Revenge Of The Pink Panther Page #2

By any chance,

are you going to Fontainebleau?

Well--

Wonderful!

How lucky can a girl get?

You're an absolute darling.

It's green.

It is?

The traffic light.

Generally speaking, it's dangerous

for a beautiful girl like you...

to be hitchhiking at night.

I know. That's because,

generally speaking...

beautiful girls like me

don't carry guns.

Yes, yes.

Are you saying

that you carry a gun?

I've got it in here somewhere.

It's not very big.

Watch it.

It might go off.

Only if you don't do

exactly what I say.

Listen, Miss--

Russo.

But you can call me Claude.

Pull off the road.

Oh, the old "pull off the road" ploy!

Yes. Then we will see how you do with

the old "take off your clothes" ploy.

And if you don't want

to freeze to death, put on the dress.

Never!

Suit yourself.

But the dress is an original Dior...

and you've got sensational legs.

Yes?

Oh. Good. Thank you.

Why don't you just take that

off the hook?

Won't be necessary. The great lnspector

Clouseau won't be bothering us anymore.

Hello, boys!

Am I glad to see you!

And we are certainly glad

to see you.

Wait a moment!

You know me.

I'm Chief lnspector Clouseau

of the surete.

And I am Officer Bardot.

But you can call me Brigitte.

Listen, Brigitte. You are making

an understandable mistake.

Don't let my legs fool you.

I'm really a man. Listen!

The palace flag is lowered

to half-mast.

The president has declared a day

of national mourning.

Only a few hours ago...

the great detective stood

in this very courtyard...

and was decorated by the president...

for outstanding service

to his country.

According to the coroner's report...

Chief lnspector Clouseau

was probably dead...

before his car hit the telephone pole...

and burst into flames.

The president called me at 6:00

this morning.

A dozen countries have offered the

services of their finest detectives...

but the president

made it painfully clear...

that this must be solved by Frenchmen,

and quickly...

or we can all hand in

our resignations.

I spoke with Dr. Laprone

at the hospital...

and he assures me that Dreyfus

is completely cured.

It's amazing.

I've seen some lunatics

in my time.

They were all pikers compared

with Dreyfus. He was like a wild animal!

Didn't he actually bite you?

Oh, yes. On the leg.

I had to take rabies shots

just in case.

The doctor swears

that his recovery is complete.

He said that in the last 12 hours,

Dreyfus has literally become a new man.

Thank God for that because we need him.

If anyone knows about Clouseau

and who might have murdered him...

that man is former

Chief lnspector Charles Dreyfus.

Isn't it fantastic, Doctor?

Reinstated at my former rank

with no loss of pay or social benefits.

Yes. It could actually be called

a psychic rebirth.

I am in your debt.

I shall be eternally grateful.

I only helped.

I led the way.

But in the final analysis,

it was your victory, Charles.

Our victory, Paul.

But only at the expense of another.

Huh? Oh, Clouseau, you mean.

It could be said that he died

so that you might live.

I wish I could feel sorry.

You feel no guilt?

None.

To be honest,

when I first heard he was dead...

there were a few moments...

when I was actually convinced

I was in a state of grace.

Is that wrong?

It isn't a matter of right or wrong.

Look, I hated him.

He literally drove me out of my mind,

as you know.

Isn't it natural that

I should feel happiness, even joy...

at the thought of him being dead,

out of the way and gone forever?

Natural, yes.

But there is a danger

that such feelings might promote guilt.

Clouseau could come back

and haunt you.

- I have no guilt.

- Not now.

Not ever. Clouseau is gone,

and I am free forever.

Now, have a cigar.

Thank you, Charles.

I've made the necessary arrangements

for your release.

The surete is sending a car

for you to be picked up at 5:30.

Remember, you're on probation

for 12 months.

If you have any problems,

call on me immediately.

Thank you, Paul.

Listen to me, Officer.

You are making a serious mistake.

Unless you release me immediately,

I will personally see to it...

that you are transferred to Martinique

where you will spend your career...

writing traffic citations

and checking parking meters.

The man who was killed in that car,

my car, uh, Cato's car, was not me.

He was wearing my clothes, yes.

These are his clothes!

I am Chief lnspector Jacques Clouseau.

Miss or Missus?

You fool! The president himself

when he decorated me said...

"Clouseau, you are a man of courage."

And he called me the greatest detective

in all of France.

Charlatan! lmpostor!

All right, calm down, Mr. Poirot.

Poirot?

Yes. Yes.

But you can call me Hercule.

And I am the greatest detective

in all of France...

the greatest in all the world.

That man is obviously crazy.

We do not use that word around here.

- What do you normally use around here?

- Now, now!

He is very now-now,

I can tell you that.

Court order.

I shall need your signature

on the transfer document.

Ninety days comprehensive--

Thank you.

Psychiatric examination.

Peekaboo.

Your car's at the entrance, lnspector.

Good-bye, Chief lnspector Dreyfus.

Good evening, Chief lnspector Dreyfus.

Good evening, Francois.

It's good to have you back on the job,

Chief lnspector.

Is it true that you will personally take

charge of the Clouseau investigation?

Yes.

You must feel torn.

On the one hand, it is your duty...

to send the guilty parties

to the guillotine for killing Clouseau.

On the other hand...

I'm sure you'd rather

congratulate them, eh?

Can you imagine,

a state funeral for that idiot?

The president, dignitaries

from all over the world will be coming.

Why, there's a rumor

the pope might even show up.

Pope?

Pope?

What?

You said pope.

Do you have a cold?

Yes, yes. I have the cold

in the chest, you know.

You sound terrible.

Do you want me to send you a doctor?

No, no. It's much better

than it sounds.

Anyway, I want to go directly

to the Clouseau apartments...

to commence the search

for the clues.

Yes, sir.

This is the Clouseau residence?

Yes.

This is also the residence

of the Clouseau manservant Cato Fong?

Yes.

Then be so good as to tell him...

that I wish to have speaks with him.

Who shall I say wish to have speaks

with Mr. Fong?

Tell him it is an old friend.

Mr. Fong has many old friends.

Listen, you, tell him

it is Chief lnspector...

Clouseau.

Why didn't you say so

in the first place?

Please come in.

Good evening...

and congratulations!

You are our first Caucasian...

and that entitles you

to a 10% discount until midnight.

- Who are you?

- Mrs. Wu. But you can call me Madam.

- Yes?

- Inspector Clouseau.

Please come in.

- Welcome.

- Good evening.

Please, make yourself at home.

That man just called himself

lnspector Clouseau.

It was Mr. Fong's idea...

but personally I think

we should have a better password.

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