Road to Rio Page #3

"If you were mine

I'd never let you go"

"And that would be"

"But beautiful I know"

Ah, you happy little Grable bait.

Come on in. What happened?

Did you brush her off?

Or do I have to learn how to

say "not guilty" in Portuguese?

This girl's in trouble, boy.

Big trouble, big! She's in a worse

jam than that girl in Bridgeport.

Bridgeport? You mean the

wife of that sword-swallower?

Chased us six blocks,

burping daggers all the way?

Don't go again,

please, please.

Lucia?

Lucia?

Are you asleep?

Listen closely, child.

You love Sherman.

I love Sherman.

Those two men you met tonight,

they're stowaways.

They're stowaways.

They should be reported.

They should be reported.

You hate them.

You loathe them.

You despise them.

I hate them.

I loathe them.

I despise them.

Sleep, child.

Sleep.

Yes! How do you...?

You like sugar on your ketchup?

Nice grab, a bottle of blood.

No toothpicks, even.

I'm going to eat a shoe.

Hey, don't snap your cap. Come

on, we'll get something solid.

Wait. I can't go out there in

this costume, they'll pick me up.

Which is a switch.

That's right.

Let us be inventive, egghead.

We take your leotard...

Steady now.

Open your coat.

Will it fit this high?

You'll be a smash on the deck.

You'll look like Lord Puffing well

out for his bracer in the morning.

That's jolly, isn't it?

There you are.

Oh, that's grand.

Put a bottle of tiger sweat in my

hand and I'm a man of distinction.

Will you join me in a bloater?

Lead, old boy. Thank you.

There you are, Mr. Stanton.

Anything else, sir?

That's all.

How do you do?

How are you?

Starting to kick up a bit.

Keep a stiff upper. It always gets

choppy through the Gulf Stream.

I clearly remember

the last trip.

I understand at that time the

ship did a complete somersault.

Oh, yes.

Lost my wife, you know?

Oh, lucky fellow! Lucky fellow!

Will you join me in a spot

of breakfast, maybe a waffle?

Shall we, then? That

titillates my gastric juices.

My stomach is drooling

too, you know.

Maple syrup, honey?

Nice thick maple syrup.

Yes, and maybe a piece of ham.

Nice thick greasy ham.

With a little bit of fatback.

And some banana cream pie.

Yum-yum-yummy!

Absolutely wizard!

That sounds like a breakfast

fit for a fat old king.

Waffles, maple syrup

and ham!

Maybe some onion soup.

And whipped cream.

Excuse me!

Tilt, old boy.

Dig in, pal.

Come on, come on.

What's the matter?

You shouldn't have

mentioned that onion soup.

You weak-stomached people!

I come from a long

line of seafaring...

Okay, boys.

Let's find them.

Seems to have calmed

down a bit, huh?

Not for me, it hasn't.

There's Lucia.

Hello, honey.

I see she brought a friend for you.

How are you

feeling today?

I hate you.

I loathe you.

I despise you.

You made a lot

of progress last night.

This is your old buddy Scat. Don't

you remember at the rail and the song?

Officer, I want to report

these men. They're stowaways.

You should've

played a record.

Oh, so you're the two guys. Come with me!

Wait a minute! The lapels!

Drop the material here.

Fly, fly, fly!

What happened?

Nothing important, child.

Let's have breakfast.

Shh! He's asleep.

Sit down, gentlemen.

You're next.

Thank you.

Uh...?

See anything of them?

No, sir.

Check the linen lockers?

Yes, sir. No luck.

I'll find those patty-cakers

if it's the last thing I do.

Steady, Ingrid.

Ha-ha! So sorry.

Oops!

Just a small gash.

Shh! Shh!

Shh!

Shh!

Shh!

Shh!

Thank you.

Shh!

What's that noise?

My moustache!

It's shorter now.

Why, you...!

You look better.

You!

I'll do the cutting now!

Steady! Think it over!

I had a shave this morning!

Okay, wise guys!

Where have you been?

Well, how do you do?

Somebody need a shave?

We got to take care of the crew.

It baffles me. What kind of

a piece of business is this?

I save her life,

then she turns us in!

Can you figure out

why she hates me?

Why she hates you? No, that's

hard to figure why she hates you!

Oh!

The governor

get our note?

Come on, the captain

wants to see you.

If it isn't Captain Bligh.

Coming, Mr. Christian.

Do you think he'll go for it?

I'll tell him we're both nuts.

He'll only believe you.

The captain will do the talking!

Say, captain, our presence...

We demand better treatment...

Oh! Stay away from us,

will you, sister?

Please, I want to help you.

Oh, she wants to help us!

You mad because

we're still breathing?

I think these belong to you.

Come to Daddy!

My old heater!

My little brass gold mine!

Now I can smoke up

and learn the truth.

Did they hurt you?

Say, "Ah."

Gentlemen, how would you like

to work your passage to Rio

as members of

the ship's orchestra?

Do you mean it?

Both of us?

Yes, both of you. Just report to the

leader. I've already spoken to him.

Wonderful!

Thanks a lot!

Don't thank me. I leave you in

the custody of your benefactress.

Can't we be friends?

I'm really very grateful.

Grateful? What's the idea of turning us in?

I don't know

what came over me.

I found myself saying things and I

didn't know why I was saying them.

Why don't you just run for

Congress and let us alone, huh?

Now look! Lay off those

kisses. You know he's weak.

I just wanted

to show my gratitude.

Show me.

I can take it.

All right. This is for both of you.

Steady.

I'll get him in

the next round... Oh!

You should've been

with me in that refrigerator.

Look, sister, you might as well face

it. My buddy's turned over a new leaf.

Tell her.

In a lifetime of

tears and laughter,

it's been my discovery that friendship

between two men is more important

than friendship between

a man and a woman.

Duller but more important.

Tell her you're

through with women.

And as far as you and I are concerned,

we don't even know each other.

Ladies and gentlemen,

as you know, we arrive in Rio shortly,

and the purser's asked me to announce if

you have any questions about disembarkation

he'd be glad to answer them for you if you

come to his office in the morning. Thank you.

"Hey, Mr. Sweeney?"

Hello.

"We've a problem That is apt to spoil

the trip Because when we get off the ship"

"We know we'll never Understand

the language We won't be hip"

"Oh, now, Miss Andrews"

"After due deliberation Of your

problem All you do is move and wobble"

"Which in any language

Always means a miss"

"A kiss"

"And this?"

La Pontinia!

Hey, amigo? Now we know.

"Now they know"

"Yes, we know"

"Now they know"

"Yes, we know"

"Now they know"

"Supposing you need a vacation"

"Brazil is the place you should be"

"So you can't understand

What they're saying"

"Or you can't read

A sign that you see"

"But you don't have

To know the language"

"With the moon in the sky And a girl

in your arms And a look in her eye"

"You stop at the Copacabana"

"With Sugar Loaf Mountain in view"

"Though the words

On the menu mean nothing"

"You can't ask a soul

What to do"

"But you don't have

To know the language"

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