Roger Dodger Page #4

Are women gonna walk around with|their hands clamped to their sides?. No.

Their hair has to be|dealt with eventually...

and it is our job,|it is ourvocation to be ready.

All right. So all this looking is fine,|but how do you take the next step?.

I need to meet someone.

Ifyou can't see|how the two things are related...

there's nothing I can do foryou.

- Wait. Relax. Come on.|- You think we are kidding around here?.

- Do you think this is a joke?.|- No. Why do you think I'm here?.

- You have got to make sex a presence...|- I'm sorry.

- in your mind, in your life...|- All right.

- in your spirit.|- I'm sorry.

- All right.|- What?. No. I don't smoke.

Better learn.

- Okay.|- Come on.

Here. Wait here.

Okay. Stay on this side of me.

Excuse us.

In, in, in.|Go, go, go. Hurry.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. We're in.

Good.

So, first, a survey of the terrain.

Technically, it's still happy hour.

Your casual drinkers have yet|to pack it in. Lots of groups.

Not exactly ideal for our purposes,|but not impossible.

So, we need to make an impression.

Send out a signal that back here|is the place to be.

All right. What do you do?.|What do you say?.

Who cares?.|You're overcomplicating it.

You spend the whole night sitting here|thinking of the perfect line...

what good is that?.

Just make contact. Separate yourself|from the rabble. Watch this.

Hey! Roses. Rosebud.

Hi. Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

Hi. Could you--

Could I get you to take a-- Yeah.

- Hey.|- Nick here thinks you're beautiful.

If he's got such good taste,|what's he doing hanging out with you?.

Good question. Nick?.

- Because he's my uncle?.|- How awful foryou.

And so on.|No big deal, right?.

Now she's aware of our presence,|and we can plot our strategy.

I'm gonna get us some drinks.|While I'm there, think of a hook.

- What?. A hook?.|- A hook. A line. An opening salvo.

Any minute now, Rosebud|is going to be standing right here...

Iooking down at you,|and you're going to have one chance...

to either hit it out of the park|or strike out miserably.

Be ready.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.|Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

Hello, Nick. Your uncle says|you have something to tell me...

that will absolutely blow my mind.

- Oh, yeah?.|- Yeah. Those were his exact words.

Is he playing a little joke on us?.

No, no. He's serious.

I mean, he's... totally serious.

- Tonight.|- Sorry.

Thanks. As I was--

- Tonight.|- Right, I was saying that...

I was saying that tonight is a--

Tonight is|a very important night for me.

I was just telling her|that we made a bet.

- A bet?.|- Uh-huh. We made a bet for $1,000.

That I can get somebody to...

Iike, fall in love with me.

Really?.

Love. That's a hard thing to verify,|don't you think?.

No, I think we can do it.

I'm confident we can.

A thousand dollars?.

That's not exactly mind-blowing...

but it's not the worse line|I'll hear tonight.

What?. Really?.

Yeah. Good job, Nick.

- So, do we rate a sit-down?.|- I'm waiting for a friend.

I'll run it by her|when she shows up.

Get her over here.|There's cash at stake.

Ifwe do, who sits with who?.

Ladies' choice.|Natural selection.

I wanna sit with him.

Yes, yes.

What is this?.

Rum and coke. I told him to mix it weak.|We got a long way to go here.

- Okay. I don't drink.|- You kidding me?. Take a drink.

- I don't put alcohol into my body.|- You drink that drink.

Loss of inhibition is crucial|to your success tonight, okay?.

Alcohol has been a social lubricant|for thousands ofyears.

You thinkyou're gonna sit here tonight|and reinvent the wheel?. Please.

All right. Now, you did one|very good thing. You lied.

You made something up.|Keep that part ofyour brain working.

We get those girls over here, your first|instinct is gonna be to open up.

To tell the truth.|Fight it! Just keep it interesting.

Play up your novelty.|You're a 1 6-year-old in a bar.

Why?. "My father owns the bar."|You got a month to live.

You're an actor researching--|I don't know. Improvise.

Next, check the time.|What time is it?.

It's about 72.

- Do you have a MedicAlert bracelet?.|- No, it's instructions.

I'm having my body cryogenically frozen|if I die prematurely.

All right. Leave it.|It's spastic enough to be charming.

So, the time. 70.

We've got nine hours|until closing time. An eternity.

Look at me, Nick,|and answer me this question.

All right.

Who is the greatest basketball player|in the history of the game?.

- Do you mean ever?.|- Come on. This is easy.

- Michael Jordan?.|- Michael Jordan.

Why was he the greatest?.|Because he paced himself.

Because he always|had something left at the finish.

Magic Johnson called it "winning time."|See those guys over there?.

Yeah. Those guys think|they're kicking ass.

Believe me, it is early.

We are a long way from winning time,|so pay attention.

- Okay.|- You say you want it.

Ifyou really wanted it...

you'd be in here, suffering the tortures|of the damned with those guys.

- What?.|- There's a big difference between...

being horny and being willing|to put in the time night after night--

I want it. Okay?. I go to high school.|You don't think that's torture?.

This is a lot of information.

I'm giving you|the keys to the kingdom.

Yeah, I know.

How many boys your age|get an opportunity like this?.

Yes.

So, stickyour finger down your throat.|Drink ice water, call it gin--

I don't care what you do. Be ready|to dive in at the moment of truth.

So... how often do you, like...

you know, like, get somebody|to go home with you?.

Every night.

Bullshit.

Just because you're not having sex,|doesn't mean the rest of us...

are sitting around playing cribbage.

What's cribbage?.

- What?. What?.|- Here we go. Here we go.

Here they come. This is so stupid.|They're, like, twice my age.

Champions refuse to lose.|Be like Mike.

Here we are. As promised.|For one drink.

- I'm Andrea, and this is Sophie.|- I'm Roger. This is my nephew, Nick.

- Hi.|- He really is, like, 1 6.

- I told you.|- Sit down.

How'd you get in here, Nick?.

It's funny you should... ask me that.

'Cause we were, before,|discussing it, and--

Neveryou mind.

I'm enjoying the air of intrigue|Nick brings to our booth.

- Cheers, everyone.|- I told Sophie about your little bet.

She thinks you're full of it.

There's nothing little|about a thousand dollars.

He's got to get someone|to fall in love with him?.

- A woman.|- A woman?.

Does it have to be a woman?.|What if some guy takes a shine to you?.

I guess that would count, 'cause we|never discussed what gender--

If Nick is willing to exploit that|little loophole, he can have the money.

- What were you guys talking about?.|- I don't know.

- What were we talking about?.|- We were talking about women.

Specifically, the pleasure to be derived|from admiring the female form.

Imagine what it feels like|to be admired all day long.

- Really.|- You'd rather be completely anonymous?.

- Not completely anonymous.|- Not anonymous.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes