Roger Dodger Page #5

I myselfwould welcome the sensation|of a hundred pair of eyes...

caressing my... booty|as I walk down the street.

Guys always say that.

Yeah. "We'd love it ifwomen|were always staring."

We would.

You would love it if no woman ever|listened to a word you were saying...

and just kept her eyes locked on|your chest oryour crotch?.

If it led to having sex all the time,|I would not mind.

You could deal with never being heard,|never being taken seriously?.

If I had something that needed saying,|I would wait until right after sex.

Seriously, for a second,|just stop saying the obvious thing.

Think what it would be like|if on every bus...

there were huge pictures|ofyour naked body.

- And on every billboard--|- Magazine.

That's right--|it was just about your body.

There was so much time and money and|energy spent obsessing and analyzing...

trying to get a glimpse ofyour body,|that soon it felt like...

the world had forgotten|about everything else...

and you end up feeling...

disconnected from your own body,|like it's not even yours.

Ifyou're really serious about|avoiding the male gaze--

- If the goal is anonymity--|- I never said the goal was anonymity.

Here's a little suggestion, okay?.

Putting on makeup.|Styling your hair.

Wearing a killer outfit and coming to|a place like this on a Friday night.

That's when it gets interesting,|because at a certain point...

- you start internalizing the male gaze.|- Not the best course of action.

Male gaze. Madison Avenue.|F***ing patriarchy.

Whatever it is,|it's done its number on you.

Do you thinkyou have any control|over who you find attractive?.

- Of course we do.|- I think not, and I'll prove it to you.

Ask any woman, "What's the single most|attractive quality a man can possess?'

- And what do they invariably answer?.|- Sense of humor.

- Sense of humor.|- Sense of humor is huge. Definitely.

And yet, if two lean, mean,|play-by-their-own-rules...

motorcycle-riding men|strolled up to this booth...

and beat the sh*t out of us|two humorous guys, right...

and asked you out for a ride,|you would be weak at the knees.

- No way.|- Weak at the knees.

Well, actually, guys who ride cycles|are pretty sexy.

- Thank you. You see?.|- Sorry.

The fact is that touchy-feely, weepy,|in-touch-with-their-feelings guys...

make you sick--|you're repulsed by them.

Give me the Ice Age, okay?.|Survival of the fittest.

No mixed signals. No bullshit.

Just the meanest, hairiest bastard|wins all the time.

Let's change the subject right now.

You know, it's interesting.|All this looking is so masculine.

I mean, you guys|are just about the visuals.

Really. Why is it that when|I'm going down on a guy--

- Sophie!|- No, really.

Why is it|that when I'm doing my thing...

why is it that men|always insist on watching?.

Why can't you just close your eyes|and concentrate on the feeling?.

It's not the most flattering activity|for a woman.

I'm not sure that that's a--|Maybe we can help.

Nick, jump in here.|A woman is doing her thing.

Why do we have to watch?.

Well, maybe to make sure|that it's actually happening?.

I'll buy that.|Make sure we're not hallucinating.

And maybe to file it away, in case|it's a long time before the next one.

Two excellent answers. Perhaps you'd|elaborate on the filing it away part?.

File it away for what?.

- Oh. I don't know.|- Come on, Nick.

We're finally treading on|some familiar territory here.

Mom's in the kitchen|making Jell-O with fruit.

- You lockyourself in the bathroom--|- Don't sweat it, Nick.

I grew up with three brothers.

The closets were pornography museums.|More visuals.

You're right about the visual thing.

It always drives me nuts|when I hear a guy...

going on about something a girl does|that's supposed to be so sexy.

- Like what kind of thing?.|- Like how she flips her hair.

How she stands with one foot|to the side. It could be anything.

- What's wrong with that?.|- Because that's nothing.

That's just something she does.

And she probably only does it|because she saw it in a movie.

It's not their real stuff.

All that stuff-- the hair flips,|the mannerisms, the catch phrases.

They add up to the personality.|So they are what's real.

Yeah, but it's all the outside stuff.|That's fine in the beginning.

You need the outside stuff.

You need, like,|the reasons to be in love.

But you can get past that|to the part...

where the little tricks|don't mean anything.

I say you are attracted to|what is in front ofyou. End of story.

How romantic.

It takes years and years together.

- Yeah?.|- I can't describe it exactly...

but it's like there's nothing|she can do.

All her usual ways of hooking you in|have no effect...

and yet you're still in love.

It's like the act is over...

and you get to the part|she's been hiding.

And she's been hiding it|because she thinks that's the part...

that's gonna blow it|or make you leave or get bored...

but you get to that part,|and you're still there.

And you're even more in love.

Wow.

Have you met my nephew?.|His name is Jesus.

How old are you, Nick?.

I'm 1 6.

Stay strong, Sophie. There's|a thousand of my dollars at stake here.

Are we still on a one-drink limit?.

- I think we can have one more.|- Yeah, I'm in.

Great.|Scootch out of there, Sophie.

- Who wants what?.|- Sophie knows what I like.

- Just some ice water, please.|- Okay, that's charming.

Nick?.

A player might consider taking advantage|of this time alone with Andrea.

Andrea. Yeah.|You can take your time.

- Hi.|- Hey.

- What's the deal with your uncle?.|- I don't know.

This is really the first time|I've hung out with him socially.

- Do you live in the city?.|- I live in Ohio with my mom.

She and Roger|don't really speak anymore.

Ohio?.

Do you have a girlfriend back home?.

No. Not right now.

Nick, can you do me a favor?.

Okay.

Pick that up.

- Protein for stamina.|- Let's switch, Andrea.

- Okay. I suppose it's your turn.|- Yeah, good idea.

Keep things fresh|and help us fight that second-round lag.

- What's that?.|- That's a conversational lag...

that often occurs after the ordering|of the second round.

Actually, Nick was telling me about you|and your relationship with his mother.

- No secret there. She's my sister.|- Your relationship with her.

Not your relationship to her.|Nick says they don't speak.

That's terrible.|I mean, you need your family.

- Yeah.|- What do you think happened, Nick?.

My mom's a lot older than Roger.|Like nine years.

You must have been quite|the little surprise, Roger.

A nine-year gap doesn't necessarily mean|an unplanned pregnancy.

But, apparently, I did come|as a bit of a surprise.

Really?. I didn't know that.

That doesn't explain why you|and your sister don't get along.

Let's just say|we don't have much in common.

My mom says that when Roger was little,|he could talk himself out of anything.

He never got in trouble,|even when he got caught.

- She called him "Roger Dodger."|- That's perfect foryou.

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