Rocket Science

Testing, testing.

Significance, harms,

inherency, topicality, solvency.

Quiet, please.

Cell phones off, please.

Judges ready?

Timer ready?

The Affirmative

will please begin.

It will come as no

surprise to the judges,

our esteemed opponents from

Townsend Prep,

nor really to anyone at all

in the audience that we,

the Affirmative from Plainsboro High,

do hereby support this year's

National Policy Debate Resolution,

which I am supposed to recite now,

as if after an entire school year

it could still somehow

be unknown to any of us.

That is ridiculous. Therefore,

instead of senselessly repeating it,

I will offer up a moment of silence

during which I'd like every one of you

to say the resolution aloud. It will be

a final communal act for all of us,

the High School Policy Debaters

of New Jersey. Ready, set, go.

Resolved...

For those of you who aren't

done, I apologize,

but there's a reason why

I'm up here and you're down there,

and if you please, right now,

we're going to go at my pace.

Hang on if you can.

Our plan today is succinct.

Only by becoming a

fully socialist regime,

will the United States government

ever emerge as the true moral leader

of the free world, and thus

create a lasting peace.

Therefore we support an amendment

to the Constitution of the United States

to outlaw all political parties

that do not embrace socialism

as their core philosophy.

On the stage of

the New Jersey State

High School Policy

Debate Championships

that spring night

stood Ben Wekselbaum

of Plainsboro High.

To anyone

who ever heard Ben debate

there was one thing

that was undeniable:

He had a voice.

Even then,

on that May night,

a real voice.

You're all wondering,

"When on earth

is he going to get to

farming subsidies?"

At long last the link to farming,

which is no doubt obvious by now,

agricultural societies collapse under

capitalism and thrive under socialism.

And agriculture has always

been a necessary industry.

- Without agriculture...

- As Ben Wekselbaum

set out the complexities

of their plan,

his partner

was biding her time,

picturing how

it would look up there...

the only trophy missing from her

crowded, gleaming shelf.

One team on the Affirmative,

arguing for the resolution.

The other on the Negative,

tearing it down.

This year's national resolution

is specifically about farming

subsidies, not socialism.

By overstepping the resolution,

they haven't met their

prima fascie burden

to defend said resolution and

should be considered untopical.

Subsidies are at their heart an

extension of socialism...

that's from Gutierrez, '03.

That the negative team

has no legitimate arguments

against socialism isn't our fault.

They didn't penetrate the subject

as deeply as they should have.

To suggest that we haven't

refuted the very basis of socialism

is fallacious and specious.

I refer you again to the quotes

my partner read regarding...

And so it goes.

The high school debate,

like the war that rips

through your city

and ravages everything in its path;

Kids wielding words like weapons

and brandishing ideas like axes.

Nothing else mattered

in that final round.

There was no world

beyond it.

Except that 46 miles away

Hal Hefner was at home...

just sitting at home

like nothing

or none of New Jersey

was burning around him.

We're gonna have to

break up the set.

What am I gonna do?

Put it all in a garbage bag?

My stuff's not gonna

fit in a garbage bag.

- Yeah, put it in a garbage bag!

- Here, keep the deodorant.

Why don't you go down to the basement?

There's another set down there.

Quit slamming the drawers.

- Oh, come on!

- You're gonna break the drawers.

Give me a break. I'm taking this.

I hope you don't mind,

because you took

everything else of mine.

On that May night Hal Hefner

had hardly a voice at all.

Charlotte.

...could you not do that?

Because I may have to come

back and get some stuff.

- See ya.

- No, no.

Don't take that bag.

Hey, Hal.

Earl, I'm...

I'm taking these. I'm not

going to be living here anymore

and that's why I'm

taking the suitcases.

Just leave the big

bag with the rest of the set.

Lord, this is so you!

Here's your suitcase.

You guys are going

to be all right.

And I'll...

I'll see you

sometime soon.

I don't know

what else to say.

I can't put it into words.

Back on the stage of

the State Championships

the night at last

revealed itself

as not just any night,

but as the night,

the night when it all began.

Ben Wekselbaum, the best

voice to ever debate for PHS,

Plainsboro High,

according to anyone

who ever heard him...

that Ben Wekselbaum,

he just went quiet.

Our next advantage basically says

that human relations can only thrive

in an atmosphere

of total equality.

That human relations

can only exist...

Sorry, I just said that.

Wait, wait, wait.

Ben?

at the very same moment,

all the arguments

stopped.

So there was this bridge

of silence spanning New Jersey.

No shouting

from Hal's parents,

no debating, no voice.

No one's voice at all.

That year's National Debate

topic was farming subsidies.

And if you don't know

how farming subsidies

could inspire all this commotion,

then you don't know life

and there's nothing

that can be said about it.

Suitcases end marriages and

farming subsidies launch cataclysms.

Can a voice travel

from one person to another,

like yawning or mono?

Sure it can.

That's our position:

That the will to speak

traveled that night

across the dark

New Jersey highways

until it arrived

on this very block,

where it would

take up residence,

or try to,

in someone new.

Gladys, let's go!

Timeliness is

an important part of it.

- Heston.

- Earl.

I'll just have the...

just the...

just the...

just the...

just the pizza,

thanks.

Thank you.

What kind of a name

is O. Henry?

Not a pseudonym,

that we all know;

but...?

How about

nom de plume?

Does nom de plume

sound right?

It sounds right to me.

It was toward the end of the reading

that no one seems

to have completed.

Open your books

to page 248.

Let's do the reading that should

have been done last night.

Fish or pizza?

Yeah, I'll have the pizza.

Fish or pizza?

I'll have the...

The pizza's plain or pep.

Fish is... not sure.

Like general fish.

Yeah, I'll have the...

the... the...

the, uh...

the... not...

not the...

I'll just... just...

- just...

- The fish?

The general fish...

please.

Come back for seconds.

Plenty left.

Thank you, ma'am.

- Fish or pizza?

- Pizza.

Do you want to keep on

trying the breathing exercises,

or something new?

Is it all right

if I... if I

don't have an opinion?

Let's try this.

I read in this journal,

"Clinical Pathways

to Speech Pathology,"

that it's hard

to be anything but fluent

when you whisper

or sing.

I sent away for a videotape

of some people trying that out.

Not a solution,

obviously,

but wanna give it

a shot?

I can't... I can't...

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