Rock of Ages Page #2

cleared up nicely, thank you very much.

Rock 'n' roll is a disease.

But it is a disease with a cure.

You don't know her.

Man, back then, her husband,

Mayor Whitmore...

...used to be one of my best customers.

Wow. Now look at him.

Married to a woman

who looks like she's been hibernating...

...in Margaret Thatcher's bumhole.

--off our streets

and knock the sucker back....

What happens to people?

Don't know, Den.

Suppose they get corrupted

and seduced by the Man...

...get old and bitter and run for mayor.

Or they run a club,

live the rock 'n' roll dream...

...and get old and bitter that way.

Here's to rock 'n' roll.

To rock 'n' roll.

And let's reclaim the Strip for the

God-fearing citizens of Los Angeles!

I cannot believe

that I'm working at The Bourbon.

Thank you so much.

Don't even mention it.

Oh, my God.

Arsenal Live at The Bourbon.

-Hands down, favorite record ever.

-Me too.

I would've killed to be at that concert.

That record really changed my life.

I decided if I couldn't see Stacee Jaxx...

...I was gonna be Stacee Jaxx.

Bought a beat-up six string

In a secondhand store

Didn't know how to play it

But I knew for sure

That one guitar

Felt good in my hands

Didn't take long

To understand

Just one guitar

Slung way down low

Was a one-way ticket

Only one way to go

-So l started rockin'

-Rockin'

Ain't never gonna stop

No

-Gotta keep on rockin'

-Rockin'

Someday I'm gonna make it to the top

And sing

I love rock 'n' roll

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I love rock 'n' roll

So come and take your time

And dance with me

In a town with no name

In a heavy downpour

Thought l passed my own shadow

By the backstage door

Like a trip through the past

To that day in the rain

And that one guitar

Made my whole life change

And we'll be movin' on and singin'

That same old song

Yeah, with me

Singin'

And be a jukebox hero

So put another dime in the jukebox, baby

I'm a jukebox hero

So come and take your time

And dance with me

-Just-a one guitar

-Jukebox hero

Got stars in my eyes

-I'm just a jukebox hero

-Ah, ah, ah

-Jukebox hero

-Stars, stars

I love rock 'n' roll

-Jukebox hero

-Stars, stars

So come and take your time

And dance with me

Stars in our eyes

I love rock 'n' roll

Whoa.

Whew.

The problem is, I think I'll only ever

be good on a jukebox.

What do you mean?

I get stage fright.

You've gotta be kidding me.

No.

You've gotta breathe.

I think I got that part down.

No, I'm serious, you've gotta breathe.

Like, takes away the nerves.

Breathe in through your nose

and out through your mouth.

Do it a couple times. You'll be fine.

Maybe you should help me practice.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Yeah.

Then yes.

Cool.

Okay, well, l should probably check

into my motel and grab my stuff, so....

Gotta get back to work.

-Okay, well, bye. Oh.

-Bye.

Bye. Oh. Ha-ha.

Sorry.

Well, good night.

See you tomorrow, Mrs. Whitmore.

Mr. Whitmore. Call me.

Mm.

-Mike?

-Mm.

-Why so jumpy?

-Oh.

Well, it's just that Doug Flintlock.

He wants the Strip, Patty-cake,

and we have to deliver.

Of course we will, sweetheart.

How?

-We'll go after the head of the snake.

-Ooh.

-The Bourbon.

-Oh, right.

If we cut off the head, the Strip will die.

The Bourbon could be a Benetton

by the end of the month.

Now listen Me and the ladies

are going after all the church groups...

...to make this happen.

We're even talking

to the Health Department.

We should review all their paperwork

for violations.

Oh, trust me...

...if we find so much as a hair

in a cocktail olive...

...we're shutting them down.

Hey, boss, we found some hairs

in the cocktail olives again.

Then rinse them off.

Okay.

No!

Nobody puts Donkey in the corner!

-That game's too bloody surreal anyway.

-Ugh!

Dennis, did you just sigh audibly? Why?

Taxes. They're so un-rock 'n' roll.

Cheer up, mate. You still got

the twisted sisters of piety outside...

...all flustered and worked up,

so we must be doing something right, eh?

Well, at least we have

the Arsenal show coming up.

But that means our whole existence

is riding on Stacee Jaxx.

Stacee Jaxx, the most unreliable man

in the music industry?

A man who blew off the halftime show

at the Super Bowl...

...to attend a satanic ritual

to sew up Debbie Harry's vagina?

Please stop.

-The Satanists wouldn't even do that.

-You're not helping.

Why would the devil close vaginas?

No one's qualified to do that.

Hand me the phone.

Let's do a telethon, because this might

work better than your Stacee Jaxx idea.

Shut it!

I'm calling Stacee's manager, Paul Gill.

-Ahem. Speak.

-Hello, Paul? It's Dennis Dupree.

Dennis. What's up, brother man?

Oh, I was just calling to check in

and see if we're still on for Friday.

Of course we are. Arsenal's last show.

We're kicking off Stacee's

solo press tour there.

Rolling Stone just confirmed.

They would like to interview him

on the premises, okay?

-What did he say?

-He told me to turn off the radio.

-So turn it off.

-The radio in his head!

-Calm down!

-Oh, God.

Paul?

-Paul?

-Oh, crap. Yeah, sorry, man.

Yeah. Is Stacee okay?

Stacee?

He's fantastic. I'm looking at him

right now. He's waving hello.

Yes, I'm talking to Dennis.

Oh-ho. He just flipped me off.

Same old Stacee. Right?

Okay, l gotta dash.

I'll talk to you Friday, babe, okay?

Stacee! Stacee! Stacee!

Put something on, man.

Banzai.

Jesus.

Stacee?

I didn't know you had a twin.

I don't.

Stacee.

You need to go on stage, man.

I am on stage, Paul.

Sh*t.

Take a good look, ladies.

Take a hard...

...good, long...

...hard...

...look.

This man, this man is responsible

for so much filth.

He's Satan.

She is an extraordinary woman.

Such a beacon of courage.

He's like a machine

that spews out three things:

-Sex...

-Oh!

-...hateful music...

-Yes.

...and...

...sex!

Can you come take some dictation

for me in the parish office, Ms. Hoyt?

Of course, sir.

My son ate the head of my neighbor's

horse because of Stacee Jaxx.

Ugh. Well, his filthy little hateful music...

...sex ride is over.

-Gotta stop!

-Yes.

And we're the ones who are gonna do it.

Well, you're a real tough cookie

With a long history

Of breaking little hearts

Like the one in me

That's okay

Let's see how you do it

Put up your dukes

Let's get down to it

Hit me with your best shot

Why don't you hit me

With your best shot?

Hit me with your best shot

Fire away

You come on with a come-on

You don't fight fair

That's okay

See if l care

Knock me down

It's all in vain

I'll get right back on my feet again

Hit me with your best shot

Why don't you hit me

With your best shot?

Hit me with your best shot

Fire away

Pow! Pow!

Pow!

Well, you're a real tough cookie

With a long history

Of breaking little hearts

Like the one in me

Before I put another notch

In my lipstick case

You better make sure

You put me in my place

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