Rocket Science Page #2

I can't...

I can't do this.

Isn't this

too stupid, Honoria?

Even for Honoria.

This is too stupid.

I can just feel it.

I explained this, Hal,

that this is not my specialty.

I'm sorry, I'm trying.

It's really a shame

that you're not hyperactive,

because that I know well.

And that I can

work miracles with...

hyperactivity.

But...

back to breathing.

Yeah?

Breathe.

Good, come on.

It was 1858,

and while Senator Stephen Douglas

set out his case

that states ought to choose

whether to allow slavery,

Abraham Lincoln consulted

with the smart

citizens of Illinois

to plot his answer.

Lincoln's a chick.

Let me find now a citizen

to assist me in coming up

with arguments

against Senator Douglas.

Where can I find

such a citizen helper?

The commoner in the

striped plum-colored shirt...

we need you, sir.

Rise to your duty.

- Come on!

- Get up there.

My assistant has come

to offer me arguments

in my debate

against the Senator.

Ha!

Now I'm quaking.

What cannot a house

divided against itself do?

It is this argument

that will lead me to victory.

What cannot it do?

Uh...

it... it...

Hold it further away

from your mouth.

What cannot

a house divided do?

It can't...

can't st...

can't... can't...

Mr. President...

a house divided can't...

Some help

from the citizenry.

It can't stand.

I thought it would

sh*t itself.

Thank you.

How about a round of applause

for the good commoner?

Ladies and gentlemen,

the silence

with which you have listened to

Mr. Lincoln during his hour...

You look taller onstage.

Agnes.

Agnes. Agnes.

Agnes.

I'm trying

not to listen, okay?

Distinctly not to... you're like

one foot away, so just...

Do you wanna

hear your problem?

You've no agenda.

Strictly head-in-

the-ground material.

Look at me.

Look at me.

I wake up every morning

and what do I do?

I create an agenda

for the day,

which is a sub-agenda

for the month,

which is in itself

a pie sl...

which is in itself

a pie slice

of my agenda

for life.

Do you want to hear

my purpose for today?

L... uh, I...

no.

L... I...

I can assure you

that I absolutely

do not.

Probably call the cops

on me anyway.

Hey, Adolf,

switch with me.

Upsy-daisy.

This is my seat.

Like all seats

on this vehicle,

yours has been paid

for with taxpayer money.

Which means that I

or anyone else

has just as much right

to it as you do.

In fact, given

the distinction

between what your family

surely pays in taxes and mine,

I think it's safe to say the seat

is substantially more mine than yours.

Do you see now?

I'll be taking just a minute to talk

to the little man,

and then you can go on borrowing

my seat for as long as you like

until I want it again,

right?

Coach Lumbly,

with the pilgrim hat,

she teaches patterns

of adult living.

She's on her third husband,

name of Wallace Lumbly. Wallace III.

It's a particular pattern she

doesn't lecture us on in class.

Anyway, she came up to me after

a presentation on egalitarianism

and said that although my argumentative

skills were at the fetal stage,

she sensed, somehow she

intuited my potential

and she invited me

on the team.

So now here I am two years later

doing the same thing with you...

recruiting,

ferreting out the debating

talent from the masses.

That's you.

I've ferreted you.

You mean...

you mean

public speaking?

Like, speaking...

in public?

No, I don't think that's...

that's not... that's not very...

Resolved that

the federal government

should support the

teaching of abstinence

in public schools...

from sex.

It's a big step up

from farming.

That was last year's

resolution.

Yeah, I know.

Suit yourself.

But deformed people

are the best.

Maybe it's because they

have a deep resource of anger.

It serves them well.

Were you trying

to say thank you?

I thought you might be

stuck trying to say thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm sure this is

awkward for the boys.

Not one bit.

Not one single bit.

I swear I'm more nervous

than anyone.

Honestly, Jules,

I'm a small-claims judge.

It's lucky I'm not dating

someone from Trenton.

Is this a traditional

Korean dish?

Because it has an

exotic odor.

Uh, that's

tuna casserole.

Use your finger!

Shut up!

My dad hasn't dated anyone

before your mom for six years.

Can, uh...

can we just

not talk about that?

I got this by

a tree stump in the park.

Look at this one.

Fire!

Then on Thursday...

it could have been

any day but it wasn't;

it was Thursday...

for no good reason,

something happened.

And it was like a little wave

breaking over him.

Take aim...

And it said the name

G- I-N-N-Y.

Ginny.

The wave said

the name Ginny.

Over and over.

- Ginny, Ginny, Ginny...

- Fire!

Zero points, Hal Hefner.

Ginny.

The etymology of the word

spreading is unclear

but we believe it to be

a blending together

of speed and reading,

spreading.

All it is is jamming as many arguments

into your time as you humanly can.

Here we go... the effects

of early sexual relations

include transition of diseases,

out-of-wedlock pregnancies

and a host of potential

illnesses...

a host of potential illnesses

including depression

and low self-esteem.

Consider contention one earlier.

Participation in the program is 53%

more likely to yield positive results.

You know, the other thing

that I wanted to tell you

is that you even look

like this guy I used to debate with...

in a shorter,

goofier kind of way.

And what would you be doing

here looking enough like this guy

if it wasn't for me to discover you

and what talents are hidden within?

Hi.

Resolved that Hal Hefner should

really stop letting the world

tell him what's possible and try

and figure it out for himself.

Maybe that's a

life's philosophy

suited just to some of

us who cherish winning.

So maybe it's not for you,

but I think that it is.

The quality of life among

teens who refrain...

Before this,

there was the nothingness

of Plainsboro, New Jersey.

But now Hal Hefner suddenly

had only one thought.

And it felt like all his life his brain

had been waiting for this thought,

so comfortably now

did it fit in

and take up

all the room there was.

You're on

my street.

You're still on

my street.

Do you... do you have

any idea what public property is?

We'll see.

My mom, Fern, says

it's public property,

and if it's okay with your mom

you can come have 7-Up with me,

but the icemaker's

busted, so...

Hi.

You want to sit down

and listen to an old couple

work on their marriage

through some music therapy?

I'm upstairs!

Uh, uh...

uh, no thanks.

Not... not... not today.

I have a request in for binoculars

for my 12th birthday, so...

we'll see about that.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Who, uh...

who is that?

Beats me. Hey, do you know

if she wears a bra?

Wanna see a bra?

Yeah, uh... I should...

I should really...

I should... should...

I should really probably

go home now, Lewis.

Okay.

Uh, Judge Pete?

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