Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind Page #9

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that divine thing,

that thing that is soul.

And that's what's exciting,

the idea you could explore

creativity at any price

is like-- this is

what we're kind

of dealing with

as artists, comedians,

writers, actors.

You're going

to come to the edge,

you're going to look over,

and sometimes

you're going to step

over the edge,

and then you're going

to come back, hopefully.

(shouting)

Parry!

What are

you looking at?

(Parry whimpers)

Parry.

Help! (shouts)

McLaurin:

Robin could never

let go of a role.

He would become

the role he was playing,

and then it'd become

another part

of his-- his

personality.

Come along!

-(car honks)

-(tires screech)

Driver:

Holy sh*t!

Jack:

Parry!

Robin:

Now when I see

someone on the street

ranting at the world,

it isn't just lumped

into "There's

a generalized

crazy person."

You know that

they're suffering

from something specific...

and that they have

a life, a past...

and-- you know,

and a present,

and it gives you

a different point of view.

Won't you join us

for a once-in-a-lifetime

comedy event?

-As some of today's...

-And yesterday's...

-And tomorrow's...

-Funniest stars

come together

for an unforgettable

night of laughter.

-Comic Relief.

-Live!

Crystal:

It was our Farm Aid.

The three of us hosted

these comedy telethons

to raise money

for medical aid

for the homeless

on the streets

of America.

-(applause)

-I'll take these.

You take those.

-(speaks gibberish)

-(laughter)

We would like

to say how happy

we are to be here.

-(man shouts)

-Oh, sorry.

-All right.

-(laughter)

It was a great way

for all the funny people

to join in to...

not only be funny

but be compassionate.

The only reason that I am

not running for president

is-- I swear to God--

I have this fear

no woman

would come forward

-to say she had

sex with me.

-(laughter)

I would be

doing one of those

interviews on CNN,

looking into a camera, going,

"Come on, Susan!

You know you f***ed me."

(laughter)

Robin:

We had just amazing

people come on

and raised

that much money

and used comedy

as this vehicle

to change a world.

Yes, God made babies cute,

so you don't eat them.

(laughter)

How many people do you

know that you would

let sh*t on you,

piss on you,

keep you up

all f***ing night?

-(laughter)

-Woman:

Whoo!

They wake up

at five o'clock the morning,

and I don't know

what drug they are--

is there some sort

of Fisher Price cocaine

that they're

in there going...

(snorts) "Ah!"

Goldberg:

Great people

make you better.

You got over the

fact that it was

Robin, and then

you went to work,

you did what you

needed to do,

because you wanted

to be up to speed.

It's just like, "Oh

no, you're not leaving

me in the dust.

I'm going to be right here,

right next to you, running."

You wanted to be able

to play and keep up.

-But seriously,

there'll be more.

-Okay, so taking care

of Bill and the big chubby

jokes have begun.

This is a penis thing.

-I didn't--

-It's all a-- Did you

never notice that?

Wait a minute!

Let him talk

for a moment!

-Oh!

-(laughter)

-Put that thing away!

-Ow! Ow!

-Put it away!

-No, no, no.

-You know, Whoopi.

-Yes?

-I...

-Robin:

Nice to see you, Whoopi.

You didn't see my lips

move once, did you?

-No, but I never do.

-Whoopi, I have

a confession to make.

-Yes?

-Robin:

Me too.

(chuckles)

I am not what

I appear to be.

I am a Jew.

And I'll tell you

something else.

Is it me or is it

cold in here?

Yeah, it's-- it's

very convenient,

you know?

This is--

It's already--

you know, it's not like

I could come out and I do,

"So, guys, what's up?"

-It doesn't--

-Hey. What the hell?

(laughter)

-Robin:

So, guys, what's up?

-Are you kidding me?

What's happening?

Priest:

We commend

into your hands

the spirit

of your servant,

Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Crystal:

I'm watching

Ronald Reagan's funeral

and the phone rings.

And I go, "Hello?"

(mimics Reagan)

"Bill? Hi, its Ron Reagan."

(normal voice)

"So... what a coincidence.

I'm watching your funeral."

(mimics Reagan)

"Well, I just want to tell you

that I'm in heaven now

and I'm at a party.

I'm having a wonderful time."

(normal voice)

I said "Oh Really?

What's heaven like?"

(mimics Reagan)

"Well, it's a lot hotter than

I thought it was gonna be."

(normal voice)

"Oh, really? You know,

"you may not be

in heaven, sir.

You may be

in the other place."

(mimics Reagan)

"Oh! That would explain

why I'm in a hot tub with Nixon

and his balls are resting

on the bridge of my nose."

Wherever I was,

when the phone would ring,

I'd look at it,

and I'd see the

415 area code,

I knew it was him.

I knew it was gonna be

something really good.

(answering machine beeps)

Answering machine:

Sunday, 1:
21 p.m.

(beeps)

(Robin speaks

in British accent)

(answering machine beeps)

(Robin speaking with lisp)

Crystal:

As the friendship

really grew and grew,

we kind of needed

each other more.

(answering machine beeps)

(Robin mimics computer)

Should be very simple.

I think I shouldn't

expand too much

with that one,

should just, "Hell!"

Do you want

to talk about when

she goes off, and she's--

We did that one

where we thought,

"Oh, I'm not doing this.

"I can't do this.

How can you do this?

You fickle creature."

Man:
And then you

catch onto the fact

that she's performing.

"She's acting!"

I have decided

to make my final wish.

I wish

for Princess Jasmine

to fall desperately

in love with me.

(mimics buzzer, chuckles)

Uh, Master,

uh, there are

a few addendas,

some quid pro quos.

Don't talk back to me,

you big blue lout!

You will do

what I order you to do!

(choking)

I am unable to do what

you ordered me to do

at this present point,

because that is not part

of my programming.

Warning, warning!

-

-(hissing)

(mimics Robinson)

Come on kid, see?

Gotta get the snake, see?

(mimics King) I promoted

the fight. I'm hoping it's

gonna be as best it can.

(mimics Brando)

The horror.

The young boy

up against a giant snake.

Idle:
He would

just take a thought

and improvise on it.

It might just dinner

or it might be 2,000 people,

it's the same

improvisational

thing that goes on.

(clacks)

-Man:
Set.

-Man 2:
Action.

Miranda:

When did he pass on?

Eight years ago, dear...

this November.

Miranda:

What happened?

Oh, he was quite fond

of the drink really.

'Twas the drink

that killed him.

Miranda:

How awful.

He was an alcoholic.

Oh no, dear.

He was on his way

to the pub

to have a drink,

walked in the door,

and someone

had spilled a beer

and he slipped

and broke his neck.

He was on his way

to the pub,

and a Guinness truck

was passing by

hit a bump,

and six kegs fell off.

He finished

the first three,

but the last three got him.

He was hit

by a Budweiser truck.

First time in America too.

(crying)

"This Bud's for you."

Oh God,

so it was quite literally

the drink that killed him.

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