Riding High Page #6

---

I thought you was hungry.

You should ought to have

some dessert or something.

Wait. Look these over.

We may be in for dinner tonight.

Spats. You should ought

to see me in spats.

I'd be a sight for sore eyes

in spats.

Wait till this peasant

finds out about shoes.

- Oh, I've got shoes.

- Congratulations.

I'll give you another hamburger

for the spats.

No, no, he's dedicating

a drive-in market this afternoon.

- Maybe tonight. We'll see.

- OK.

Dinner tonight for the hat,

spats and tie. Is that a deal?

Muff off.

We've got a little business to talk over.

Do you mind?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Say, if you've got anything

my wife can use...

Bring her in, and we'll cut her up.

Smart guy, huh?

Well, little man, what now? Raising

$500 may prove to be a slight hazard.

Professor, you've been

a disappointment.

Don't worry, my friend.

From now on,

my time and wisdom will be

devoted entirely to your welfare.

- I feel sorry for you.

- Oh, is that so?

Well, I have a brilliant idea already.

My ace in the hole.

- Edna.

- Edna?

A 50-to-1 shot.

You'd have to marry her first.

Who would Edna be?

That's the vinegar-puss landlady

at the boarding house.

Well, why would she expect him

to marry her?

Confidentially, Dan, I encouraged it.

An economic necessity, you know.

- I see.

- That'll give you an idea

- of what I've been driven to.

- "Driven to", my foot.

- Of what I've been driven to.

- "Driven to", my foot.

He'd rather make phony love

to that vinegar-puss than go to work.

Trouble is, he's got a vinegar-puss

in every race track town in the country.

It's kept me in food and lodging

for years. And you too.

Just... Now, wait a minute.

This vinegar-puss...

Whatever you call her.

Do you think she might fall

for a Ford truck?

That's what I would call

a perfect mating.

- What's the idea, Dan?

- Well, this Ford truck,

I don't think any used-car dealer

would have anything to do with it.

But maybe I could get 50 bucks

for it from her.

What's good 50 bucks

when you need 500?

There's a maiden race tomorrow

for $1,000.

We drop Broadway Bill in there.

We're home free.

But I need the 50 slugs

for the jockey and for expenses.

An inspiration, Dan. I'll make love

as I never made love before.

Vinegar-puss will own a Ford truck if

I have to make the supreme sacrifice.

Bravo. Let us pray such

a necessity never arises.

A 100-to-1 shot.

Hey, Happy.

Who do you like in the first race?

- Drop dead.

- Thanks.

- Is this it?

- Yes, my dear.

Sturdy and dependable.

- What's it supposed to be?

- Come, my beloved.

Broadway Bill is in the third race.

Allow me.

Oh, darling. I didn't sleep a wink

last night thinking about you.

- You make love so beautifully.

- Yes, I know.

But that's only the beginning, angel,

only the beginning.

What's the matter?

They've been there for ten minutes.

They're having trouble

with Broadway Bill.

Looks like we need some help

with that five horse.

Somebody get ahold of him.

But, sugar, we've still got time.

- Just 10 dollars.

- No.

- But 5 dollars.

- No.

- Well, 2 dollars.

- No.

But, sugar, I saw him

work out this morning.

I'm not going to bet.

I guess she's not going to bet,

professor.

I guess not, and I hope she gets

a worm in her Adam's apple.

Oh, sugar.

Where did that thing come from?

Get behind him and load him.

OK, Ray.

Get him up closer.

Now, sit still on him, rider.

Just sit still.

I don't think he's quite ready yet,

Mr. Brooks.

Oh, he's ready.

Sure, he's ready.

It's just that gate's new to him,

and all those horses.

Once they ring that bell, he'll be so far

out in front he'll feel at home again.

- You've got a bad horse here.

- Whoa.

Number five.

He's half-horse and half-nuts.

Put him on the school list

before he starts again.

Kind of homesick, huh, pal?

But you gotta take on

a little nourishment, you know.

Come on, Bill, here.

It's a carrot, Bill.

Come on, Bill.

Here. Go on.

When he turns down carrots,

he's lost interest in everything.

Yeah, I don't think he's going to perk

up either until that rooster comes.

Think she's gonna send him?

I don't know.

She hasn't even answered my letter.

- Skeeter.

- Skeeter.

- Skeeter.

- Skeeter.

- Oh, princess, am I glad to see you.

- Dan, you're smothering Skeeter.

- Oh, Skeeter, a thousand pardons.

- Hey, Bill. Look who's here.

It's your old buddy-buddy.

Here. Here, look here.

Look here.

Look here.

Ain't that beautiful?

Hello, Bill. Hello, Whitey.

- Good to see you.

- He's a new horse already.

Look at him.

I was gonna call a psychiatrist.

- Whitey, walk him a bit, will you?

- Why, sure. Come on, boy.

Go strut your stuff.

There he goes again.

He wants to go for a walk too.

Get out of here.

Princess, you're a lifesaver, really.

Isn't that a riot? Now, who'd think

those two would go for each other?

That's the way with a horse, though.

You get him a mascot.

He gets attached to him. You take

him away, boom, he falls apart.

But you didn't have to bring Skeeter.

Why didn't you ship him, honey?

I didn't know where

to paste the stamps.

Come on, sit down here.

Bring me up to date on everything.

- How's Margaret?

- Oh, she's all right. She's fine.

- How's she look? Beautiful as ever?

- Yeah, more so.

Well, come on, tell me.

When did you see her last?

How'd she look?

What was she wearing?

Did she have her hair

piled up in back the way I like it?

- Yes, it was up.

- Oh, I can just see her.

- You miss her, Dan?

- Oh, miss her and how.

Did she say anything

about coming down?

No, not to me, she didn't.

Well, how'd you know about

Skeeter, then?

Well, she let me read your letter.

She read it to me, that is.

And she said that I should

bring Skeeter down to you.

She did? You see. She's beginning

to weaken. I knew she would.

I'll have her out of Higginsville quicker

than you can say, "Never Late Early".

Give her a big kiss for me

when you get back.

I would, but I'm not going back.

- What? Come on, infant, you're...

- No. No, I'm not.

- What have we here?

- It could be my purse.

The finance company has arrived.

- Are you my pal? True or false?

- True.

Then you'll hold still

for a light touch, I'm sure.

- How light?

- Let's see what you're holding here.

Lipstick, eyebrow pencil, comb,

compact, things and...

Oh, pay dirt.

- I'll take this. You may have that.

- Well, that seems fair.

With this 50, I can enter Bill

in an overnight race tomorrow.

If he wins, I'll have 500

to put him in the big heat.

- Oh, he'll win.

- Oh, he'll walk his beat.

And after he wins the big one,

I'll pay you this back with interest.

Did I save you enough

for a train fare home?

It doesn't matter. I'm staying

at the hotel till after the race.

- No, no.

- Yes, I am.

- Oh, no, you're on your way.

- Don't be so patronizing.

- I'm staying.

- You can't stay.

You can't hang around

a race track town all alone.

Well, why not?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes