Riding in Cars with Boys Page #6

I still haven't accepted

that this is my life.

I wish I could be dumb

and then I wouldn't know better.

And I could be happy

and stop hoping.

And I'm telling you this like

you're interested in my boring life.

Come to California with me.

I've got room.

I could take all of you.

If you want to change your life,

you can.

If money's tight,

it doesn't matter.

You've always been smart.

It's easy.

- You want to go to college?

- Yes.

The state pays.

The state pays, Bev.

- Ray won't go for it.

- lf Ray loves you, he'll do it.

Right?

Just do whatever it takes to get

out of here. You don't belong here.

You don't.

Thank you for saying

the things you said tonight.

It's just good to see you smile.

- Mom!

- Yes!

I woke up and you were gone!

She's not supposed

to leave a kid alone!

It's dangerous!

I could have choked!

I'll talk to Ray.

Just let me know.

My classes start up.

Good night, Bev.

Good night, Jason.

What do you think

about California?

/ told you to stop it.

Well, I just...

Wanna go to California?

I wanna go if you wanna go.

- All right. Let's go to California.

- Yes, Ray!

- Thank you, Ray! Thank you!

- Yeah.

Don't forget to get

baby aspirin for Jason.

Baby aspirin, okay.

- I'll finish packing.

- Yeah, baby aspirin.

- You guys seen Lizzard?

- No, sorry.

- Hello?

- y ou better get over here. /t's Ray.

Okay, up the stairs. Up.

- Where's Ray?

- I'm sorry about California.

- What...?

- He's downstairs with your father.

- What's going on?

- Don't know.

Why don't you sit here?

Come on.

Get your jacket off.

- Say it.

- All right.

Okay.

- Jason, how's it going over there?

- Trouble.

Your husband has come to me

with a problem.

And he wants my help.

Raymond?

Hey, Bev, how's it going?

Okay.

I got a...

I can't do it without a...

'Dear Beverly.

Please don't go crazy

when you hear this.

But I regret to inform you

that I am...

...a junkie.

I spent all our money on heroin.

I spent everything.

I even spent the money...

...for Jason's aspirin on a fix.'

It was just a tiny fix.

- But I spent that too.

- Heroin?

I knew you drank a lot,

but heroin?

Jesus, Ray!

For how long?

- I don't know.

- No...

- How long?

- Two years, October 31.

Halloween night.

Remember when Jason

was a monkey?

- Stop listening!

- You've been sick.

- I'm clearing up.

- I feel so stupid for not knowing!

Bev, I'm really sorry.

Shut up. Don't say sorry.

Sorry doesn't mean anything.

- Stop.

- No! This is the last time.

You're not helping.

You don't pay attention!

Listen. Everything I'm doing

right now is for that boy.

He needs a father.

This is his father.

I didn't pick him.

He'll be sick for a while.

Your mother and I will take Jason

while you help him. Got it?

I don't want your help.

I can take care of my own kid.

Okay, Ray, I cleaned you a new one.

Okay?

You feel better?

You going to throw up again?

Here, Ray.

Here, Ray. Here.

Oh, no!

This is so gross.

Oh, my God!

Please kill me!

Fine! Stop screaming.

You're gonna scare Jason.

Oh, my God. Bev!

- I'll get more sheets.

- Bev, please! Help me!

Is Dad okay?

- What's your favorite song?

- 'Cincinnati Dancing Pig.'

Scoot over.

I need to rest between rounds.

Sorry you didn't get to

go to California.

Please turn off the pig song!

It's not helping much.

Turn off that song!

- What are you doing?

- Making you breakfast.

Thank you.

- Why are you whispering?

- I don't wanna wake your dad.

He's not here.

He left.

Ray?

Hey.

Bev? Let me just...

Jason's in his room.

He can hear us.

All right, Bev. Look...

Look at me.

What?

Don't say you're sorry.

- Just go.

- No!

I know what you're thinking.

I've got it figured out.

All right? Look.

I just can't quit, okay?

You can't hold it against me

if it's impossible.

It's just who I am.

All right?

All I need is a little, to keep me

straight. Not enough to get me high.

Just enough to keep me straight.

Just like this.

So, what if we keep it at that?

You want permission to use

a small amount of heroin forever?

Okay.

I am gonna get a good job.

- And, one, look...

- No.

What?

No.

Bev, come on.

This plan works!

Ray.

- You need to think like a grown-up now.

- All right.

Like a 40-year-old businessman

who takes a train to work every day...

...and makes responsible decisions.

- Can you do that?

- Yeah. I'll try.

You say it's impossible to quit.

I believe you.

I won't even hold it against you.

But if you stay

and you ruin our lives...

...and you know that you will...

...then it's my fault.

Do you want me to live with that?

No.

Hey, Dad.

- Guess what?

- What?

I lost my tooth.

See?

Well.

- I just came in to say good night.

- Good night, Dad.

- I love your guts, buddy.

- I love you.

Dad, are you going somewhere?

Can I come?

Why can't I come?

Because your mom...

...doesn't think it's a good idea

if we're around each other any more.

I'm not supposed to say that.

You're gonna hear

a lot of bad things about me.

Okay?

But only two out of the three things

are gonna be right.

So when you hear something

that's really, really bad...

...you try to think that's

the one time they're wrong, okay?

Okay.

All right?

- I love you, Dad.

- I love you too.

All right, buddy?

Okay, I gotta go.

I gotta go!

Dad! Wait!

Dad, wait!

Dad, wait!

Jason, what are you doing?

Jason, you cannot go with him!

Dad, wait!

Dad! I wanna go with you!

- Jason?!

- Wait! Dad!

- Jason.

- Take me with you!

You're mad, but we wouldn't

have had a chance unless I did this.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone!

If you get out of the street,

I'll leave you alone.

But remember,

I am your mother.

That means you're not allowed

to stay mad at me!

- Can I get two coffees, black?

- Sure.

- Where's the bathroom?

- Two coffees, to go.

- Hello?

- Amelia.

Jason. I'm so glad it's you.

Have you seen your father?

- No, we're not there yet. l...

- / got your message.

- You did?

- Yeah.

I love you too.

This is the greatest conversation

of my life!

This is the greatest conversation

of my life.

Okay.

So, I'm all packed.

I've almost got you all packed.

And we're leaving tonight.

- How did your mom take it?

- There was a discussion.

And she had some questions.

But / think...

...I figured a way for it

to be okay with everyone.

- You did?

- You transfer here.

- What are you talking about?

- I don't know. I'm just...

- Jase!

- I'm screwing us up.

No. No.

You are not allowed

to feel bad about us. Okay?

Listen to me. I am not

another woman you have to handle.

/f you don't go with me, we'll

see each other every chance we get.

- You are amazing.

- No, I'm not.

- y ou are.

- I'm not.

I'm f urious at her!

But...

...I can't give up on you.

Someday you'll stop raising her.

You've been doing it your whole life.

You're young. You deserve to be young.

We deserve to be young together.

Right now,

/ can't make you happy, so...

...I gotta go.

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