Rock of Ages

Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Ladies and gentlemen,

are you ready to rock?

Welcome to the famous Bourbon Room

on the Sunset Strip

Stacee Jaxx and Arsenal!

Hey, Los Angeles!

This is a little song called

"Paradise City."

Oh!

Just an urchin livin' under the street

I'm a hard case that's tough to beat

I'm your charity case

So buy me something to eat

I'll pay you at another time

Take it to the end of the line

Take me down to the paradise city

Where the grass is green

And the girls are pretty

Take me home

Yeah, yeah

Take me down to the paradise city

Where the grass is green

Sister Christian

Oh, the time has come

And you know that you're the only one

To say

Okay

Where you going?

What you looking for?

You know those boys

Don't want to play no more

With you

It's true

Yeah

You're motoring

What's your price for flight?

In finding Mr. Right

You'll be all right tonight

This must be just like livin' in paradise

And l don't wanna go home

This must be just like livin' in paradise

And l don't wanna go home

Hey, hey!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Girl, you've been meant for this

Since you were born

Since she was born

No problem now

The coast is clear

It's just the calm before the storm

This must be just like livin' in paradise

Paradise

And l don't wanna go home

Whoa

Not a dime, l can't pay my rent

I can barely make it through the week

Saturday night I'd like to meet my girl

But right now l can't make ends meet

I'm always workin'

Slavin' every day

Gotta get a break

From the same old same old

I need a chance just to get away

If you could hear me think

This is what I'd say

Don't need nothin' but a good time

How can l resist?

Ain't lookin' for nothin'

But a good time

And it don't get better than this

Come on, son. Up you get!

Whoa!

Go to rehab!

Yo, Lonny,

how come you never take out the trash?

I leave that to you. You're a musician,

so it's important that you suffer.

I'm talentless,

so suffering's wasted on me.

-When was the last time you suffered?

-Six o'clock this evening...

...when l got up for work.

Say I spend my money

On women and wine

But I couldn't tell you where

I spent last night

I'm really sorry about the shape I'm in

I just-a like my fun every now and then

I'm always workin'

Slavin' every day

Gotta get a break

From the same old same old

I need a chance just to get away

If you could hear me think

This is what I'd say

Don't need nothin' but a good time

How can l resist?

Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time

And it don't get better than this

Dennis! Dennis!

You see, I raise a toast to all of us

Who are breakin' our backs every day

If wantin' the good life is such a crime

A-Lord, then put me away

Here's to ya

Ow!

-Don't need nothin' but a good time

-Oh, yeah, yeah

Hey, baby, come on, give me a kiss.

-Drew!

-Come on, give me a kiss! Hey!

-Come on!

-Drew!

-Get him out!

-Come on.

-I've had enough of this! Tell Dennis l quit!

-Beth! Come on!

Livin' in paradise

And l don't wanna go home

I love her, man! Come on!

You're all gonna go to hell!

Hey.

-Where you from?

-Oklahoma.

Well, Welcome to Hollywood.

-Thanks.

-Give me that!

-Let go! Come on! Let me have it!

-No! No!

-Hey!

-Give me it!

Stop it!

Leave her alone!

Wait! Oh, stop! Please! Somebody!

Ugh....

No. No. No.

Are you okay?

Sh*t.

-Did he take your money?

-He took my records.

Oh, my God.

Look, I'm sorry this happened. It sucks.

I'm Drew.

Sherrie.

"The Bourbon Room"?

-You work at The Bourbon Room?

-Yeah. I'm a barback.

One of these days,

my name's gonna be up there.

-You're in a band?

-I'm a singer.

Get out! Me too.

Oh, my God. The Bourbon Room. I have,

like, 10 albums that were recorded there.

More like "had"?

Had.

Yep.

Well, thank you.

Thanks.

Again.

Don't go in there, it's filth!

-Hey.

-Don't join them!

Do you need a job?

I could talk to Dennis Dupree, my boss.

Pray you'll be saved!

Are you serious?

Just whatever you do,

don't tell him you're a singer.

Jimmy!

I told you 10,000 times.

Girls drink free, dudes pay full freight.

They are dudes.

Look, l haven't charged a girl since '73.

For a minute, I thought that

Kate Jackson from Charlie's Angels...

-...had walked into my club.

-More like Michael Jackson.

-Doesn't he look pale to you?

-He does a bit.

Dennis! Meet Sherrie.

She needs a job, man.

No, I don't think so. She's a singer.

No, she just came in

from out of town.

Oh, okay, now, if I may.

-You sang in the church choir every Sunday.

-Lutheran.

Senior year, you had the third lead

in your high school musical.

-Sound of Music.

-And then somebody...

...your adorable Aunt Betty,

told you you had real talent.

-It was actually my Aunt Doris.

-Uh-huh.

And like a flaming dipshit you believed her,

dumped your jock boyfriend...

...ditched town and moved to Hollywood

to have a crack at fame and fortune.

Am l missing anything?

I....

Yeah, okay.

Actually, my boyfriend

wasn't really athletic.

And look. I'm a waitress.

Come on. She's practically

got mike burns on her lips.

I'm not interested, sweetheart.

I need you two to get back to work.

-Please, Mr. Dupree. I'm a hard worker.

-You seem like a really nice kid.

I just got mugged.

I have $17 to my name and I'm probably

gonna be starving in the next 48 hours.

-And Beth just quit.

-Beth just quit?

Okay, fine. You're hired.

Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

What are you thanking me for? l ruined

your life. You start training tomorrow.

This place is turning into a war zone.

It's Arsenal's last show.

Arsenal? Oh, my God, l love Stacee Jaxx.

It's your lucky day. He's going solo.

Hey, want to go celebrate?

I'm coming up on my break.

Yeah. Sure.

A year ago....

A year ago,

people asked whose campaign...

...I would throw

my financial support behind...

...and I knew there was only one man

on the ticket...

...that could restore the city

to its original glory.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mayor Mike Whitmore.

Thank you. Couldn't have done it

without you, Doug.

Ahh.

Thank you, Los Angeles.

You know, Doug Flintlock here...

...well, he just leaned into my ear

and he said

"Mike, l have kids. Teenagers.

And these days, I'm scared for them.

We need to clean up this city."

Well, I can tell you that...

...I, for one, am not scared

for our city's children.

And that's because

I have a secret weapon.

My rock.

My soul mate.

And the best darn wife

any man could hope to have.

Please welcome my wife

The beautiful Patricia Whitmore!

Oh.

Come on up here, Patty-cake!

We did it!

Oh. Thank you.

Today, the city of Los Angeles

gets a twofer!

Not only the best mayor this city

has ever had...

...but also me.

A mother.

So tomorrow, as part of my

"Clean Up The Strip" initiative...

...we start to make this city safe

again for our young people.

She looks familiar to me, this woman.

She looks eerily familiar.

You've probably popped something on

your ass that resembles her.

I shouldn't have thought so. That's all

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