Risky Business Page #5

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She told me she'd be my girlfriend.

She told me a lot of things.

I believed them all.

So she introduced me to her friends.

[LAUGHS]

-Boss.

-Um...

...would you just have a seat in the...?

Hey, Barry.

JOEL:

I introduced her to my friends.

We made Barry our treasurer.

Stacey?

JOEL:

Lana did production.

I concentrated on sales.

JOEL:
All right.

So you took her to dinner twice.

What did that cost you?

-About 30.

JOEL:
With tip?

Okay, maybe 35.

Movies. Any movies?

STAN:

Three movies.

-Twenty dollars.

STAN:
Roughly.

-Parking?

-I park on the street.

JOEL:

Gas?

Maybe $6.

All right, Stan,

you're in for roughly 60-odd dollars.

And, uh...

...what happened?

She slept with Jacobsen.

[LAUGHS]

That's all I'm saying.

You know what he said afterwards?

No.

He said the lady had knowledge.

And he was glad

to get that knowledge.

You know why?

Why?

Because college girls

can smell ignorance...

...like dog sh*t.

I'll think about it.

-Where you going to school next year?

-Wisconsin.

Wisconsin.

Big school.

All I'm saying is...

...walk like a man.

[HORN HONKS]

[CAR HORN HONKS]

BO Y:

Hey. Whoo!

[TALKING HEADS' "SWAMP"

PLAYING ON STEREO]

Hey, Chuck. What's going on?

Joel.

-Hey, how are you guys doing?

-Good.

Have a good time.

Glenn, all right.

-Joel. Hell of a party.

-Hey.

-You having a good time?

-Yeah.

Excellent idea, Joel. Really excellent.

GIRL:

Hi there.

LANA:
Excuse me.

-Some of the girls are wearing...

-...my mother's clothing.

-What's wrong?

I don't want to spend

the rest of my life in analysis.

-Could you just talk to them, okay?

-All right.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

[BO YS CHATTERING]

[BO YS HOOTING, CHATTERING]

[HORNS HONKING]

Hi.

Is Howie Rifkin here?

-Here.

WOMAN:
You're on, honey.

[TALKING HEADS' "SWAMP"

PLAYING ON STEREO]

Joel. Joel.

Somebody at the front door for you.

-All right, thank you. I'll be right there.

-Okay.

The thing is...

...I don't have to pay for it.

I get it anyway.

I'm gonna get going, you know,

or I'll miss the party.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Miles, you know...

...whatever you wanna do, I mean...

-Good.

-Really.

[TALKING HEADS' "SWAMP"

PLAYING ON STEREO]

Excuse me. Uh, can I help you?

RUTHERFORD:

Are you Joel?

-Yes.

-Bill Rutherford, Princeton Admissions.

-I believe we had an interview scheduled.

-Yes, sir. Of course.

-If this is in any way inconvenient for...

JOEL:
No, sir. It's fine.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Barry, excuse me.

Is it okay if I have the room?

Okay.

JOEL:
Also, could you catch the phone

if anyone calls, please?

It's my understanding, Joel,

that you would like to attend Princeton.

Um, yes, sir, very much so.

Well, fine.

Let's take a look at what we have,

shall we?

Oop. I'm sorry.

LANA:

Does this couch open?

Lana, I'm in a meeting.

We need the room.

JOEL:

Yeah, I need a few minutes, okay?

All right.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Fine. Now, you've taken

your SATs already.

Math:
597, Verbal: 560.

Correct me if my information

is inaccurate.

Uh, well, yes, sir,

but I was planning on taking those again.

Fine. Now, your grade point average

is 3.14.

You class rank:
52.

Which places you in the 84th percentile.

Correct?

[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]

Joel. Joel, listen, this is my cousin,

Ruben. He's from Skokie.

-Can you get him in tonight?

-Not now, okay?

-He's gotta be back by 1 2:00.

-All right, later, guys.

JIMMY:

All right.

[LAUGHS]

Excuse me.

And you wish to major in?

[BOYS SHOUTING NEARBY]

Business.

Business. Yes.

-Please.

LANA:
I'll be out in a sec.

Fine, well,

let's see what else there is.

"Junior Varsity Tennis Team.

Recording Secretary, Spanish Club.

Varsity Track Team, one year.

Honorable Mention:

Cook County Science Fair.

Future Enterprisers. Yearbook staff.

Student Council:
two years."

Well, Joel...

...your stats are very respectable.

You've done some solid work here...

...but it's not quite Ivy League,

now, is it?

[SIGHS]

You know, Bill...

...there's one thing I've learned

in all my years.

Sometimes you gotta say,

"What the f***."

Make your move.

I beg your pardon?

So how we doing?

Looks like University of Illinois.

[PRINCE'S "D.M.S.R."

PLAYING ON STEREO]

[TOY TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTING]

Some of your friends

are looking for you.

What do you want me to tell them?

[SHUTS OFF TRAIN]

Has that guy from Princeton left yet?

No, he's still here.

He's talking to some of the girls.

Talking?

They're very good talkers.

You know, I don't think I'm going

to say, "What the f***" anymore.

I mean, this thing

has gotten way out of control.

I'm gonna kill Miles.

Oh, come on, Joel.

Look, look at it this way:

you're making some good money.

You're providing your friends

with an invaluable service.

I mean, God knows,

they needed the service.

And, right now,

you're one hot-sh*t Future Enterpriser.

Don't worry so much.

I'll be upstairs.

And you got a girlfriend to boot.

JOEL:

Do I?

Phone call for Joel.

LANA:

Here, I'll get it.

Well, do I?

What do you think?

I don't know. You tell me.

Yes? No? Maybe?

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

FATHER [ON PHONE]:

Joel?

-Dad?

-Who answered the phone?

-Just a friend, Dad.

-Do I know her?

[WHISPERING] Have you ever

made love on a real train?

I... I don't think so.

-He's got a girl there.

-So?

Let's go make love on a real train.

FATHER:

Joel, are you there?

Yeah, I'm still here, Dad. How is Mom?

Is everything going okay?

-Come on, let's go.

-Did I hear others there?

Uh, just a couple of friends, Dad.

I'll give the key to the girls to help.

Maybe they'll do you a favor.

Sounded like a party.

A party?

Come on, let's be alone together.

I don't remember giving permission

for a party, Joel.

All right, come on.

Honey, can you hear me?

There's nothing wrong

with having friends over.

Just use your best judgment.

We trust you.

Now, remember, we're coming in

on United, Flight 162 at 3:30.

JOEL:

''Trust.''

Seems to me if there were any logic

to our language...

-...''trust'' would be a four-letter word.

MOTHER:
I can't wait to see you.

JOEL:
The evening worked out well.

We had good cash flow.

Rutherford made a couple

of new friends.

Good night, everybody.

He said he'd do his best for me.

Finally, it was time to close shop.

The girls were exhausted.

Lana was hungry.

She wanted to go out for a bite.

She wanted to make love

on a real train.

Who was I to say no?

I thought you said

nobody was gonna be here.

Be patient.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[TRUCK HORN HONKS]

[WHISTLING]

[DIALING PHONE]

[LINE RINGS]

LANA:
Hi.

-They stole the goddamn house, Lana.

-They took...

-I'm not here right now.

[OVER MACHINE] Leave your name

and number, I'll get back to you.

[LANA SPEAKS ITALIAN,

MACHINE BEEPS]

They took everything.

This is unbelievable.

My parents will be back in two hours,

and they took f***ing everything.

JOEL [OVER MACHINE]:

I don't know if you know about this...

...but you gotta call me right away.

I'm at the house: KL5-2 1 2 1.

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