Romancing the Stone Page #5

RALPH:
It's time I had a chauffeur, Miss Wilder.

JACK:
Hey, back off me, creep!

Oh, I'm the creep, huh?

Well, at least I'm honest. I'm stealing this

stone.

I'm not trying to romance it out from under her.

JOAN:
Wait a minute. Going for the stone was my

idea.

RALPH:
That's what the good con artists want you

to think.

He made you think you needed it, you sap!

Get in and drive! Come on! Move it!

Move it!

See how you like being stuck--

Holy sh*t!

- Aah!

Get in!

JOAN:
Which way do we go?

Follow that stone!

RALPH:
Mounties!

JACK:
Hit it!

[Jack laughs]

ZOLO:
.Vamos! .Tras ellos! .Vamos!

JACK:
Where the hell you going?

Where am I going?

How about Lupe's Escape?

Where you going? Quit steering. You're not going

anywhere.

JACK:
Oh, no!

JOAN:
What are we gonna do now?

JACK:
Jump!

[Jack coughing]

JACK:
Hey!

Joan Wilder! Hey! What a comeback!

Ha ha ha ha! Whoo!

JOAN:
Yeah.

- Man, I thought you drowned!

- I did!

JACK:
You OK?

JOAN:
Oh, sure. I'm great.

I'm fine! Only you're on that side!

There's no way across this sucker!

You did this on purpose!

What are you talking about? We just went over a

waterfall!

Admit it! You planned this all along!

I knew I couldn't depend on you! I knew it!

What's the name of that hotel in Cartagena?

Hotel Cartagena! What do you care?

All right. You just head towards the sunset...

and you'll make it! And I'll be there!

Oh, yeah, sure. With El Corazon in your pocket.

What about my sister?

They don't have to know about this. You got the

map!

- Well, you've got the stone!

- Yeah, but--

[Gunshots]

JACK:
I'll meet you there! Trust me!

- What?

- I'll be there!

[Bell ringing]

[Marimba playing]

IRA:
So you made it finally.

Got the map?

Yes, I brought it. I want to talk to Elaine.

No. You can't talk to her till I get it.

All right, now look out your window.

See the fort across the bay? The tower?

JOAN:
Yes.

You take a water taxi right outside your hotel.

You meet me there in two hours--

all by yourself.

[Click]

CLERK:
Hello?

JOAN:
Has Jack Colton checked in?

CLERK:
In the last two minutes, no.

[Thunder]

IRA:
Over here.

Stop right there.

IRA:
Let me see the map.

Where are you?

IRA:
Let me see the map.

Let me see Elaine.

ELAINE:
Joanie?

IRA:
Drop the map and back off.

If this isn't genuine...

If you've pulled a fast one...

Joan Wilder, you...

and your sister...

can go!

[Laughs]

ELAINE:
Hey.

JOAN:
It's OK. It's all right.

Let's go home tonight.

[Machine gun fires]

I missed you at the hotel.

We all did.

IRA:
You brainless broad, you let him follow you

here.

Come on.

This map is nothing.

They already have the stone.

RALPH:
Aah!

I had it in my hands, Ira.

These hands that are gonna break every bone in

your body.

Later.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Where is the stone?

We dug. We didn't find anything.

.Traigala!

ZOLO:
Crocodiles shed tears while they eat their

prey.

You have heard of these tears, I am sure.

But have you seen them?

- Aah!

- Stop it!

JOAN:
Oh, no! No!

IRA:
Look at those snappers.

ZOLO:
You can forego this agony.

Simply tell me, where is El Corazon?

Where is the heart?

Where is the stone?

JACK:
All right! Just let her go, will you?

She doesn't know where it is. I've got it.

Where is it?

It's in a safe place.

Where is it?

[Clunk]

Choke on it.

Thank you.

[Screaming]

JACK:
Get down!

JOAN:
All right, honey. Come on.

[Groans]

ELAINE:
Hurry. Hurry.

IRA:
Boys! .Muchachos!

Bring the boat around! Hold them down!

Let me get to the boat!

[Coughs]

JOAN:
Just a little more. Come on.

.Muchachos!

.Andale!

IRA:
.Vamonos!

RALPH:
Ira!

Ira!

Come back here, Ira!

IRA:
Jump, Ralph, jump!

RALPH:
I can't swim. You know that, Ira.

- I'll come back for you!

- You promise?

IRA:
I'll send the boat back for you, Ralph!

- When?

- Soon!

- How soon?

- Very soon!

JACK:
No.

No! No!

Where do you think you're going, huh, pal?

Come on, cough it up.

ELAINE:
Wait, wait!

ELAINE:
Joanie?

How will you die, Joan Wilder?

Slow like a snail...

or fast like a shooting star?

Oh, my.

[Gasps]

JOAN:
Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

JACK:
Come on, you bastard. Give me a break.

[Growls]

JACK:
Damn it!

[Click]

[Cigar sizzling] ZOLO: Aah!

Aah!

[Zolo shrieking]

Oh, Jack.

JACK:
It's OK. It's OK.

Come on back, Ira!

You're my cousin, Ira! Don't you remember?

Your mother, my mother!

[Siren]

That way!

That way! He's getting away!

He's got it all! Go that way!

ELAINE:
Joanie?

JACK:
OK. All right. Here's what we got to do.

Get to the American Consulate. Just tell them

everything.

JOAN:
Where are you going?

JACK:
They might believe you, but just one thing:

don't mention my name.

Cartagena cops and I go way back.

Elaine, it's been a pleasure.

JOAN:
You're leaving?

You're leaving me?

You're gonna be all right, Joan Wilder.

Yeah.

Jack Colton!

Damn.

GLORIA:
Oh.

[Sniffles]

Well, that is far and away your best book.

I can't believe how fast you cranked this out.

JOAN:
So, you really like it?

GLORIA:
Like it? Look at me. I'm a mess. It made

me cry.

You tell anybody, I'll cut your heart out.

I love the end where he dives off the wall and

swims away.

Then he meets her at the airport.

They sail off around the world together.

God, I can't believe how this got to me.

JOAN:
Well...

I was, uh, inspired.

GLORIA:
Joanie, you are now a world-class

hopeless romantic.

No. Hopeful.

Hopeful romantic.

JOAN:
No, thank you.

Nope.

MAN:
Name-brand. Name-brand.

JOAN:
Never wear 'em.

MAN:
You can wear it right now. Five dollars.

JOAN:
Hey!

JOAN:
I like your boots.

JACK:
Yep. That poor old yellow-tailed guy...

developed a fatal case of indigestion.

He died right on my arms.

I can't blame him.

If I were to die...

there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be.

I couldn't stop thinking about you.

I even read one of your books.

Then you know how they all end

Yeah

Hi

Hi

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