Richard Pryor ...Here and Now Page #2

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talk that funny kind of sh*t.

You know, you talk to 'em, say--

''What you want?

You come back-- You like me, yeah?''

And the girls say,

''You gonna f*** me for true?''

Sh*t like that. You know. Sh*t!

See, you go up north, white folks

don't know what to do,Jack.

''Why, this is

a different kind.

Sh*t, he must be from

Brazil or somewhere.''

You know what? Down here, motherfuckers

have the biggest fun of anybody.

Motherfuckers have a parade,

start dancin' at a drop of a hat.

Right? Just go outside

in the sunshine.

''Say, have you

a buzz on yet?

I like it, me.'' The motherfuckers

start dancin' and sh*t.

Be 400 people be

dancin' down the street...

talking about,

''The sun is shining, hey!''

And I understand like

you dance at funerals and sh*t.

Have a good time.

You don't be f***ing around.

''Motherf***er dead.

Let's dance his ass off.

It's a good day to die, motherf***er,

'cause we having big fun.''

That's the way to do it. It ain't

supposed to be around cryin' and sh*t.

Motherf***er's gone.

That's it.

You say, ''Sh*t, we had

big fun when he was here.

Ain't no need to start crying now

'cause he's gone.''

That's the way life is,

isn't it?

Brother over here look mad. What's

the matter, they stole your seat?

You had to whup somebody

to get it back?

You see, you come too late.

Tough sh*t. Act a fool.

You'll get your seat.

''Where's my

motherfuckin' seat?''

Yeah, you'll get a seat.

Motherf***er say...

''No, don't worry.

We have a seat right here.''

It's just so hot down here now.

You know, it get hot down here.

Hey! People be in the street

you don't wanna be f***ed with either.

They be just walking

just like--

Really. ''How you doin'?''

I don't know how they had no slavery

when it be hot down here...

'cause slaves would've quit,

say, ''Hey man, f*** you.

Sh*t.

Carry that sh*t yourself.''

I think all this sh*t, slaves built

all this sh*t down in here...

or carried the sh*t

that built it, right?

I looked at the Mississippi, I said,

''Motherf***er had to walk across that.''

''Get your black ass

on there and walk.

Carry that tree.

Don't start no sh*t.''

You all some cold

motherfuckers, boy.

Your ancestors.

You know, you guys

didn't do nothin' on no holidays...

or like weekends or somethin'.

You motherfuckers just

hanged black people, right?

Be bored and sh*t.

Motherfuckers would say--

Saturday night be hot.

Can't get no p*ssy.

''What you wanna do?

Shoot, ain't nothin' to do...

go down to jail

and string one up.''

And black people be

standing around, watching 'em.

The guy be saying,

''F*** that. Help me!''

See, you all, if--

Does it snow down here sometime?

No? You're all spoiled, see.

You all don't know about cold and sh*t

like up in Illinois, where I'm from.

You all should get some cold.

I guess it get cold here, it get 50?

You all get mad than a mother--

''You know it's 50 outside, man?

Sh*t! Done f***ed up

my day! Sh*t!''

Back there in Chicago,

in the Midwest, boy, it gets cold.

- I'm talking cold. Make you change--

- How cold?

What? This ain't

Johnny Carson, motherf***er.

I mean, it get cold

when you go outside.

The wind be waiting on your ass

around the corner like this...

waiting for you

to come outside.

''Here he come.''

And that sh*t, boy--

I came from California.

I hadn't been home about

five years, and I went back home.

And I had some summer sh*t like this,

and it was cold.

That wind waited for me

to get into the street.

It didn't even do nothin' while

I was walking through the airport.

And soon as I got outside, it was--

''Get your sh*t--

Put that sh*t up around your head.

Stop f***ing around.''

And you can't be prejudiced in the

winter 'cause it's too cold, right?

You'd be trying to find

a doorway and sh*t. You'd be-- ''Sh*t!

Hey, man, it cold.

Be prejudice this summer.

It's all right now.''

- Bullshit!

- Bullshit? My dick.

People in the audience get hostile.

You drunk, motherf***er?

''F*** it! Bullshit!''

I stopped drinking.

I used to drink a lot. Stopped.

It's been seven months.

That's a strange-- It was really--

it's really strange.

- I don't believe that sh*t.

- Oh, you don't have to.

I know you ain't gonna believe it

'cause you f***ed up.

''Listen, I don't-- Hey!

Sh*t!''

No, I just thought I'd try that

for a while after 20 years.

Motherf***er, give yourself a break.

I'll probably die tomorrow.

Trying to slow down,

you know.

- But it's different.

- Don't do that!

Don't do that. Well--

You f***ed up, Rich!

No, I just been through

like a life-- in your life.

I guess you go through

changes in your life, you know.

You get one moment,

and then you just f***ing change.

Something happened in my life f***ing

changed my mind about all the sh*t.

'Cause I used to think

I knew everything, man.

I'd be f***ed up. I just knew it.

I knew all the sh*t.

And all of a sudden,

I don't know sh*t.

I'm one of the dumbest

motherfuckers ever lived.

If you catch me on the wrong day and

ask me my name, you gonna get trouble.

''Hey, what's your name?''

''Uh, wait. Sh*t.

Motherf***er, don't rush me,

motherf***er.

Just take it easy.''

'Cause I feel a lot different. I feel

a lot of different sh*t, man, you know.

When I was drinking though,

it was fun.

I stopped drinking 'cause I got tired

of waking up in my car, driving 90.

You know, trying

to talk to the police...

when your mouth don't work.

I don't know what it is

that make drunk people want to talk.

But you can bet if somebody drunk,

he gonna talk. You know what I mean?

You ever be driving and

the police ease up behind your ass...

put them bright lights

on you?

And your brain start going,

''Don't worry about it.Just be cool.

Everything--

Don't worry.Just be cool.

Now straighten up.Just put your arm--

put your arm on the window.

That's right. Put your arm

on the window. Be cool.

Lay back. All right.Just get it

together. You're ready now.

When he come up, say

everything's fine, all right?

Just say everything's fine.

Everything's fine.''

Now, that's what you say in your brain,

but your mouth has made up its mind.

Your mouth be saying, ''I'm going to say

these words the way I f***in' want to.''

Policeman come up talkin' about,

''How you feeling?''

''Yeah, right. Wanna get out?''

''Sh*t, ain't I out?''

I had a partner they used

to make walk that white line.

Motherf***er mashed potatoes.

Mother--

''Just f*** it! Sh*t!''

Split and sh*t.

I don't know, man. I used

to get drunk and try to talk.

And you can never

understand a drunk...

and he'll explain

anything to you.

Right? Police come up--

''What happened here?''

Hey! I know!

I was in the--

Sh*t! I was--

Wait. Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Sh*t!

See him drunk outside.

Motherf***er get drunk,

start cryin' and sh*t.

You--

Sh*t.

The motherfuckers!

Motherf***er-- You go home,

be f***ed up. You ever--

- How's your mama?

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