Robin Hood: Men In Tights

Help! Me house is on fire!

Me house is on fire!

Call the fire brigade!

Fill them up!

Pass the bucket!

There must be another way

of doing the credits!

That's right!

Every time they make a Robin Hood

movie, they burn our village down.

Leave us alone, Mel Brooks!

Yo! Check it out

Prince John and the Sheriff

They was running the show

Raising the taxes

'Cause they needed the dough

A reign of terror

Took over the land

They was shaking down the people

Just to beat the band

Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho

The people were unhappy

Morale was low

They had no place to turn to

There was nowhere to go

They needed a hero

But no one could be found

'Cause Robin Hood was out of town

I said Hey!

Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho

He was put into the slammer

By his Arab foe

And in a little while

He would be no more

- I said Hey!

- Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey!

- I said Hey!

- Hey nonny nonny, hey nonny nonny

Hey nonny nonny and a ho ho ho

Check it out!

Hello! Hello!

Welcome! Welcome...

...to your dungeon!

Hello! I am Falafel...

...maitre d' dungeon.

Please allow me to show you

to your cell. Come.

Duck!

I always forget about that.

I'm so sorry, but we cannot seat you

without the proper attire. See?

Irving.

That's much better. Now, I leave you

in the capable hands of Muktar.

He's our head guard.

Please, it's better you cooperate

with him. He's a tough guy.

And if there's anything you require,

please don't hesitate to scream.

Coming!

We're so busy!

Follow me.

Please sit.

Robin of Loxley...

...where is your king?

King?

King?

And which king might that be?

King Richard? King Louis?

King Kong?

Larry King?

lmpertinent English dog.

You shall talk.

I don't think so.

Churchim...

...please, the tongue looseners.

Speak, you dog.

Speak!

What did he say?

You don't wanna know.

You very brave for not a homeboy.

Thank you.

I've been in this place for a while.

Perhaps I can be of service.

Do you have any questions?

What are you in for?

Jaywalking.

I see.

It won't be easy getting out of here.

What we need is a great

feat of strength.

Feat of strength?

Au contraire!

Now that you're here with me, what we

have is great strength of feet!

Don't follow.

Do as I do.

Put your feet on the bar.

Both feet.

Now, on the count of kick.

Kick!

What was that noise?

Noise? Noise?

The noise you heard was the breaking

of this poor man's heart.

Yes, that's it!

What?

He's decided to save his own life

by betraying his king.

Oh, yes. That's it.

Oh, damn my eyes!

Go tell your superiors

before he changes his mind.

By the love of Allah!

This is a wonderful thing!

Go!

It will mean a big promotion for me!

Go!

Good news is always rewarded!

Please go.

On the other hand...

...bad news is severely punished.

Now is our chance.

Quick, follow me!

You get that chain, I'll get this one.

- I'm free!

- You're free!

I'm going home!

Come on, take my hand!

On the count of three!

One! Two! Three!

I just told them the good news,

and...

...and...

And I'm in deep sh*t.

It is a very long journey

from Africa to England, my friend.

Well...

...I owe you a debt of gratitude.

I am called Robin of Loxley.

My name is Asneeze, father of Ahchoo.

Bless you.

Ahchoo is my son.

He's in England, your country.

He's an exchange student.

I'd like you to look after him.

He is in need of guidance.

He is headstrong and cocksure.

Or is it the other way around?

Say no more.

I vow on the sacred word of Loxley.

I give you my undying pledge...

...my solemn oath on my father's honour,

on the blood of my heart...

...on the word of my soul...

- Good, good, good!

You must go now,

or you will miss the tide.

Well, farewell, my friend,

and not to worry.

I'll find Ahchoo.

Goodbye, my friend.

Farewell!

Safe journey!

Home!

Home!

England!

A horse!

A horse! My kingdom for a horse!

Ahchoo?

Bless you!

I hope someone's getting

the video of this.

That must be him.

Watch my back!

Your back just got punched twice.

Thank you.

Hey, thanks, man.

You're welcome.

Who are you anyway?

I think now is not the time

for introductions.

Time-out!

Excuse me, bad guys.

I am running out of air.

Gotta get pumped.

Okay, honkies. Time in!

By the bye...

...do you know praying mantis?

You're looking at him.

Let's get out of here!

Yeah, boy!

Right, go ahead! Punk!

They're witches!

- They're possessed!

- They're crazy!

- Good work.

- Thanks, man.

You haven't seen the last of us!

You've seen the last of us.

There she is, Loxley Hall.

Home of my family

for seven generations.

Let's go!

Move it!

Come on, let's go!

That's a boy! Let's go! Move it!

That's it.

Keep it going!

Keep it going!

Come on, come on!

Move it, move it!

- Here we go.

- Stop the castle!

You, there! I demand to know

what is going on here!

Read it and weep.

What up with that?

"Hear ye, hear ye.

For failure to pay taxes,

all the lands and properties...

...of the Loxley family

shall be taken.

Signed, Prince John's Royal

Accountant, H.M.R. Blockhead."

This is a sham! I vow I will restore

my castle to its rightful place.

You vow, we move!

Let's go, boys! Take it out!

Come on!

Move it!

Keep it going!

Come on!

That's a boy!

Blinkin?

Who's that?

It's Blinkin,

our family's loyal blind servant.

- I gotta get the horse, man.

- Good.

Be right out!

Blinkin!

Master Robin, is that you?

Back from the Crusades?

And alive?

Happy day!

I'm quite sure there was a door there.

Master Robin!

You lost your arms in battle!

Oh, how terrible!

But you grew some nice b*obs!

Blinkin, I'm over here.

Later.

Listen to me.

They've taken the castle!

I thought it felt a bit drafty.

This never would've happened

if your father was alive.

He's dead?

Yes!

And my mother?

She died of pneumonia whilst...

Oh, you were away.

My brothers?

They were all killed by the plague.

My dog, Pongo?

Run over by a carriage.

My goldfish, Goldie?

Eaten by the cat.

My cat?

Choked on the goldfish.

It's good to be home,

ain't it, Master Robin?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What is that?

Your father wanted me

to give you this.

He said that inside is the key...

...to the greatest treasure

in all the land.

May I keep it?

No, I think I ought

to honour my father's wishes.

Of course.

Come, Blinkin.

Let us leave this

depressing foundation.

We have much to do,

and less time to do it in.

Hey, Robin, wait up.

Oh. Well done.

He's fast, but I caught his ass.

- Who's that?

- Blinkin, I'd like you to meet Ahchoo.

A Jew? Here?

No, no. Not a Jew. Ahchoo.

Hey, put it there.

How do you do?

I've been better.

What's that?

Help me! Help me!

Save me!

Save me!

Looks like a runaway white boy.

All right, steady on.

What's the matter?

They're after me.

Who is?

Over that boy hand!

Hand over that boy.

Who demands it?

The Sheriff of Rottingham.

What has the boy done?

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