Roger Dodger Page #2

First you took pride in being alone.

Wanna make a name foryourself|in the big city.

After a while, you started thinking|how it might be nice to meet somebody.

Winter's not far off,|and it gets lonely sometimes.

Okay. And?.

And so you develop a crush|on your supervisor...

even though the other women|in the office tell you...

" Keep clear. He's bad news."

- Why is he bad news?.|- Because he's a player.

He's a guy who collects trophies.

Every woman who takes a job there|ends up in bed with him.

And ifyou give in to temptation...

you'll end up the punch line|to a sordid joke by the water cooler.

Am I hot or cold?.

- It's a good story.|- It's a cliche.

So what do you do|when you're not reducing the world?.

What's wrong with reduction,|boiling things down to their essence?.

What's wrong with...|seeing what's really going on?.

And what's really going on?.|What's the big revelation?.

Why should I tell you?.

Telling you|isn't going to change anything.

For instance, I could tell you that|what you think of as your personality...

is nothing but a collection|of Van aarticles.

I could tell you your choice|of sexual partners this evening...

was decided months ago by some|account executive at Young Rubicam.

I could tell you that|given a week to study your father...

and the ways|in which he ignores you...

I could come up with a schtick|you'd be helpless to resist. Helpless.

I could tell you all that, but what|would you do with the information?.

Are there women|who fall for this stuff?.

I'm telling the truth as I see it.

You wanna go fuckyour boss?.|What business is it of mine.

He's not Daddy.|He's just a guy in a suit.

You feel compelled to contribute|to the pathetic...

heartbreaking predictability of it all,|by all means--

- Hi.|- Hi.

- You waiting for someone?.|- Yeah, my fiance.

- Hey, congratulations.|- Thanks.

All right. Congratulations.

Is he a kind man,|your fiance?.

Does he treat you with respect?.

Not that it's any ofyour business,|but, yes, he does.

- That must make you nervous.|- Why would that make me nervous?.

Oh, come on.

Look at the time.|Let's do the math together.

What are you talking about?.

Let me guess, low self-esteem...

and premenopausal... concern|led you to pursue a series of--

semiabusive relationships?.

But a recent dose of therapy|has convinced you...

that inner-beauty|is what really matters, and...

you really deserve that perfect partner|who treats you with such respect.

Do you want me to call|the bartender?.

Unless you're an idiot--|which I don't thinkyou are--

unless you're some kind|of pathetic, self-help junkie...

you and I know your guy's gonna|wake up one morning, and--

he's gonna look around,|figure out how old you are...

and what you're really like,|and that's the day he's gonna go out...

for a pack of smokes|and never come back.

By that time--|How you doing?.

If she doesn't see what's coming,|I f***ing weep for her.

- Can I help you, sir?.|- Hey. No, thanks. I'm good.

I said, "Can I help you, sir?'

- Where's that other guy?. The--|- He's home sleeping.

Okay. Well, it's very important that|I see Joyce Maynard right away, so--

Okay. I understand.|Why don't I just leave her a note?.

It's important|that I see her in person.

That's not gonna work,|so why don't I...

call you a cab and you go home|and sleep it off?.

Why don't you go f***ing home?.

Okay. You know what?.|We don't understand each other.

I'm her boy. I'm her boy, okay?.|Who are you?. Who are you?.

I am the man who's gonna call the police|ifyou don't get out of my lobby!.

an| a an an a

n |- Who is it?.

an n aan|-Which new campai gn?. Get a name, please.

an|- T ell her I'm out.

a an|- T ell her I'm out.

Yeah. This is, like, surly.|That's like, "What is that?. "

- And this is, like--|- You want surly?.

-This is like '90s, adorable normal guy.|-I am that.

- That's your problem.|- That's your nightmare.

Hey, |You going to Joyce's tonight?.

What?.

- Didn't you get the E-mail?.|- What E-mail?.

About the party?.

You going?.

Joyce throws a party,|I don't ask questions. I just show up.

She's on a conference call.

Ted, there's someone|in my office.

- Bye, Ted.|- It's okay, Donna, you can--

- Bye, Donna.|- I'll call you back in five minutes.

"Five minutes"?.|This is a five-minute situation?.

Sit down.

I don't wish to sit down.|I wish to stand.

Did you try to get|into my building last night?.

Why am I not invited tonight?.|Everyone will be there except me.

What is that going to look like?.

- Let's reestablish some boundaries.|- Let's not.

I'm your boss.|You work for me.

You write very good copy.

But I have a hundred resumes|on my files for guys just like you.

But do those guys|do that thing that I do?.

The thing that you like?.

I have explained to you that I do not|wish to see you socially any longer.

Find a way to deal with it.

What's that supposed to do?.

Nick?.

Uncle Roger.|How's it going?.

What are you doing here?.

What?. Oh.|I wanted to see where you work.

- Yes. No. What are you doing here?.|- What?.

- You mean here in New York here?.|- Yes.

I had an interview at Columbia,|so Mom said I should lookyou up.

- Sit down.|- Okay.

That's what all the phone calls|were about.

- The phone calls?.|- Yeah. Your mom's been calling me.

- Did you speak to her?.|- We're playing phone tag.

She said you could|show me what you do here.

She did?.

Well, there's not a whole lot|to show you, Nick.

Really?. Like, what do you do all day?.

What do I do all day?.

I sit here and think ofways|to make people feel bad.

- I thought you wrote for commercials.|- I do...

but you can't sell a product|without first making people feel bad.

Why not?.

Because it's a substitution game.

You have to remind them that they're|missing something from their lives.

Everyone's missing something, right?.

- Well, yeah. I guess.|- Trust me.

And when they're feeling|sufficiently incomplete...

you convince them that your product is|the only thing that can fill the void.

So, instead of taking steps|to deal with their lives...

instead ofworking to root out|the real reason for their misery...

they run out and buy|a stupid-looking pair of cargo pants.

- So... is it fun?.|- It can be.

Look, I actually was about|to call it a day.

That's cool.|We can go get something to eat.

- Fine. Let's get out of here.|- Great.

You gave me a scare. I thought you|were having a narcoleptic episode.

- What?. When?.|- Back at the office, you know?.

That's standing meditation.|It calms me down. Thanks.

Why should you calm down?.|You're a teenager. Thankyou.

My brain gets all sloppy|when I'm stressed...

so the meditation helps me focus|and block out the bad stuff.

- Bad stuff?.|- Like fear and pain, you know?.

It's a visualization. I picture|a blue triangle, and that's me.

I put all the other stuff outside|the triangle in a red field. It works.

So, how's your folks?.

- They got divorced.|- What?.

Yeah. My dad moved out.

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