Richard Pryor ...Here and Now Page #8

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I start naming off names

like a motherf***er,Jack.

Alphabetical order too.

Sh*t, yeah, they like

to be f***in' around.

Hey, Les, where you been,

motherf***er?

What took you so long?

We supposed to do business.

Yeah, but you be f***in' around.

Where you been, motherf***er?

What you been up to?

Where? You see Bobby?

Yeah, what the f***

is the deal, man?

No, 'cause the cops come over my house.

Where was you guys?

No, I didn't do sh*t.

Don't be putting me in that sh*t, man.

No, 'cause they gonna get Bobby

'cause that one honky is tough, man.

I saw that motherf***er, boy.

He jumped down in the pool hall.

He whupped three

or four motherfuckers.

So I know you ain't gonna be

f***ing with him.

You-- Take the baseball bat,Jack.

Bust his motherfuckin' head.

You ain't got to take that sh*t.

Let me tie this motherf***er off.

Tie it up there. Sh*t.

There it is.

Sh*t. I had it here yesterday.

Sh*t. Sh*t.

There it is, motherf***er.

Now, partner.

Oh, yeah.

In the vein, motherf***er.

What are you--

What, is you high?

Well, why you wait to get off and then

you gonna come in and jab it on me, man?

There you go. Yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah, let it ride. Sh*t.

Yeah, sh*t.

Man.

Baby.

This some sh*t there, man.

That's--

Sh*t.

That mother--

Hey, man, this sh*t was--

Sh*t.

D-Did you--

Motherf***er.

I got the crabs. Sh*t.

No, I ain't got no

motherfuckin'-- What?

The critter?

Look at-- Look at this

motherf***er, man.

Look. Listen. Look, look.

I can't get over there.

Listen.

Motherfuckin' thing.

Look at them

motherfuckers, man.

Now, that's-- that's--

that's life.

That's into the realm of life.

Dig? See how he was in life?

Then he f***ed around

and wasn't in it no more.

He fell off, man.

You-- You can do that.

You can--

You couldn't do that.

I couldn't do that,

but he could.

This is relating.

You got to relate to life...

to the-- to the utmost.

Sit down, my nig!

Hey, man!

Why don't you stop

jerking with me, motherf***er?

Man, I'm over here

doing my little business.

I'm cool, but I ain't

f***in' with you.

You-- You come--

You came by here yesterday

with that same old sh*t.

You be jaw-jackin'.

Yeah, I know. I know you cool.

I know about all

you got your sh*t...

but, man, I'm Superman.

Yeah, dude.

As long as you don't hit me in the vein,

motherf***er, I'm all right.

Yeah, you have to kill me

two or three weeks.

Sh*t. Wait a minute.

What the f*** you gonna do?

What you sayin'?

Ah, man, bullshittin'.

Junkie serenade

or somethin'?

That's right. I'm--

Dig this. Check the logic.

Check the logic.

I went downtown, right?

Now, this is me, right?

I'm gonna try

to get the job...

the motherf***er tell me

I can't have the job...

but I can take

a application.

Are you ready for that?

I say, ''Well, what's the logic?

What is the logical conclusion

of the logic of it?''

I just wanted to know. I figure it was

something wrong with the logic.

Yeah. Motherf***er tell me

I ain't dependable.

Sh*t.

Say, baby, I got

a $200-a-day habit.

I ain't missed a payment.

Sh*t.

Is that dependable?

Sh*t, what is?

I say, hey, you know

what I would like to have?

The job as the town junkie.

Right? 'Cause I could

stand around the corner...

I could get f***ed up

for the tourists.

They-- You know?

Sh*t, that's work.

'Cause I like to get f***ed up.

And we'd both be doing

each other a favor...

'cause the motherf***er

keep trying to rehabilitate me.

Methadone. Sh*t, I got

hooked on that in two weeks.

You ever f*** with

that methadone, man?

That sh*t--

Sh*t'll send you off.

You'll be talking about

you going to hell.

Sh*t, I've been there.

I had so much fun,

they kicked me out that motherf***er.

Sh*t. I know I ain't

going to heaven. Sh*t.

I'm just going.

That's right.

I'm gonna do it

in my own time.

Just go.

I don't have to do nothing.

Right?

Motherf***er change.

Feel sorry for me? Sh*t.

I did it to myself.

Yeah.

F*** it.

If I come back, I hope you

motherfuckers have this sh*t right...

'cause you done

f***ed it up this time.

That--

You just-- You weren't sensitive,

you motherfuckers.

You weren't sensitive.

You just--

Well, you just didn't like

a motherf***er sensitive, man.

You run over people.

You put 'em-- You put 'em in a position

that they can't do nothing in it...

then when they can't,

you all say, ''See?''

That-- That wasn't right.

That wasn't right.

That's the same.

That ain't right.

I know it ain't right,

and I tell the motherf***er about it...

and they tell me I'm crazy.

I know the sh*t is foul...

with a capital ''foul.''

I wish you the best.

I-- Thank you.

I-- Thank you.

- Means, uh--

- Tell 'em, Rich!

I just-- Thank you very much.

Thank you.

You know, I just was thinking

now that I've been off drugs...

I wanted to relate

something to you.

I can remember when I was

just off drugs for a little while.

Yeah, I am.

You don't believe it.

I know a lot of people don't,

and I don't give a f***...

but I remember when I was--

Yeah, 'cause I meet people

since I stopped doing drugs...

I found out there's more

motherfuckers doing drugs.

I mean, doctors and sh*t.

Old ladies.

''Give me that blue one.

And give me another

red one, please.''

Right? They call it

an epidemic now.

That means white folks

are doing it.

'Cause you all used to drive through

our neighborhoods and sh*t...

and go, ''Oh, look at that.

Isn't that terrible?''

And then you'd get home and your

You'd go, ''Oh, my God!

It's an epidemic!''

Maybe next time you see

black people in trouble, you'll help.

Maybe. Right?

But when I stopped, I noticed

something real strange, man.

I noticed

about the fourth month...

that my dick was

smaller than I thought.

No, I did, 'cause I knew

I had 1 4, 1 5 inches.

And I was in the bathroom

one day, taking a piss.

I said, ''Hey!

What happened to my dick?

Hey, I've been robbed!

Somebody stole my dick, left me

with this little child's pee-wee!''

And women go,

''Do men have dick hang-ups?''

Sh*t.

You don't think they do.

Like if you're with a guy

and you plan on--

First date, right?

You might give him a shot tonight.

You wait till you get home and he gets

undressed and then give him that look.

You know, that look you

women have when you go--

You talk about a motherf***er

getting dressed fast, right?

''Well, gee, it was all right

when I left home.''

I remember when I was 20,

my dick was hard all the time.

It'd wake up at attention.

I'd be--

''Rich, are we going out

on patrol today?''

I mean, some mornings,

it would wake me up.

You know, I'd be sleeping,

hit me on the chest-- ''Rich!

Rich, wake up.

I gotta go to the bathroom.''

You know?

And it would lead me

to the bathroom. I'd be--

Over there.

Right into the dock. Yeah!

And it'd piss hard.

You'd be going--

Half an hour.

Go back to bed,Jack.

Now some mornings I wake up,

I wonder whose dick it is,Jack.

Hey, speak to me!

''Huh? What?

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