Richard Pryor ...Here and Now Page #9

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What is it, Rich, we on fire again?

What? What? Hey.''

And I'd be kinda scared

about today, man...

'cause women, we're lucky they f*** us

'cause they got them machines.

You ever seen 'em? They got numbers

on 'em. Plug them boys in.

And you be standing there

with just a dick, right?

''Tell me when

it's my turn, will ya?''

''Uh, that's all right.

Thank you. Never mind.

I'll come back tomorrow.''

Women know they got the p*ssy, man.

They know we like it too.

They know it. I mean, they know.

The bottom line:
Women know.

I got the p*ssy

And it's good

'Cause there ain't no such thing

as bad p*ssy, right?

If there are ladies here tonight

think they got a bad p*ssy...

I'd like to see you

after the show.

I'd like to give

a second opinion.

I'd sure want some water, but I don't

wanna drink none of that sh*t now.

You got me scared.

Spring water? Rainwater?

What is this little bug in it?

- Thank you. What's your name?

- Luanne.

Luanne, take your ass

back to your seat.

Thank you. Thank you,

Luanne, very much.

You're just--

That's a very kind thing to do.

I can't get this little

motherfuckin' thing out.

See, I'm very crazy about sh*t.

When sh*t in somethin',

I like to go, ''Hey.''

Thank you, Luanne,

very much.

No! Don't!

Thank you, Luanne.

That's--

- Can I get a kiss?

- No, baby. You might have herpes.

I don't wanna be

f***ing around.

No, sirree, Bob.

Now they got that herpes

and sh*t going around.

That makes me

be very careful,Jack.

I wanna examine the p*ssy

real good now.

Don't women do that?

If you gonna have a one-night stand,

don't you be very cautious?

It's like, ''Put the dick

right here in my hand.''

Right? Get that jeweler's glass out

and, ''Just a minute.''

'Cause they got some sh*t out there,

make your dick look like a foot.

For a long time.

I'm not lyin'. You look down, look like

a little baby's foot hanging there...

walking up your leg

and sh*t.

No, you gotta be very careful.

That's why I--

I go to public toilets, man,

I'd be watching them motherfuckers...

because I know some sh*t

in there waiting on me.

I'd be real careful.

One thing about a public toilet

is if somebody recognize my ass.

You know, 'cause you could go

in the toilet all your life--

You go in the toilet

and take a sh*t and nobody say nothin'.

They may make a face

when you leave, right?

But they see me, they start talkin',

''Richard Pryor!

That was you in there shittin'?

Man, you don't never

need to sh*t in public.

Hey, everybody, come here.

Richard Pryor is in here shittin'!''

And they got them--

You ever go into them urinals?

Ladies probably never seen this.

It's got them big urinals and sh*t.

And the men go in there and

stand right up in the urinal...

like they hidin' their sh*t

or somethin'.

They'd be right up

in there like--

And look each other

in the eye.

That's the way men look each other

in the eye 'cause you don't look down.

You look down--

''What you looking at?''

Only trouble I have in there,

people wanna meet me.

Be pissing, talking about,

''Richard Pryor!

Oh, sh*t, I'm sorry, man.

Here, shake my hand.''

F*** you!

Everybody be standing up like this and

be cool,Jack,just lookin' in the eye.

Then some big dick motherf***er

come in, right? Stand way back here.

''What's happening, fellas?

You wanna stand to the left?

I'm gonna shake it to the left, pal.

You better move over.''

Good night. I love you.

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