ceremony.

Where were you?

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