Roman Holiday Page #4

Well, I'll tell you what. You don't|tell your folks, and I won't tell mine.

- It's a pact.|- What would you like to drink?

Champagne, please.

Champagne?

Well, champagne "per la signorina"|and cold coffee for me.

Must be quite a life you have|in that school. Champagne for lunch.

- Only on special occasions.|- For instance?

The last time|was my father's anniversary.

- Wedding?|- No. It was the 40th anniversary of...

of the day he got his job.

What does he do?

Well, mostly you might call it|public relations.

Oh, well, that's hard work.

- Yes. I wouldn't care for it.|- Does he?

- I've heard him complain about it.|- Why doesn't he quit?

Well, people in that line of work|almost never do quit...

unless it's actually unhealthy|for them to continue.

Well, here's to his health, then.

You know,|that's what everybody says.

- It's all right?|- Yes, thank you.

What is your work?

Oh, I'm, uh,|in the selling game.

Really? How interesting.|What do you sell?

Fertilizer.

Chemicals. You know, chemicals.|Stuff like that.

Irving!|Well, am I glad to see you!

Why?|Did you forget your wallet?

- Pull up a chair. Sit down with us.|- So you're gonna introduce me?

Yes. This is a good friend of mine,|Irving Radovich. Anya, Irving.

Yes. This is a good friend of mine,|Irving Radovich. Anya, Irving.

- Anya...|- Smith.

- Hiya, Smitty.|- Charmed.

Hey, anybody ever tell you|you're a dead ringer for...

Well, I guess I'll be going.

Don't do anything like that, Irving.|Sit down. Join us. Join us.

Well, just till Francesca gets here.

- Tell me, Mr. Radovich...

- what is a ringer?|- Waiter?

It's an American term,|and it means...

anyone who has|a great deal of charm.

Oh. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Cousins.

Mr. Bradley's just been telling me|all about his work.

- I'd like to have heard that.|- What do you do?

I'm in the same racket as Joe,|only I'm...

I'm awfully sorry, Irving.

- For the love of... What are you...|- I'm sorry, Irving.

I can take a hint.|I'll see you around.

- Your drink's here. Please sit down.|- Here's your drink. Take it easy.

I'm sorry about that.|Sit down. That's a good fellow.

That's a boy.

- You're twisting my arm, you know.|- Just be more careful not to spill.

Spill? Who's been doing|the spilling?

- You.|- Me?

Yeah.

Where did you find this loony?

You're okay.|Here's to you, huh?

Here's hoping for the best.

If it wasn't for that hair,|I'd swear that...

Thanks.

You slipped, Irving.|Slipped and almost hurt yourself.

I slipped?|I almost hurt myself?

- Joe, I didn't slip!|- You've got a bad sprain.

- Never mind I got a sprain.|- We'd better go and get it fixed up.

- Excuse us for a minute.|- Yes, of course. I'm so sorry.

Joe, now wait a minute.|What are you trying to do?

- Have you got your lighter?|- What's that got to do with it?

- Have you got it?|- Yeah, but what are you trying to do?

Listen. What would you do|for five grand?

Five grand?

She doesn't know|who I am or what I do.

Look, Irving, this is my story.|I dug it up. I gotta protect it.

She's really the...

Your tintypes are gonna make|this little epic twice as valuable.

- "The princess goes slumming."|- You're in for 25% of the take.

- The take's five G's.|- Minimum. Hennessy shook hands on it.

- That's $ 1,500.|- It's 1,250.

- Okay. Now you shake.|- Okay, now lend me 30,000.

That's 50 bucks.|You gonna buy the crown jewels?

She's out there now drinking|champagne that I can't pay for.

We got to entertain her, don't we?

We can't go running around town|with a hot princess.

Do you want in on this deal|or don't you?

This I want back Saturday.

Now where's your lighter?|Let's go to work.

- Better now?|- Huh?

- Your ear.|- My ear?

Oh, yeah. Joe fixed it.

Would you care for a cigarette?

Yes, please.

You won't believe this,|but it's my very first.

Your very first?

No smoking in school, hmm?

Your first cigarette.

There. The gizmo works.

Well, what's the verdict?|Okay?

Nothing to it.

That's right. Nothing to it.

I'll stretch my legs a little here.

- I'll pick this one up, Irving.|- Yeah. You can afford it.

Well, what shall we do next?|Shall we make out a little schedule?

Oh, not that word, please.

Oh, I didn't mean a work...|school schedule.

I meant a fun schedule.

- Oh, yes. Let's just go.|- How about you, Irving? Are you ready?

- Yeah.|- Let's go.

This is...

- Smitty.|- She's a grand girl, Irving. Grand.

Five grand, Irving.

Where are you going now?

Honey, I got to work.|I'll call you tonight.

Look at those men!

They were supposed to be|inconspicuous.

You asked for plainclothes.

Stop! Come back!

- Let me take it.|- No. Let go. I can do it.

I'm going straight from now on.

American news service?|What did he mean?

Well, you say you're with the press,|you can get away with anything.

Go to church to get married|on a scooter. That's a hot one.

Joe's a wonderful liar.

Congratulations. Congratulations.

You don't have to look so worried.|I won't hold you to it.

Thank you very much.

You don't have to be too grateful.

Okay, I won't.

I'm a good liar, too, aren't I?

- The best I ever met.|- Uh-huh.

Thank you very much.

Say!

Come with me.

The mouth of truth. The legend is|that if you're given to lying...

and put your hand in there,|it'll be bitten off.

- Oh, what a horrid idea.|- Let's see you do it.

Let's see you do it.

Sure.

Hello.

You beast!|It was perfectly all right!

- I'm sorry. It's just a joke.|- Oh, you never hurt your hand.

- I'm sorry. You okay?|- Yes.

All right. Let's go.|Look out!

I'll park at the corner.

What do they mean,|all these inscriptions?

Well, each one represents|a wish fulfilled.

It all started during the war when|there was an air raid right out here.

A man with his four children|was caught in the street.

They ran over against the wall|right there for shelter...

and prayed for safety.

Bombs fell very close,|but no one was hurt.

Later on, the man came back and|he put up the first of these tablets.

Since then,|it's become sort of a shrine.

People come, and whenever|their wishes are granted...

they put up another one|of these little plaques.

Lovely story.

Read some of the inscriptions.

Make a wish?

Tell the doctor?

Anyway, the chances of it|being granted are very slight.

Well, what now?

I've heard of a wonderful place|for dancing on a boat.

- The barges down by Sant'Angelo.|- Yes. Couldn't we go there tonight?

- Why not?|- Anything you wish.

Then at midnight,|I'll turn into a pumpkin...

and drive away in my glass slipper.

And that'll be|the end of the fairy tale.

- Well, I guess Irving has to go now.|- I do?

That big business development of yours|that you have to attend to.

- Oh, the development.|- Can't afford not to take care of that.

Yeah. I'll see you later, Smitty.

- Good luck with the big development.|- Thanks.

Two, please.

Hello.

Hello.

Mr. Bradley, if you|don't mind my saying so...

- I think you are a ringer.|- A what?

Oh, thanks very much.

You've spent the whole day doing things|I've always wanted to. Why?

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