Robot and Frank Page #2

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I would rather die eating cheeseburgers

than live off of steamed cauliflower.

What about me, Frank?

What do you mean,

what about you?

If you die

eating cheeseburgers,

what do you think

happens to me?

I'll have failed.

They'll send me back to the

warehouse and wipe my memory.

If we're going to walk, we might

as well make it worthwhile.

Come on, keep up.

Stop.

If you come in there with me, I'm

going to have a heart attack and die.

But, Frank...

Just stay.

Can I help you

find anything, sir?

Where is the librarian?

I'm not familiar

with that title.

You're worse

than the other one. No.

Where is the librarian?

Jennifer.

She's in her office.

Sir, you are not permitted

in the offices.

Maybe we could create a little something

in honor of Dewey Decimal System.

Frank, you're not

allowed back here.

Hey, there, old-timer.

How are you doing?

How am I doing? I'm Frank.

This is Jake Finn.

He's been filling me in on the plans

for the new library. It's his project.

You must remember the days

when this library

was the only way

to learn about the world.

New library?

We talked about it the other day.

Remember?

I gotta slide. The movers are probably

taking a two-hour lunch break.

Jennifer, I'll be by Thursday to see

how it's coming along. Frank. Frank?

I'd love to talk to you some more about

your history with printed information.

You're our connection

to the past, buddy.

Who is that little sh*t?

My grandma has one of these.

Yeah, but this one's sweet.

I heard of these ones.

It's got advanced legs.

Warning. Do not molest me.

What are these a**holes doing?

It's okay. The books are going,

but they're going to scan

whatever they don't already have

and then they'll recycle them.

It's like goddamn

Nazi Germany in here.

I know it's upsetting,

but it's okay.

Come on. Let me

show you something.

These will not be recycled.

These are the real deal.

Now, this is our

most valuable book.

Look at that.

Do you get to

keep these, at least?

I Wish.

No. They have to be

very carefully preserved.

And they're just too old to be handled anymore.

It's really a shame.

It sounds like the same people

who stopped coming here

want to take away what's yours.

No, they're not

the ones that left.

They're just kids that think

books are cool again.

Mmm. That's a beautiful one.

Hey! Beat it,

you little bastards!

What's the matter, you can harass

old men, but you can't handle kids?

I told them to stop,

but they wouldn't listen.

The next time that happens,

just say,

"Self-destruct sequence

initialized."

And then start

counting down from 10.

Why would I do that, Frank?

Let's go to Harry's.

Have you smelled

our lavender heart soaps?

We should be going, Frank.

What a cute little

helper you have.

What is in your pocket?

I'm sorry, young lady.

I couldn't quite hear you.

What is in your pocket? I'm going

to make a citizen's arrest.

Nothing. Nothing's

in my pockets. Look.

Frank.

It's time we head home.

Yeah.

If you'll excuse us, ladies.

Nice to see you.

Have a good one.

Listen, you don't have

to argue with me.

I'm stuck with the damn thing.

Did you talk to your brother?

She doesn't like you.

I don't like you, either.

Yeah, yeah.

It is creepy.

He's cramping my style.

No. By all means, go ahead.

You let him have it.

Yeah. Bye.

Well, looks like maybe you're

going to be out of my hair soon.

Is your daughter politically

aligned against robot labor?

Hey, where did this come from?

From the store.

Remember?

Yeah, of course I remember, but

what did you do? Did you...

You put this in here?

You took this?

I saw you had it,

but the shopkeeper distracted

you and you forgot it.

I took it for you.

Did I do something

wrong, Frank?

Come on.

You know what stealing is?

The act of a person who steals.

Taking property without

permission or right.

Yeah, I guess.

You stole this.

How do you feel about that?

I don't have any

thoughts on that.

They didn't program you

about stealing,

shoplifting, robbery?

I have working definitions for those terms.

I don't understand.

Do you want something

for dessert?

Do you have any programming

that makes you obey the law?

Do you want me to incorporate state and

federal law directly into my programming?

No, you leave it as it is.

You're starting to grow on me.

Thank you, Frank.

It's time for your enema.

Okay. Let's see

what you can do.

Any lock in the world

is just a little puzzle.

And the only key is the key.

No lock is perfect and

any lock can be picked.

All you need is...

...time.

Okay, your turn.

I think this hobby would be more

beneficial for you than me, Frank.

Teaching you is the hobby.

Okay, go.

You know, I did six years for one

stretch and then I did 10 for another.

I did know that, but Hunter

told me not to mention it.

According to your file, you were first

arrested for possessing stolen goods,

and then tax evasion.

That tax evasion rap was garbage.

I was a second-story man.

What's that?

Finding a way in

where no way in exists.

Like climbing up

to the second story.

I specialized in jewelry.

Diamonds.

You want the most

value by the ounce

when you're rappelling down a 50-story

casino in the middle of a hurricane.

And the women back then.

The most value by the ounce?

I always went high-end.

That way, nobody gets hurt.

Except for the insurance

company crooks.

That was your best time yet.

I'm getting the hang of it.

We're going to clean up.

I thought you said

the library was closed, Frank.

This is what

they call "casing."

To your right.

Oh, Frank, the library's

closed for renovations.

Oh. Well, we were

just taking a walk

and I thought we'd

stop by and say hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Is this your new robot?

Yes, it is.

Hey, there. I'm Jennifer.

What's your name?

I don't have a name.

Oh, Frank, you have to name it.

This is Mr. Darcy.

He's my helper.

A very reliable model.

Thank you.

I'm glad you're here,

Frank. All this change.

It doesn't feel like

home here anymore.

What's the point of a library if

you can't check out the books?

It's all about

augmented reality stuff now.

Jake says it's about

the library experience.

When people can get any book,

any time, any place, instantly,

this building

is about community now.

Community. Yeah, right.

Jake?

They're going to have this big

fundraiser party-thing on Friday

and all the young, hoity-toity

couples are going to come.

It sounds awful.

Yeah. Do you want

to come with me?

Yes.

Cool.

See that? A magnetic alarm that

trips when the door opens.

And there, a night-vision

security camera.

It's simple,

but it's effective.

Frank, you don't have any free

activity time scheduled after sunset.

What?

It's just one night.

And what's the point

of an arbitrary schedule?

The schedule is the most important part.

It helps you remain oriented.

Can we do it during the day?

No. The whole point is

not to be seen.

We have to be quiet.

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