Roger Dodger Page #3

- You're kidding. When did this happen?.|- A while ago.

I haven't seen you|since Grandma's funeral.

- Jesus, Nick. I'm sorry to hear that.|- It's no big deal.

I still talk to my dad.|He calls from the road.

How's your mom doing?.

She's fine. You know.

- Surprised she didn't come with you.|- Maybe she was afraid to see you...

after what happened at the funeral.

That happened because|your grandfather's a king-size prick.

All right?.

So when's your interview?.

- It was today.|- How'd it go?.

Fine, I guess. I did the interviews|'cause Mom wants me to.

- You're not interested in college?.|- Why keep going to school...

when anything I need to find out about|I can look up myself?.

Dad didn't go to college. By the time|he was my age, he was on the road.

- How is everything here?.|- First-rate. Thanks.

But... the good thing about college|is you get to hang out a lot.

- It's good for the social skills.|- Yeah.

So... my mom says you're kind of,|you know, like a ladies' man.

- She said that?.|- But she says it like it's a bad thing.

That sounds like her.

- Is it true?.|- What about you?. You have a girlfriend?.

No. I mean, you know, not yet.

Look. I'm getting older, and there's|a lot of stuff that I wish I could--

There's a lot of stuff that I haven't--|There's certain things I need to--

Yeah. I thought you said|you could look that stuff up.

No. I mean, not this.

You don't understand. I need|someone who knows what to say--

I'm kidding you, Nick.|That's what college is for.

You find some football player who needs|tutoring, and he helps you get girls.

- You don't get it.|- I get it. I was 1 once, all right?.

What are you going to do|ifyou don't go to college?.

Design software.|Maybe work on simulation games.

That's right. You're the computer whiz.|There is money in that.

I already make money|setting up systems for people.

I'm working on a web page|for Granddad for his research.

What, the old man?.|He's actually spending money?.

Yeah, good money too.

It's funny, 'cause he yells|at his computer like it's a person.

He's always going,|"That b*tch ate my file."

- Or, "She's playing hard to get."|- You spend a lot of time there?.

Yeah, nowadays.

I go over after school, and he|comes over and eats dinner with us.

Wait a minute.|He eats dinner with you and Susan?.

Sure. Since Grandma died,|there's no one taking care ofhim.

Even after they split up,|she went over every day to cook dinner.

I mean, every single day.|She was nuts.

Yeah, she was nuts.

So, Nick.

You need some help with the ladies?.

All right. Here we go.|Get this straight.

Sex is everywhere, okay?.|It is all around us.

It's not some distant destination.|It's not Everest.

It is right here.|You have to attune yourself to it.

You have to bring yourself|into alignment.

You have to find|the zone, Nick. Okay?.

Do that, and I promise you|a whole world will open up.

Look at me. I walk around|in a state of total receptivity.

- I'm like a f***ing lightning rod.|- All right. Fine. What do I do?.

For starters, let's get rid of that|little meditation. The blue triangle.

We don't block things out, Nicholas.|We let them in.

Let what in?.

There are millions ofwomen|in this city.

Millions. Most ofthem are blessedly|unaware of the countless ways...

in which their bodies|are exposed to our eyes.

So, first, learn to read the sun,|where it sits.

You'll notice... correlation between|backlighting and transparency.

They wear light-colored clothing,|underwear shows right through.

Bra straps, panty lines.|No need to stretch or squint.

It is there for us, okay?.|For example--

What?.

Are you blowing my cover|like some construction worker?.

- No. I was just--|- Use your head.

Step back. Let her pass.|Okay?. Give it a few seconds.

Watch this, and then camouflage|the move. Pay attention.

Checking of the watch is good.|Or of the pager.

Or looking for|a street sign like you're lost.

You saw me do a combination.|Whatever it is, don't get caught.

Do you think women have a clue|what goes on up here?.

What do they think,|it's just stock quotes, drill bit sizes?.

They don't know sh*t!|Let's keep it that way.

- All right.|- Watch. What about your eyes?.

- What?. My eyes?.|- Your eyes. How's your vision?.

- No, it's good. It's 20-20.|- Okay. Peripheral?.

- I don't know. It's fine, I guess.|- Fine's not gonna cut it.

You gotta workyour muscles like you're|training for the f***ing Olympics.

- Yeah.|- Up, down, left, right, et cetera.

- Here. Follow my finger.|- Okay.

- Tell me when it's gone.|- All right.

- Okay. Stop.|- That's it?.

You need a hundred,|a hundred and ten degrees...

before you're ready for the street.

I see behind me on a good day.

- You play video games?.|- Sure.

Good. That stuff is training|for the eyes.

Registering images|in a split second.

It's invaluable.|Oh. Right there.

Blue sweater. Blue sweater.|Median. Blue sweater. Blue sweater.

That young lady just--|And you missed it.

- I know.|- In just a fraction of a second.

That's all. But a trained eye|can get in there for a look.

You have to learn to anticipate|your opportunities, okay?.

Getting out of a cab,|wind from a subway grate...

or as you so sadly missed there,|bending over to pick something up.

These are situations which require|lightning reflexes.

- I tell you, I can do that.|- Your a step slow right now, Nick.

Hey, no wonder.|I remember what it's like out there.

No interaction. No face time.

Look at me. Every day I have|the street, the subway, the ATM line...

the office, the gym, the--

What have you got?.

Young people sitting in cars in Ohio.

Wistful glances at the stoplight.

No, I go to school.|That's interaction.

Okay. Let's work with that.

The high school building|is four stories, if memory serves.

- It's five stories now.|- Whatever.

It's multistory, and that means stairs,|which is good.

Free yourself from the tyranny|of eye level. Come here.

Use the angles.|High for cleavage.

- Low for the skirts.|- All right.

Remember, there's no shame|in calling on an old standby, right?.

Dropping of the pencil. Tying of|the shoe.Just don't telegraph it.

What about reflective surfaces?.|Mirrors, windows?.

What, in school?.|No, there's no mirrors.

What about that ugly|glass trophy case that--

- Yeah, that's there.|- Well, use it. It's perfect.

Go stand over there for a second.|Keep going. Keep going. Stop.

Ifyou can't stare directly,|turn your back and use the glass.

Hi, gorgeous.

Remember, angle of incidence|equals angle of reflectives.

In other words, ifyou can see them,|they can see you. So be alert.

- This is really complicated.|- It's rocket science.

- You were smart to ask for help.|- I have a good one.

When they're wearing short sleeves...

and they raise their arms to fix their|hair, you can see in that gap there.

Now, see?. That shows me|you're using your faculties.

- Don't they know we can see in there?.|- Of course they do.

Breasts are very sensitive.|They know when they're exposed to air.

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